Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. He now argues that he should keep the dog. We only dated for three months, and I've had the dog since I was ten. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my fiancé and I broke up, and he won't answer my calls or texts. I don't want him back; he has my dog. FML
Today, the dog my now ex-boyfriend and I own together bit me bad enough that I needed stitches on my face and my hand... he then broke up with me and saying it was all too much for him and has kept the dog... FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He let me know by shaving "CYA" into my dog's fur and then moving out before I got home from work. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I broke up, and he came by to get his things while I was at work. When I got home I saw that the only thing he had taken was my cat. I only dated him for 5 months, I've had that cat for 14 years. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me via text and said she was keeping the cat. I've had the cat since for seven years since she was a kitten. FML
Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I'd trusted that he and his ex were “co-parenting” a dog that he and his ex adopted while they were together and nothing more was happening. His ex is pregnant and he’s the father. He insists that he doesn’t love her anymore and it was a “mistake.” He wants me to take him back. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me only two weeks after he moved into my place, because his massive German shepherd keeps running scared from my cat. Apparently, I ruined his dog by letting my cat be dominant to him, and it’s all my fault his dog is a wuss. FML
Today, my boyfriend of almost a year and a half broke up with me when he decided he wasn't in love with me anymore. We gave our stuff back, he was joking and happy the whole time until I told him I was taking back my cat. At that point he burst into tears. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me over something that happened 5 years ago. We've only been together for 2 years as of this July. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for refusing to have anything to do with "our" pet snake. The same snake I told him not to buy for his son a few months ago, because I knew the kid would get bored with it and dump the responsibility onto us. FML
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Top comments
DontClickOnMe 28
Well obviously the dog means more to you than it does to him. It's your dog and he can't just take it from you. Hopefully he doesn't try stealing it from you.
GeneralCha 3
I don't see the problem here. Ignore him. He's no longer part of your life. Share a comforting tub of ice-cream with your dog.
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Comments (160)
DontClickOnMe 28
Well obviously the dog means more to you than it does to him. It's your dog and he can't just take it from you. Hopefully he doesn't try stealing it from you.
biglittlehead 12
Am I the only one that is thinking about the episode of two and a half men when Alan steels the dog from Candi after they break up?
xXHollowIchigoXx 17
Oh god... You're picture is hilarious.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
The simple solution - set the dog on him if he tries any funny business.
SamanthaCassieL 10
OR you could get the dogs ear tattooed, so if he does steal it you have hard proof its yours. Especially since you (should) have it registered under your name.
Altazor 4
he got the nutz... he should get the prize
Forlorn420 9
Just say no and don't answer his texts or calls. What can he do about that? Harass you or steal the dog. Either way, you win both those situations in the long run. He's a douche
Filthy_Animal 25
**** that bastard!! Is your dog... and if you think for one second he can keep the dog, you´re a bad person!!
asspole 16
#51 your*
GeneralCha 3
I don't see the problem here. Ignore him. He's no longer part of your life. Share a comforting tub of ice-cream with your dog.
waco60 3
Make sure it's not chocolate ice-cream.
TheDrifter 24
Definitely butterscotch. My dog loves both butter and scotch, so why not in icecream.
haitaku 1
You... You... That's my Facebook profile pic! Don't worry, I know it's from egoraptor.
Psych101 9
41- You feed your dog both butter and scotch? That can not be healthy.
Yoyo2002 10
make it peanut butter ice cream
KVKdragon 26
Hah, if I were you, I wouldn't even bother arguing about it. If he has the gall to insinuate that he should keep the dog, he'd be out of the house before he even thinks of a second remark. And if he's giving you trouble, call the cops and tell them that he's giving you trouble. You owe him nothing. You owe it to your dog to stay with him as his/her lifelong friend though :)
RoseCrystal 17
Keep you dog close for awhile in case Mr. CrazyPants gets a funny idea about dog-napping...just saying
bReLiNg 18
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I said no for moderating because I kinda saw this was pointless....
DocBastard 40
Unfortunately for you the rest of the FML community and the mods disagreed with you and you lost. Isn't democracy fun?
Senseless_487 29
Didi, I think I love you. In a completely platonic way.
lexiieeex3 32
I love the FML team.
mrnuleef 7
Thumbs up +1 @ didi. You kick ass.
nado13579 12
I wish we could give mods thumbs up.
AKGirlinSD 20
I feel like a dumbass for asking what 6 is trying to state/imply. Anyone care to explain? (Yes, I expect the usual random answers from the FML-lifers even though I really am curious :-).)
thebassplayer88 2
Why do you guys never accept my fmls theres no swearing and there all true i had my guitars stolen
CrookedNipples 17
@129, #6 is saying that she was moderating FMLs and came across this one before it, and in her opinion, it's not really an FML.
Hollywoodgirl79 18
Tell him to f*ck off. It's your dog, not his.
sammichbunny 3
To op:Don't let that man take me! D:From op's dog Really the only way you'd deserve it if you let him have the dog.
marmlr339 14
Do everyone a favour and never comment again!
misspulkadot24 17
This made my head hurt.
sammichbunny 3
Hey,do everyone a favor and go back to the dark cave you came from.I dont see anything wrong with my comment,if you do,**** you for all I care.:P.Im just new here,can anyone help me out and (nicely) let me know what was wrong with my comment?
