Today, after 4 months of no family contact while deployed in the military, I receive an email from my mother. Attached was a picture of a toilet full of green shit, with a message from my mom saying, "Seen neon poo before? Thought I would share!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I visited my mother's new apartment, and found a picture of yours truly hanging above her toilet, and I asked why it was there. She shrugged and said, "Because the thought of you makes me want to take a shit?" FML
Today, my mom showed my girlfriend a picture of me crying when I pooped in the bathtub. FML
Today, after discovering my grown-up kids have sent poop pictures to each other since they were teenagers, I had an epic poop that looked like a question mark. So I finally lowered myself to their level and sent a picture of it to them. It got sent to my boss by accident. FML
Today, I saw a kid taking a dump next to my lawn. The good news: his mother picked up the poop to discard it. The bad news: she put it in my mailbox. I now have a pile of smelly brownish tissue-wrapped goo baking under the hot sun inside my mailbox. FML
Today, I got an email from a colleague with a picture in it of shit on the toilet seat. The email said, "Not pointing fingers but I left you out of the last email." I pee a lot and so I use the toilet a lot. I think everyone at work thinks it was me. FML
Today, my mom came home from surgery. Upon arriving home, she flashed a paper in my face and said, "Want to see pictures of my colon?" My eyes are still burning. FML
Today, I took a massive shit and flushed the toilet, but it apparently didn’t flush properly. My mom then entered the bathroom, took a picture of my shit, and showed it to everyone she knows. She doesn’t understand why I’m embarrassed, and thinks that I should instead "take pride" in my giant poop. FML
Today, I received a package from my deployed husband. It contained a scarf, a letter, and a bag full of his pubes. FML
Today, my brother started a new tradition: sending me pictures of every poop he takes. FML
Today, I was on the toilet, when my Mom thought it would be a fun idea to barge in, take a picture of me, post it on Facebook, and tag me. FML
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Top comments
SCREAM4meeee 0
well, have you?
ceilingfans 1
Take that as a challenge. Im sure if you eat enough fruity pebbles your shit will turn rainbow.
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Comments (143)
SCREAM4meeee 0
well, have you?
SdCounty33 0
Your family blows.
Keyman1212 14
I have indeed seen green poo before!
tylersign 11
9- picture + comment = yesplz And OP, is this how your family normally communicates with each other...? It's not normal.
fthislyfe 22
Has your mom been eating radio active stuff?
enonymous 9
Yeah everytime I eat soylent green I take a monster green dump. Like if I had ate the lucky charms dude and shit him out
Keyman1212 14
37- It is very common for individuals who's diet normally lacks in green vegetables to have green bowel movements when they eat green vegetables.
fthislyfe 22
41: I know! But GREEN poo is different from NEON poo. Neon is shiny
EmyB_fml 8
Wow. That's an interesting family situation you have there...
awagh666 14
Green is the new black....or brown....
ShyAnn29 15
I've seen green poop too, I have an ileostomy so I've seen lots of colors lol! Sorry if TMI
FreakingFYou 13
Neon also glows in the dark, 45
My_Name_Is_ 5
Thats what happens eating green grapes all day.
sublimaze 6
Wow. Your mom sees green shit and thinks of you. She must be really proud of you.
truededication 0
tell her to try fingerpainting!
Clozzie 0
And then....
lmaoatall 6
Maybe she's not the fartsie artsie type. Or is it artsie fartsie? Doesn't matter, I'm just trying to be shitty witty!
jimboner69 6
OP don't care what your family does or doesn't btw. Thanks for serving your country!!!
zandalee 20
I am so glad it is finally 2013!
perdix 31
The good news is that you can run into enemy fire and not have to face your mom again.
Keyman1212 14
The bad news is, OP is deployed in the pacific, where there is no enemy fire to run into.
LadyLexi 0
OP didn't say where he/she/it was deployed.
LadyLexi 0
Oh, nvm. Now I see lol
capilot 10
Yeah, I was just thinking that OP probably rushed right out to sign up for another tour.
perdix 31
Isn't North Korea and the DMZ part of the Pacific area? Even if he gets deployed to a peaceful area, he can run at the locals like a madman and be brought down by "friendly fire."
Keyman1212 14
The Navy doesn't deploy to North Korea or the DMZ. He's probably in Hawaii or Japan.
MrBoredGuy 1
He could be a Marine
i75thairborne 0
The only deployments in the pacific are in Korea. The rest are permanent stations. But even then, you can get stationed Korea.
Keyman1212 14
106- Don't call yourself a CCT if you are doing your AST training. That's like someone calling themselves a doctor while still in college.
rcloca 10
I guess you could say *puts sunglasses on* it was a shitty situation.
nixter5 18
I know this is EXTREMELY over-used, but you really do fail.
DocBastard 40
You just used two overused, trite, stupid commenting gags in the same comment. On a scale of 1 to idiot, you're an idiot.
white16sox 19
DocBastard said it. And he's never wrong.
malbell07 0
PMeg you need to do something about it. It is beyond your control and it's destroying you. You don't know how close I am to talking to your parents or even his! And if he is suicidal some one needs to tell his parents! Him and I dot get along, but know one should feel like that!
Skittlepickle 13
I guess you just wanted to be one of the first to comment. And a shitty comment was all that ou could think of.
rcloca 10
92, that's exactly what it was.
FreakingFYou 13
I would say dumbass. That's a whole other level.
alchemist27 13
You made my day
ceilingfans 1
Take that as a challenge. Im sure if you eat enough fruity pebbles your shit will turn rainbow.
BronyVasNormandy 12
Dammit, now I want a bowl of Fruity Pebbles. That stuff is awesome.
RedPillSucks 33
Try skittles, instead. Fruity pebbles is made of the same stuff as fruit loops
apache316 6
Your mom is the shit :)
KennyMcCrmick322 0
You should make a giant sh*t, take a pic of it and send it to ur mom saying "have you ever seen a poo this big!!" bet she'd get a kick outta that
Randy84 10
That's why you shouldn't eat glow sticks.
MissyMari 5
If you eat a glow stick it would stop your heart.
KennyMcCrmick322 0
wow..... All I can say to u # 80 is wow, for taken the fun outta a great joke Just, wow.....
spearodude 0
superman ice cream. that gives you rainbow shit 100% of the time.
LadyLexi 0
Or fruity pebbles, fruit loops, etc.
Hayman68 4
or Nyan Cat
tygerarmy 35
or Kryptonite
hannahcorrine 0
That's gross. And thanks for serving for our country!
gardianlh24 0
Finally, it took for-*******-ever to find someone to actually thank this guy for military service. My grandfather is out in Afghanistan and there is nothing like being able to contact home. I thank you sir for serving our country. God bless and be safe!
rae_munchkin 6
You should send her a picture of a toilet full of shit back.