Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents at a family dinner. There was plenty of alcohol on offer, as is normal at our get-togethers. She got blind drunk and ended up crying to my mum about how I can't please her because I have a small penis and my oral sucks. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my family. Everything went well until my mum started hitting the brandy. While kicked back in her chair, she asked my boyfriend how satisfactory I was in bed, and if he enjoyed going down on me. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's mom. She went on about how my girlfriend's dad is a no good drunk, following this statement with spilling her fifth glass of wine. FML
Today, my "future" wife got drunk in front of my parents, who she was meeting for the first time. She called my dad a piece of shit and told my mom she wants to tear her own eyes out. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to a family dinner. It went well, until my dad got drunk and started telling everyone about how "midgets" are assholes and are ruining America. FML
Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML
Today, while at family dinner, my boyfriend got drunk and told my entire family the things I do in bed. FML
Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents over lunch. Unfortunately, I showed my dad her Facebook profile beforehand and he wouldn't stop making cracks about her duckfacing. It started with, "Don't let her eat the bread, it'll puff up in her stomach and kill her", and ended in tears. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's notoriously difficult mother. I had been looking forward to meeting her and making a good impression. Unfortunately, I could not greet her as her son's penis was still in my mouth. FML
Today, I met my fiancé's parents for the first time. The only problem was that I was highly intoxicated. FML
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Top comments
oj101 33
Drunken words are sober thoughts.
yoimtrollin 24
Good things come in tiny packages, she doesn't know what she's missing.
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Comments (65)
yoimtrollin 24
Good things come in tiny packages, she doesn't know what she's missing.
patrickalamo 48
Perhaps it is her big vag. V's a normal sized wang...
HeyHeyFishFillet 34
Shame on you #15! Don't you know here on FML we never assume a woman may have wider ****** than other women. We always have to question what is wrong with the man.
graceinsheepwear 34
Sounds like she knows what OP is missing though.
Erery 16
orgasms
jesustitts 20
It's not the size of the ship it's the motion of the ocean.
CoGhostRider 31
But you will never get anywhere if your oars don't reach the water. ;)
Justice_Beaver 13
It doesn't matter how big the banana is, it's how well you sit on it. Your girlfriend could take Katy Perry's advice?
Enslaved 38
What did the banana say to the vibrator? "Why are you shaking she's going to eat me."
zandalee 20
23. Best laugh I've had all day! Thank you!!
oj101 33
Drunken words are sober thoughts.
kumarina 35
Even if she thought that, she had to talk to OP about it, what can his mom do about bad oral???
vanity113 9
Cool story bro, please tell me more.
jondmon91 10
She can teach her son how to please a woman. Chivalry is truly dead.
caden_bro 9
What? What mother teachers their son how to give his girlfriend oral?
Nyx_fml 23
Wow. Your mom sounds like a very patient/understanding woman, just listening to all that.
cryssycakesx3 23
he didn't say what his mom's response was...
Gingerette 8
I hope she gave advice. At least awkward mom advice is better than awkward mom smack talk on the subject of small genitalia and the female response.
hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14
Alcohol is ALWAYS a bad idea at the first meeting...
kumarina 35
Until the day after....
Lizzy500 16
Unless your dad is purposely getting your fboyfriend tanked to see what kind of guy he is.
eternal_malaise 10
Either get a new girlfriend or talk to your doctor. Maybe both.
graceinsheepwear 34
"Doc, my penis is small and I am not good at ***********." Dr. Drew maybe could offer some advice, but that's about it.
cryssycakesx3 23
Lol #44 it was probably better to tell his mom...
kaitlynanne33 5
looks like u gotta step ur game up . sorry your mom had to be the first to know tho .. awkwardddd
ShyAnn29 15
Technically his girlfriend was the first to know, his mother was the 2nd.
caden_bro 9
What pleases one person may not bring pleasure to another; don't just assume the man has bad form.
AnthonyWheeler15 24
Oh dear, sorry to hear OP, she should've been more responsible for it being her first time meeting them.
MasqueradePrince 25
Well... If you suck at oral, you could always practice more, I can't really give advice for you being small... But... On the bright side the sky looks pretty in the morning sometimes, you could look at it and smile.
zandalee 20
Well put. Very well put. X
Gingerette 8
This is good advice. Everyone would be at least a little happier if they got up early and took a gander at the great blue yonder. It makes your problems look smaller.
patterq 4
I dont think making his 'problem' smaller is exactly what hes looking for, in fact i think its quite the opposite
NessaMae 19
Well, that wasn't a very good way to find out.