The Top

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By Anonymous - 18/03/2015 07:06 - United States

Today, my dad spent 30 minutes incorrectly correcting me about our legal system. He thinks he knows more than me because he's been divorced twice. I'm a lawyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 163

You deserved it 2 448

Could it be possible…?

By so pray to ariel about it, dipshits - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, two of my friends condemned me for being "narrow-minded", because I couldn't help but laugh at the thought that someone would believe mermaids actually exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 563

You deserved it 5 262

By unknown - 04/02/2011 08:11

Today, I woke up and stepped out of bed right into a pile of dog crap. Acting quickly, I jumped on to my other foot, which would have been a great idea, except for this morning there were two piles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 683

You deserved it 5 984

Cackle

By easily amused - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I discovered my 10 month-old is terrified of my laugh. Every time I start to laugh, she screams in terror. It's getting depressing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 639

You deserved it 4 579

By kana__ - 21/01/2015 16:26 - Japan

Today, my sister got her retouched wedding photos. Apparently one of the things she had the professional do was edit me out of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 333

You deserved it 2 663

ARE YOU SORRY?

By Jim - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, during PE, I got hit in the face with the ball. Everyone cheered because we got 5 extra points. No one asked if I was okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 900

You deserved it 4 392

By hot_mess88 - 04/07/2009 15:24 - United States

Today, I got called to a biker bar to break up a fight between my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 145

You deserved it 2 595

By Anonymous - 02/10/2012 07:10 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was sitting in the park with my new dog; I got her from the pound last week. We were enjoying the sun when I noticed that every time a black person walked past, she'd bark like crazy. Great, my dog is a racist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 059

You deserved it 3 195

By Anonymous - 26/12/2010 02:29 - United States

Today, I was able to land a nice apartment solely based on the fact that my puppy is potty trained. During the required pet interview, my dog 'got sick' and defecated all over the apartment office. I now have to clean the mess knowing that I will not be allowed to live there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 535

You deserved it 4 304

By hatemyluck - 10/09/2012 02:12 - United States - Bronx

Today, my boyfriend was showing me photos on his iPod when he came across a photo of a half-naked girl. He tried to play it off by quickly changing it, only to reveal even more half-naked girls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 558

You deserved it 3 280

Back off

By Cassidy - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that my crush didn't make up a fake girlfriend to get me jealous; he made her up as a way to tell me to back off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 516

You deserved it 36 673

By kraziikayce - 26/12/2009 01:20 - United States

Today, my uncle got me a debit card and put $1000 on it for my Christmas present. However, he forgot to activate the card. The receipt with the 14-digit activation code is in the garbage in Colorado. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 849

You deserved it 3 787

Weird reason

By Anonymous - 01/01/2016 10:33 - United States - Antioch

Today, my girlfriend furiously bitched me out because I got more upset about my phone screen cracking than when she told me about the death of her cat. We hadn't even met when her cat died. Did she expect me to burst into tears from hearing the story? Guess who's single again… FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 177

You deserved it 3 460

By Anonymous - 03/10/2014 20:43 - United States - Tempe

Today, I overheard my brother telling his friend that having sex with a girl who's on the pill gives the guy female hormones and "turns you into like, half-chick, half-dude." He was serious. How am I related to this moron? FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 480

You deserved it 3 105

By makeyourselfathome - 17/09/2014 12:18 - Australia - Richmond

Today, I got up at 4.30am, like I do every morning, and got ready for work. Just as I was about to walk out the door, my flatmate jumped me and beat the snot out of me thinking I was a burglar. Because apparently burglars shower, make toast and clean up before stealing all your shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 537

You deserved it 3 032

Hey you

By djteller - 25/04/2009 00:13 - Israel

Today, while I was running around the block, I got the urge to spit. Suddenly I noticed this beautiful girl running in front me. Trying to impress her, I smiled and by mistake drooled everything on the pavement. She wasn't impressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 055

You deserved it 48 768

Weewooweewoo

By Anonymous - 19/09/2010 05:38 - United States

Today, I accidentally bumped into the fire alarm which set off a high pitched buzzing noise that could be heard throughout the entire dorm. It went on for at least two hours and none of the technicians could figure out how to turn it off. All the girls on my floor are mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 036

