The Top

Okay, this is about to sound really dumb. But unless someone happened to have the same thing happen to them and happened to post it on FML the same day as I, I'm the OP. I'm unsure because of the fact that it says Australia and Anonymous. Hmm. To explain things a little more: he was totally kidding. We joke around like this a lot. I wasn't offended, until I realised I haven't received an actual compliment in years. We had been talking about how his parents normally believe that he's dating any girl he speaks to, except me. I responded by saying , "Oh, so I don't look like a girl?" I wasn't fishing for compliments, in case you were wondering. (I'd also like to say thank you to anyone who commented anything like "I bet you're beautiful". Reading the comments made my day.) I just said it as a joke. He replied, "Kind of, from the right angle." It wasn't meant to offend me, but it did make my day a pretty bad when I thought about it too much. Oh well, he didn't mean any harm. I also don't dress like a guy, and don't have a short haircut. I also wear makeup. So I don't believe I have many "manly" features.

By crb25453 - 15/10/2015 05:07 - United States - Stafford

Today, I drove to my college campus for my 8 a.m. class, parked, walked the mile and a half to my classroom, just to find out class had been cancelled. The prof didn't send an email because she couldn't remember her password. I paid $1200 to be taught by this woman, who has a doctorate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 835

You deserved it 2 264

By Anonymous - 20/06/2014 19:21 - United States - Concord

Today, we went to the wedding of one of my friends. As she was about to throw her bouquet, my boyfriend muttered that if I tried to catch it, we'd be through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 969

You deserved it 5 550

Recruitement hell

By nocanhaz - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to a job interview. The person giving me my interview was late, and while waiting for them I fell asleep. When they arrived, they didn't even bother interviewing me because they thought I was irresponsible since I fell asleep because they were late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 907

You deserved it 50 489

By rhcpgurl - 23/07/2015 15:07 - United States - San Jose

Today, after 2 months of searching, I finally found a good, stable job. How does the universe reward me upon waking up on my very first day? With a burning yeast infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 851

You deserved it 2 670

By Ineverknew - 19/03/2009 16:43 - United States

Today, I texted my girlfriend, saying how I hated my job, I felt trapped, and that I was wasting my time working there. A few minutes later, she answered, "That's how I feel about our relationship." FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 773

You deserved it 7 941

By wils - 24/07/2010 09:49 - United States

Today, after work, I peeled a parking ticket off my windshield. It was so hot that the ink from the ticket made a stamp on my windshield. Now I have a permanent reminder staring me in the face wherever I drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 674

You deserved it 7 909

By Anonymous - 06/09/2009 18:23 - United States

Today, I was fired from my job. I was a lifeguard and the other day a 30 year-old man who only spoke Spanish hit on me. I'm 16 and I'd politely rejected him. He then went to the front desk and told them how I tried molesting him in the locker room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 561

You deserved it 2 651

By Anonymous - 15/12/2013 00:48 - Canada

Today, for my 18th birthday my mum gave me a black lace thong. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 392

You deserved it 4 177

By Anonymous - 23/02/2011 18:46 - United States

Today, I spent my remaining cash on a doctor's visit, only to find out that at the age of 22, I'm getting major health problems brought on by stress. I came home to relax, only to find out my roommate can't pay his rent, and needs me to cover for him so we don't get evicted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 669

You deserved it 2 786

Some things never change…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Fresno

Today, I walked into my house with my friend, only to discover my husband, half-naked, and yelling at the TV screen while watching a soccer game. By half-naked, I mean he was only wearing a shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 052

You deserved it 2 950

By Anonymous - 06/02/2010 19:50 - United States

Today, while I was backing out of the my work's parking lot, I hit my boss's truck. While he was in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 833

You deserved it 23 624

By Gwayhir - 19/11/2008 04:58 - France

Today, I was making love with my girlfriend and my landline rang. Obviously, I let it go to voicemail. At the very moment I was about to cum, I heard my mum's voice on my voicemail: "Hi sweetheart!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 116

You deserved it 4 932

Oh Romeo…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my drunk boyfriend decided to try to serenade me by throwing rocks at my window and singing a song about how much he loves me. This would have been extremely sweet if he would have gotten my window instead of my dad's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 133

