Today, while at my friend's house, she had to leave the room for a few minutes. Her dad then put me in a headlock and told me that I had "better treat his daughter right if I ever wanted to walk again," because she's in love with me. Then he left. I'm a gay guy. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at a friend's house; she left the room for a few minutes. Her dad then put me in a headlock and told me that I'd, "better treat his daughter right if I ever wanted to walk again," because she's in love with me. I'm a gay guy, and she knows. FML
Today, my girlfriend slapped me and dumped me because she thought I was gay, simply because I had to miss a date because one of my guy friends was in a car accident, and I went to see him at the hospital. FML
Today, I was at a party. The girl I'm madly in love with referred to me as her 'Gay Friend.' She refused to kiss me in Spin-the-Bottle as 'She didn't want to do anything with anyone that night'. She then made out, and slept with, my 'best friend' whom she had never met before. FML
Today, I brought my best friend home and told my dad we were going to study together. He loudly replied "Woah!", stumbled around for a few seconds like he was drunk, then apologized and said the "sheer amount of gayness" between us had overloaded his gaydar. We're not gay, dammit! FML
Today, my new girlfriend's father made good on his "What you do to her I do to you" threat when he took me out for drinks and then drunkenly hit on me. FML
Today, I was walking out of a bar when someone grabbed me by the throat, and slammed me against a wall, saying "Stop fooling around with my wife, because next time - I'll kill you." I'm gay and haven't been with a woman since 1985. FML
Today, my friend told me that she gave my number to a guy I've liked for a while. I asked why and she just said "He's just going to have to tell you himself." I got hopeful and really nervous. A few hours later he calls. Turns out, he's called to try and get a date with my gay friend. FML
Today, my mom drove me to football practice. On the way she told me that she thought I was gay and that my friend was my lover. After 15 agonizing minutes of this, we get to my practice only to be greeted by my shirtless friend wearing a pink bandana saying, "Man, you hit me hard last night." FML
Today, my new friend and I went out to a concert. When we came back to her house, she ran upstairs and left me alone. Suddenly, a naked man came into my view and I stared at him, horrified. Great way to meet her Dad. FML
Today, my father contacted me for the first time in years to ask about my upcoming wedding, and possibly walking me down the aisle. He claimed the only reason he left was because he thought I'd be gay. I am. FML
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Top comments
coute21 6
I would have said, "Wtf? Let go of me - she's just a friend and I'm gay!" Those kind of misunderstandings are best cleared up immediately. Better clear it up with your friend too in case she really is in love with you and it's not just the dad's misconception.
ojoRojo 27
Does your friend know you’re gay? Because apparently she needs to know
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Comments (3)
RichardPencil 32
Looks like you're going to "convert." And if you're writing an FML about being manhandled by an older man, you're probably not that gay anyways.
xXPikachuXx 21
this is probably one of the most ignorant comments I've seen you post, and I've seen a lot of your comments.
RichardPencil 32
You've read a lot of my comments and still take me seriously? C'mon, man!
coute21 6
I would have said, "Wtf? Let go of me - she's just a friend and I'm gay!" Those kind of misunderstandings are best cleared up immediately. Better clear it up with your friend too in case she really is in love with you and it's not just the dad's misconception.
AmbrosiaFan 19
Unless dad hates gay people...
ojoRojo 27
Does your friend know you’re gay? Because apparently she needs to know