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By Jared - 23/10/2015 18:08 - United States

Today, I picked up my car after I got it painted. As I backed up in the parking lot, my car scraped against a pillar. Now I have to put it right back in the shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 558

You deserved it 13 949

By bablessinbedsty - 05/05/2017 14:45

Today, I announced to my fiance that I was pregnant with twins. He immediately called off the engagement, furious at me because we "agreed to only have one child". Sorry my embryo decided to split in two. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 474

You deserved it 645

By Anonymous - 08/11/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, I was playing ball with my student during recess. My first attempt at throwing the ball hit him in the head. My second attempt hit him in the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 219

You deserved it 8 047

By anonymous - 30/07/2015 22:04 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I had to sit through an entire conversation where my sister and her boyfriend sent voice messages to one another, of their farts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 712

You deserved it 2 217

Zinger

By LZapped - 08/06/2015 13:35 - United States - Mundelein

Spicy

Today, I am going to take a law school test. My Mom told me to relax, so I told her, "I'm better at stressing out, so I have something to fall back on if I bomb the test." To which she replied, "And masturbating, you've always excelled at that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 419

You deserved it 5 356

Wake up, human!

By inveralaska - 16/06/2016 21:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a kitten. She decided to sleep on my bed, waking me up periodically during the night by biting my face to make sure I was still alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 063

You deserved it 2 364

By Latina - 11/01/2013 10:24 - United States - Phoenix

Today, my boyfriend of over a year told me he wanted to learn Korean before Spanish. Apparently, being able to sing along to Gangnam Style is more important to him than being able to speak with my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 696

You deserved it 7 613

By -_- - 22/04/2015 15:06 - United States - Amherst

Today, my boss gave me the job of dealing with the guys doing the roofing at our store. His reasoning is that since we're all Hispanic, I'm perfect for the job because "You guys all know each other." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 525

You deserved it 2 745

Morning motivation

By thermos - 03/02/2009 23:47 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had a sexy dream, woke up and started to masturbate quite vigorously. When I finished, I hopped off the top bunk naked to see my brother and his girlfriend laying in the bottom bunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 202

You deserved it 53 490

By GhillieSuitsnBiscuits - 10/04/2016 20:53 - United States - Portland

Today, I had a lady come up to me in a store just to tell me how bad my acne was and what remedies I should use. I got so embarrassed, all I could say was, "OK" and, "Thank you" until she left me alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 590

You deserved it 1 475

By Anonymous - 05/04/2016 20:13 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I forgot an important book for school, because I dreamt that I was putting it in my bag. My brain somehow classified it as reality. This isn't the first time my dreams have trolled me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 217

You deserved it 2 456

By Anonymous - 03/11/2011 05:18 - Australia

Today, I came home after a short trip. Walking through the door, an overpowering smell indicated that in my rush to leave I'd forgotten to bring the cat litter tray indoors. The place was covered in cat urine. It was as if I'd created a cycling ecosystem of evaporated urine turning into urine rain-clouds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 003

You deserved it 29 232

By Anonymous - 01/01/2011 13:30 - United States

Today, my fiancé suggested we bring his elderly mother with us on our honeymoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 879

You deserved it 3 497

By Parental Support - 30/08/2013 04:11 - United States - Ellicott City

Today, I found out I was 13th in a graduating class of about 350 students. When I told my mother, without batting an eye, she told me, "Hey, shit floats". FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 634

You deserved it 2 992

By moosemay - 19/01/2016 17:03 - Germany - Dittelbrunn

Today, I took my two-year-old daughter to the dentist for her first check-up. We were at the front desk when she tripped, fell and chipped her front tooth on the marble floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 266

You deserved it 1 536

By Anonymous - 08/12/2010 01:49 - United States

Today, while walking past a homeless man, I heard him comment on the woman in front of me saying, "I should come to this side of town more often, there's some hotties here." Then he saw me and said, "Wait, no, I think I'll stay on the other side of town." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 160

You deserved it 3 982

By shelovespiano - 22/12/2015 03:40 - United States - Ponte Vedra Beach

Today, after adjusting me, my chiropractor said I should stop sitting for long periods of time, because it's likely the reason for my chronic back pain. My job is as his front-desk receptionist. He yells at me if I'm not at my seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 838

You deserved it 1 604

hfslkp47012759 tells us more.

hfslkp47012759 28

Friday 25 December 2015 1:36

OP here:) Y'all are pretty nice xD I should have been more specific...if I'm standing even an inch from my chair I receive comments about how I should not take the job lightly and someone could come in. What's even more ironic is that he actually recommends that I stretch in the back room, but like I said, I am given a talking to if I move much further than the printer...all in all I do enjoy my job:) I was very lucky to get it at all and I'm saving up for college. I doubt that I'll be able to fix my back issues at the university, but I'll do my best:) Kisses, Sophie ?