You deserved it 2 480

Too late

By Anonymous - 08/06/2009 13:25 - United States

Today, I was at my friend's house. It was dark and downpouring so I couldn't see as I was backing out of his driveway. I made it out, but then my phone went off, scaring me, and I accidentally hit the gas pedal, hitting his neighbor's parked car. Turns out he called to warn me to watch out for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 287

You deserved it 7 548

Dirty talk

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 06:57 - United States

Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 347

You deserved it 4 767

I just work here

By NathanA - 08/07/2013 23:54 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was verbally abused by a customer because her entrée was too fishy. I'm not the chef, just the waiter and I work at a fish grill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 341

You deserved it 2 848

Assumptions

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to get a haircut. The hairdresser at the counter was kind of cute, so I had to say something non-standard. When she greeted me with her hello, I replied, "Guess what I need from you today?" She looked at me, considered, and replied, "An eyebrow wax?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 535

You deserved it 40 461

Thank you for your service

By alek - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was the waiter for my family at the village inn. It wasn't too bad, until I found out they left me no tip, only a napkin that said, "Get a haircut." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 392

You deserved it 3 771

Never enough

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I wanted to spend the day cleaning my room. My mom thinks that I was lying just to stay home, so she yelled at me to go to her shop. At the shop, she yelled at me for not being any help. When we got home she yelled at me for having a messy room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 231

You deserved it 3 956

By FUCKKKS - 03/03/2013 17:37 - United States

Today, after a long work shift, I was so tired that I took a nap in my car to avoid driving half-asleep. When I awoke, there was a huge truck in front of me. I thought I'd fallen asleep while driving and was about to die. I only realized it was stationary after I pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 963

You deserved it 6 106

By Doors Hate Me - 02/03/2013 14:09 - United States

Today, as I was about to open a door at school, a student opened it and hit me. As I recovered and was about to open it again, someone else opened the door, hitting me again. Everyone laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 037

You deserved it 3 893

POS

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Pardeeville

Today, my dad might be dead. I'm basing this solely on the fact that he hasn't called recently to verbally abuse me as he often does. He constantly beat me as a child, yet now I'm kind of worried for the piece of shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 683

You deserved it 1 323

Friday, baby!

By jack - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - France - Ajaccio

Today, I tried inviting the girl I like out to dinner. She replied, "Sorry, I already have plans." I asked her what they were, and she said, "I don’t know yet, but I’ll think of something." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 683

You deserved it 2 424

Hitting it off

By hihipanda - 30/08/2009 12:58 - Singapore

Today, my friend and I went to a bar for drinks. I noticed this cute girl and went over to say "Hi." I had a great conversation with her and I asked for her number before she left. She passed it to me on a piece of paper with instructions specifying for my friend to call her and not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 557

You deserved it 3 339

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Drunk Embarrassing Miscellaneous Awkward Neighbours Cars Spooky Transportation Work Annoying Noise Animals Insects Delivery Cats Roommate Clothes Job interview Childfree Parents Homeowners Home improvement Vacation Camping Holidays Stalker Grandparents Kids Relatable Health

The Top

Today, things were getting steamy with my boyfriend. For once, I tried to be more vocal to turn him on. After five minutes, he says, "Could you stop making animal noises, I feel like I’m fucking in a farmyard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 620

You deserved it 104

Today, I got screamed at to the point of tears by a Starbucks employee for "giving an obviously fake name" to confuse one of the employees. I told her my real name. My name is Ian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 234

You deserved it 2 759

Today, for our last kid-free dinner before the birth of our 4th child, we chose a Japanese hibachi restaurant. They sat us with a family with a toddler, who started screaming at the first flame trick, causing the chef to cease to do anything entertaining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 805

You deserved it 4 603

Today, I was at an awards dinner. I whispered into my wife's ear that she looked really pretty. She whispered in my ear that I should stop clapping so loud, because I was embarrassing her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 874

You deserved it 6 950

Today, exactly six months out from the biopsy of a spot on my leg approximately the size of a fleck of ground pepper, I have a 2-inch long scar and railroad scar dots from the stitches involved. Next time, get the dermatologist refer me to a plastic surgeon instead of doing it himself. Bonus? It still aches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 568

You deserved it 698

Today, after months of my girlfriend crying about cockroaches, I finally called and paid for an exterminator. Now she's furious at me for "making decisions for her" and she keeps pointing out that, since she owns the house, what I did was technically illegal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 589

You deserved it 135