You deserved it 7 072

By knifewow - 20/10/2016 08:30 - Australia - Ashgrove

Today, I angrily waved away an annoying fly with a large knife. I stabbed myself in the shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 430

You deserved it 13 487

By Lovelysister - 21/10/2009 23:21 - United States

Today, I texted my brother saying, "Always remember I love you! Never forget it!" to which he replied, "You better not be doing drugs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 037

You deserved it 9 764

By Anonymous - 22/07/2015 01:35 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my brother told me to, "Stop bitching and get over it" after I complained of pain from my stomach after invasive surgery. This from the guy who spends multiple hours a day playing Halo and whining about the stupid ways he got killed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 820

You deserved it 2 086

Activism but with cupcakes

By feminismlol - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I went to my first meeting at the university women's group, excited to become a more involved feminist. The first item on the meeting's agenda? The upcoming bake sale. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 161

You deserved it 29 826

By Anonymous - 01/10/2009 05:38 - United States

Today, I invited over 30 people to come to the park with me since the day was nice and cool. I sat there for three hours by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 402

You deserved it 5 109

By Anonymous - 20/03/2012 16:50 - Sweden - Nora

Today, I was walking back to my hotel from the town square, and got lost. I turned back and walked around town for an hour, freaking out and panicking. When I finally found the hotel, I realized it was practically a stone's throw from where I was when I turned around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 255

You deserved it 6 980

Oh no.

By Anonymous - 07/01/2018 01:30

Today, while cleaning out my daughter's closet, I found my missing dildo. It's a mold of my husband's penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 445

You deserved it 1 680

Missed you too

By ooook - 16/02/2009 17:08 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend came over. After I'd finished pouring my heart out to him about how much I missed him, and how much I loved him, he looked at me and asked, "So are we gonna do it, or what?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 295

You deserved it 11 608

By stupidtoothpick2 - 16/08/2009 05:19 - United States

Today, I spent hours trying to get a piece of food out of my two front teeth. I didn't have anything I could use, until I went out to dinner and got a toothpick. I finally got the food out of teeth. The toothpick broke. Now the tip of the toothpick is stuck in my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 291

You deserved it 8 499

By Anonymous - 06/02/2011 17:53 - United States

Today, while waiting on a customer at a restaurant, I accidentally asked a midget if she'd like a children's menu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 770

You deserved it 30 600

By FML - 15/07/2009 14:29 - Syrian Arab Republic

Today, my long-distance boyfriend came to visit. We went to a cafe where I managed to lock myself in the toilet, breaking the key. I then had to wait for them to break down the door. I came out to applause from everyone, who had been laughing at me for 25 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 685

You deserved it 5 317

By Jif_Creamy - 28/02/2016 05:00 - United States - Washington

Today, at my college, someone snatched my laptop out of my hands, so I chased him. Turns out I'm so overweight and slow that he moonwalked away facing me, while I sprinted my heart out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 920

You deserved it 7 191

By Acidic Donut - 30/06/2013 23:48 - United States - Brookfield

Today, I hid my parents' booze since I'd always thought their shitty behavior was due to drinking too much. Turns out they're just assholes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 729

You deserved it 8 956

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The Top

Today, I’m on vacation in Ecuador in a small youth hostel. My Skype interview for a prestigious marketing Masters would have been perfect if a hippie hadn’t come near me to play the ukulele while smoking a joint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 634

You deserved it 113

Today, I decided to splurge and get valet parking at a fancy restaurant. I got out of the car and gave the man my keys and watched as he slowly backed my car into another car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 623

You deserved it 3 595

Today, I learned that weed brownie plus weed gummies leads to me drooling… on my ex-husband’s cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 2 458

Today, I finally got my ass into gear and went to the DMV to renew my driver's license. I waited in line for over two hours, only to find out that I had brought my library card instead of my license. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 1 033

Today, I was rushing to get to work on time and grabbed what I thought was my coffee mug. It wasn't until I was in the car that I realized I had grabbed my husband's urinalysis cup. Not quite the morning boost I was expecting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 270

Today, some girls followed me into the girls room at school. Once I got into the stall, one snuck up on me from the next stall over and grabbed my arms. The others grabbed and took my pants and panties, which were around my ankles. They ran off and left me in there for hours, bottomless. I never got my clothes back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 049

You deserved it 118