Sirin_fml 47
It was terrible, the worst comment I've seen all day, even worse than a Carlos Mencia attempt at writing his own jokes. I'm going to consult my lawyer to see if I can sue for the return of lost brain cells.
sammichbunny 3
My comment wasnt stupid! Ok,maybe it was...
Sirin_fml 47
Fixed, thanks!
ryry013 6
Well... I'll tell you two things wrong with your comments, since you asked. First, the original one is confusing. I'm assuming its a letter to the OP from the dog saying "Don't let him take me" Second, we don't like mean people. You didn't need the first half of your reply. Just the second half would have gotten you imaginary FML points.
sammichbunny 3
Even I agree.Thanks,next time I won't act like im drunk while on here.
Argumental_Rhino 8
Wow Sirin, you are hilarious. The mods seem to be pulling out all the stops today.
Slender_Man 6
Ok, first, that comment gave me cancer. 81- there is nothing wrong with your comment? It makes no sense. That's what's wrong with it
haitaku 1
You comment was worded in a very awkward manner. Be sure to stylize comments in an easier manner, such as: 'Don't let him take me, OP!' That's what I imagine the OP's dog is saying D: Really, there's no way YDI, either. Unless you gave your boyfriend the dog. Something like that looks much nicer, so people will be able to understand your comment better, and you won't get thumbed down into hell.
mjoyn98 1
You don't see ANYTHING wrong with your comment?..
acidkitten 14
Let the dog decide. Put the dog in between you both and then whoever it comes to first keeps the dog. It should come to you, but just in case put a tasty morsel of food in your pocket or something. Then, when it comes to you, kick your boyfriend out the door. Or set the dog on him. Either will suffice.
DarthDeath 12
This is possibly the best idea ever mate.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
They did that in a movie once. The dog went to the wrong guy because he was covered in bacon grease. To tell the truth, I'd go to the wrong guy too if bacon was involved.
nature_girl_08 14
as funny as this would be in a joking manner, OP really shouldn't do it...the dog is hers. she's had it since she was a child; it's not something where they bought the dog while they were together. OP's boyfriend needs a nice kick in the pants, in my opinion. If he tries to take it, it's theft.
acidkitten 14
Yes. OP's boyfriend should get a kick in the ass. This was in fact a joke, but I have a ****** up sense of humour. *backs away into corner*
littlelotte98 3
ok I think that is a horrible idea first off because I did that with my dog and my mom and well let's just say I didn't win because mom had a ball in her hand but anyway it's a bad idea because that guy owes her nothing that's her dog not his what so ever
misspulkadot24 17
Get your dumb blonde friend who coincidentally is a lawyer and march up to his trailer and say these words: "I'm taking the dog...dumbass!" It works, I saw it in a movie.
TBelle4Ever 15
You're talking about Legally Blonde, and the girl in that movie was NOT dumb. She was incredibly smart. You should watch that movie again to see what I'm talking about.
misspulkadot24 17
Nope...pretty sure she was dumb. She got into Harvard because of her body, did well in class because her professor wanted to bang her, and won that case because she knew a lot about perms and cosmetics. Let's be realistic...she was dumb, and that kind of scenario doesn't happen in real life.
amandajlucas2015 2
I'm pretty I'm speaking on behalf of blondes everywhere when I say that being blonde does not make you dumb.. Especially considering I am blonde and I got into the university that I wanted and not because of my body and not because I knew a lot about perms and whatever or because guys wanted to bang me.. Thanks but please shut up
misspulkadot24 17
My sister is blonde and gets straight A's. That wasn't my point all. I'm saying in THIS movie there was a dumb blonde. 2 separate adjectives. Being blonde doesn't have anything to do with how smart or dumb you are.
Bluekaren16 19
To all the blondes there is a reason why everyone calls blondes dumb. When people bleach their hair, the peroxide in the hair dye causes brain damage. That is where the blonde jokes came about. The media also has a lot to do with it.
winnerme123 8
Not all blondes are dumb. Most of them just have no common sense.
Ihavehiccups 5
The point of the film was that people thought she was dumb, but then she worked hard and got into law school and was able to solve a murder case using, uh, alternate knowledge. But she wasn't dumb. To OP, don't worry about him, and if anything happens to your dog you know who your prime suspect is.
glittercookies 12
She was ditzy and Girly. But she wasn't stupid. She studied hard. And her other (female) professors were impressed by her.
TBelle4Ever 15
Thank you 101 and 103 for understanding what I was saying.
MrKapono 4
She very pretty, shes not lying. Also I think she wins the argument/debate.
redmane 21
I know this is relatively old and no one will look at this. Bleach and brain damage? There are natural blondes.
kittysundae 8
Legally blonde
GlobalGenocide 8
Ok so now for the all important question... Are you 10 years and 3 months old? :)
Hiimhaileypotter 53
What? Why?
ForeverEminem1 5
haha this is possible, I never thought of that. :P
grace31297 14
57- are you a moron? Honestly?