The Top

Uhh no. You don't know the full story so don't jump to conclusions. I live in a tiny mountain town, and the guy I gave my number to I had seen many times before. The guy that I was actually texting, however is someone random that I didn't know and didn't give my number to. I did, however, have fun once I got past the initial shock. It has NOTHING to do with looks. If you make me laugh and are an intelligent gentleman, then I like you.

By Anonymous - 18/01/2011 08:28 - United States

Today, I was at the grocery store with my dad. He let out a very silent but foul abomination of a fart. The people behind us started gagging, so he turned, pointed at me and said, "That was my daughter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 194

You deserved it 3 841

By Anonymous - 23/01/2010 23:18 - United States

Today, I came home to find my little sister had decided to play hopscotch under our carport. Feeling a small childish urge, I decided to hop on one leg to the front door. I tripped and fell, slicing my knee open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 739

You deserved it 21 334

Oktoberfest Fail

By FML Videos - 27/09/2018 00:30 - United States - New York

...and the crowd goes wild!!!

I agree, your life sucks 188

You deserved it 231

Pick me

By Brit - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I made a Facebook under a guy's name and I'm sending myself wall posts just so it looks like I actually talk to a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 260

You deserved it 46 262

By Jigll - 13/10/2008 08:26

Today, during my beloved's birthday party, I had so much to drink that I puked all over the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 662

You deserved it 76 968

By Anonymous - 20/09/2013 22:20 - United Kingdom - Newcastle

Today, I was struggling to move a large bookshelf downstairs. Mid-way down, the weight became too much for me and I desperately yelled to my dad for help. He stood at the top of the stairs and said, "Cash or broken bones. How much's it worth, son?" I'm now £50 poorer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 107

You deserved it 4 092

Grow up

By Anothernametaken - 18/11/2011 12:22 - United States

Today, while working the drive-through at McDonald's, I was handing a gentleman his vanilla shake. He responded by popping the cap off, yelling "Fire in the hole!" and throwing it back in. He then quickly drove off. I was covered in vanilla shake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 298

You deserved it 5 255

By ovawerkrd - 16/01/2011 17:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I finished working a week's overtime managing admin, stock, finances, and three members of staff. I realised that despite all my extra work, I actually earn less per hour than the students who only work on the weekends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 995

You deserved it 2 766

Stinky

By josh - 06/12/2021 02:01

Today, while applying deodorant, my mom came up behind me slapped the stick out of my hand, and confiscated it, saying, “No one needs deodorant when it’s this cold.” At work, I got so many complaints about my B.O that I was sent home to go take a shower. I shower every single day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 239

You deserved it 168

Thanks for the memories

By Bpride1 - 11/11/2021 08:00 - United States - Moses Lake

Today, I was victim to not one but two narcissists. I'd totally thought that these people were my friends, but everyone warned me that, "They’re only your friends when they need something from you.” I should’ve listened. I constantly felt like they were just using me. A "Thank you" goes a long way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 279

By pits - 05/01/2015 04:30

Today, I finally noticed after months of having the same cover photo on several websites, that it looks like I have a bushel of armpit hair due to a shadow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 782

You deserved it 4 946

By OldHabitsDieHard - 18/09/2013 14:53 - United States - Erie

Today, I was getting my cat some canned food. Out of habit I licked the spoon after I had emptied the can only to realize too late what I had done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 734

You deserved it 18 782

By Timmeeh - 10/10/2012 16:45 - United Kingdom - Caldicot

Today, the girl I'm dating mentioned that she'd had her healthy wisdom teeth removed to prevent her future children from having wisdom teeth. I laughed. She wasn't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 189

You deserved it 2 599

Timmeeh tells us more.

Timmeeh 17

Wednesday 10 October 2012 22:16

OP here. She is (was?) cute. Suddenly got a whole lot less so when I realised there was naught but cotton wool where her brainmeat should be.

By notapedobear - 13/01/2011 08:21

Today, I was in a shopping centre when a little girl was running up and down the aisles. She started to fall over so I put my hand out to catch her. Her mother then ran up to me and screamed about me 'touching her child' so loud that everyone could hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 286

You deserved it 3 290

By mad dude - 12/01/2011 07:46

Today, I realized I'm pussy whipped by a chick I'm not even dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 864

You deserved it 41 602

Flipping off

By Anonymous - 04/07/2009 22:46 - United States

Today, I went swimming with this guy I like at dammed river. While we were jumping off the dam, I decided to try to impress him by doing a front flip. I didn't jump far enough off, so when I went to flip, my face skidded down the concrete wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 886

You deserved it 44 926

Crushing Hard

By FML Videos - 07/10/2018 00:30 - United States - New York

Crushed it! (The bag of groceries, of course.)

I agree, your life sucks 287

You deserved it 230

By stoych - 08/10/2012 07:14 - United Kingdom

Today, after a great first date, he leaned in to kiss me. I held my breath slightly. This resulted in me breathing out through my nose, blowing a huge snot bubble, which then burst on his face. He looked at me in horror and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 110

You deserved it 5 975

No shame

By bluewatersify - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I got a letter in the mail, my mother has applied for a reduction in her child support payments for my brother and me. She's paid $10 child support in 16 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 824

You deserved it 2 311

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I was heading home after getting off work at 5 in the morning, when a deer slid out in front of my car. Not jumped. Slid. Thanks, winter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 525

You deserved it 1 588

Today, my cousin thought it would be funny to make copies of my house keys and give it to random people on the street. I live alone and work a 12 hour shift daily. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 063

You deserved it 3 635

Today, I tickled my girlfriend, and her first reflex was to swing her elbow back and break my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 249

You deserved it 33 688

Today, while having sex with the guy I have seen for about 3 years, he answered the phone. I found out that he had a girlfriend while he was inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 475

You deserved it 7 098

Today, I pinched a nerve in my shoulder while pulling the bedcovers higher in the morning. After excruciating pain all day, I climbed back into bed at night, twisting my knee in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 086

You deserved it 409

Today, after my parents divorced, my father promised to move out in August but has now delayed it until October out of laziness. He's barely spoken to us for months, and when he does, it's with aggressive and childish arrogance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 81