By Anonymous - 20/12/2015 10:19 - United States - Chesterfield

Today, after quitting my job to take a very attractive position with a competitor, I was told the position was no longer being offered. I'm now on my way to file for unemployment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 620

You deserved it 4 281

By whitnayfortooh - 04/12/2015 18:26 - United States - Hampton

Today, I was trying to get a piece of apple that was stuck in between my teeth. A chunk of my tooth came out instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 365

You deserved it 2 384

whitnayfortooh tells us more.

whitnayfortooh 29

Saturday 5 December 2015 2:50

I grind my teeth pretty violently at night which caused the chip. Not bad dental hygiene ;)

Relatable

By ayeayeboy19 - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I was watching "My Strange Addiction". The woman featured ate rocks. While judging her weird habit, I realised I was chewing on a coat-hanger the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 140

You deserved it 14 493

Gassy

By Fartnonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Qatar - Doha

Today, it's been a week since I started farting in my sleep for no apparent reason. It's so frequent and so foul-smelling that my husband and I are both losing sleep and are having to take afternoon naps to make up for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 093

You deserved it 2 758

By _whyy_mee - 02/07/2015 18:00 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, my neighbor yelled at me for driving recklessly. I was going 35 mph, and she was stopped in the middle of a road around a blind curve. My "reckless driving" was slamming on the brakes so I wouldn't hit her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 836

You deserved it 1 974

By Crochocinco85 - 13/03/2014 11:59 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was walking through the main lobby at school and I saw someone waving at me, so I waved back. Turns out she was just cleaning a glass door. I heard laughter behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 699

You deserved it 6 452

Pish yerself

By Carnage23 - 05/06/2016 12:38 - Germany - Herborn

Today, I was on a long road trip with my son. He had to pee, and told him he had to wait till I could stop the car. He started counting backwards from 10. I couldn't stop in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 045

You deserved it 2 245

By noname - 03/01/2009 03:26 - France

Today, when I came home, my daughter's baby-sitter was busy smelling my thongs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 586

You deserved it 2 607

Great seeing you again

By Kristin - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my husband's old fraternity brother came to visit. He fell out of his car, puked, then passed out drunk in our driveway. We got him to the bathroom, where he fell asleep. He woke up at 4am, wandered around the house naked, pooped in my trash can, then passed out again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 023

You deserved it 3 981

By bleurghh - 31/12/2010 15:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I saw a guy I like when I was out shopping. We acknowledged each other with a little wave, but as I walked away, I heard him say to his friend, "She's never gonna get me with THAT moustache." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 897

You deserved it 8 862

By broke_kid - 03/01/2010 13:18 - United States

Today, I noticed white stuff in my colored clothes as I transferred them from the washer to the dryer. That's when I realized that the white stuff is my paycheck which I had put in my pants earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 160

You deserved it 15 041

By brokenhearted - 19/01/2016 14:59 - Sweden - Kung?lv

Today, I told my boyfriend he's the only good thing left in my life. That's not a healthy relationship dynamic, he said, and ended up breaking up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 078

You deserved it 3 590

By paperbagofdoom - 29/05/2009 05:20 - United States

Today, while working at a certain California theme park in full costume, I was approached by a kid in line, who looked at me and exclaimed, "Hey look, its Indiana Jones!" which felt pretty amazing. His sister, who was maybe seven years old, glanced over at me and said, "No, he's way too fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 710

You deserved it 5 168

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Today, I got a call from a job I had applied for. Everything went great until I realized I had applied to the wrong location, across town. I'm so broke, I went to the interview anyway. It will cost me more to pay for the gas to drive there to work, than what I will actually make. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 142

You deserved it 2 285

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She'd walked in on me jerking off, which she said is exactly the same as cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 072

You deserved it 10 392

Today, I took the bus. The old lady next to me almost fell when the driver stopped, but I managed to catch her. Five minutes later, the same thing happened to me. The old lady tried to help me, but I lost my balance and pulled her skirt down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 246

You deserved it 2 548

Today, my dad decided to clean out my car and "accidentally" threw away my $520 tax refund check. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 205

You deserved it 6 841

Today, my family gathered at my 96 year old great-grandmother's surprise birthday party that was my idea. When she walked in, we surprised her so much that she literally had a heart attack. She is now in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 311

You deserved it 17 562

Today, I finally lost some weight. Unfortunately, that's only because I had a testicle removed due to cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 113

You deserved it 80