Today, I was awoken by my dad yelling into my ear. In shock, I jumped up off the couch, and came smashing down into the coffee table. FML
Today, my father was playing with my son and his toy animals. He picked one up and said, "What is this? Some kind of African horse?" It was a zebra. FML
Lily_Rain77 tells us more.
Lily_Rain77 25
the best part wad when he looked at me afterwards and he realised what .he said.
Today, is January 1st. Last night, I threw a party. Only 3 people came. Luckily, one of the people who came was the love of my life, I had been hoping to get a midnight kiss from him. Unluckly, he decided to get back with his ex-girlfriend. At my party. They were liplocked almost the whole time. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend. Things got a little hot and I started to pull up my shirt. She screamed and told me to stop because the innocence of her stuffed animals was at stake. We are 18, and she was dead serious. FML
Today, my parents and I went to the movies for my mom's birthday. After the movie, my mom and dad got into a fight, and left me at the movies. My cell phone was dead, and my house was about 12 miles away. They finally came and picked me up, hours later. FML
Today, my ex-girlfriend was having lunch with my parents. Believing she was in love with me and feeling the same, I dropped by. My parents told me that she’s their friend and that she has a boyfriend that they approve of, all while telling me I was never good enough for her. FML
Today, I just let out all my feeling for a woman that I have loved for 22 years. When I finished, she said "You're so funny!" and walked away. FML
Today, while at church, I received a text from my girlfriend, saying, "It's not working. We're over." Not only was my phone not on silent mode, I was sitting directly beside my now ex-girlfriend. FML
Today, I went to a dance with the boy I like. To my delight, he tried to pick me up. To my dismay, he couldn't. FML
Today, I was working as a counsellor at a special needs camp when one of the parents came up to my friend and asked her what my disorder was. FML
Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML
Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's house. I had a shower while he went downstairs. As I went to say goodbye to him, his mother muttered, "Slut" while pouring him orange juice. FML
Today, I found out the reason why my car has smelled so bad for the past two weeks. It turns out when my sister was bringing in groceries from my car she forgot to grab the raw chicken. FML
bkb12 tells us more.
Hey everyone, I'm the OP of this post. I didn't notice the smell for so long because the smell had started two weeks ago and only got worse everyday. I looked at my car and couldn't find the source. I sprayed it with febreze hoping that would make it go away. I'm a teenage girl, so I don't know much about cars so I figured it was just something in the hood. When I finally found the chicken, it had been under the backseat the whole time. My sister is actually only 9. I took her shopping with me and she offered to bring in all the bags. I guess I can't blame her though, because the chicken had been hiding. I told her about it and we laughed it off. My car smells fine now. Thanks for all the comments!
Today, I was at my only sister's wedding. She gave a speech about the person who means the most to her. She said, "She's my favorite sister, who has always been there for me." Being her only sister, I got up to hug her. Turns out she was talking about her slutty sorority sister. FML
Today, I sent an email to a girl I like about how I really feel about her. She later replied "Real funny, tell Michael to change his password!" FML
Today, my mother not only told me that my ex-husband will be spending Thanksgiving with her and my dad, but that I'm also no longer invited to spend the holiday with my family. FML
Today, I rummaged around in the attic, looking for old pictures of me and my family, so I could make a surprise collage. Instead, I found my dad's old journals, talking about how desperately he didn't want a kid, and how he wanted to leave my mother more and more every day that passed since I was born. FML
Today, I woke up and looked over to see the "beautiful girl" I slept with last night. Turns out it was the obsessive girl from my class with a man-face I had avoided all semester. In conclusion, beer goggles are very real and very powerful. FML
Today, my two year old girl said "motherfucker". Everyone laughed, even her grandparents. Our family is insane. FML
Today, at a family reunion, we all squeezed in for a picture. I set the self-timer and ran to get in it. 2 seconds before the picture went off, some guy came up, stole the camera, and ran away. FML
Today, I was about to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time. As things got heated, he broke down crying. I assumed it was just anxiety so I hugged him and told him it's alright and that it didn't matter, we'd try another time. Half an hour later, he confessed that he's actually gay. FML
Today, I attended my first day of school 4 days after reconstructive surgery. But no worries: I'm sure my alien-like appearance and 2 hours of Darth Vader style breathing in an otherwise silent test room will make me lots of friends. FML
carobee tells us more.
carobee 3
Hi, OP here! I had an accident, and therefore could not choose the date of the surgery. My face was severely smashed up, my nose broken and my jaw wired shut. It was a summer class and I missed the first 3 days, so by the time I was well enough to go they were already testing. The class was a pre-req I needed for my next year of class, my senior year. I didn't want to graduate late from college, as I am a pre med student and want to take the mcat next summer. I was not seriously worried about making friends, it was just funny to get so many strange looks. Anyway thanks for all the sweet comments, I'm doing much better now and look back to normal!!
Today, I was in my backyard. When I wanted to come back in the house, I tried to open the sliding door. I knew that my brother locked me out so I banged on the door very hard, causing the glass to break. It turns out that the door wasn't locked. FML
Today, I was at an awards dinner. I whispered into my wife's ear that she looked really pretty. She whispered in my ear that I should stop clapping so loud, because I was embarrassing her. FML
Today, my neighbor came up to me, lowered her voice and said, "I suggest you buy some drapes for your bedroom dear..." When she started to walk away, she added, "...and a gym membership." FML
Today, I had to endure a long face-to-face conversation with a coworker who had fierce BO. He had his fingers interlaced around the back of his head the whole time. FML
Today, I had to sit between my parents in the car as they argued with one another for a whole hour over whether or not a thumb is a finger. FML
Today, my dad woke me up at 5am saying that there was dog shit on the carpet. I thought it was just a clever ruse to get me into the living room for a birthday surprise. It wasn't. There really was dog shit that I had to clean up, with no "Happy birthday"s even uttered. FML
Today, I was telling my friend how lonely I am on Skype. He responded by deleting me as a friend. FML
Today, I told my therapist that I suspected my partner was unfaithful, but I don't think he believed me. "What, did you find a membership card to a sex club in his wallet or something?" he asked. When I got home, I looked in my partner's wallet. I found a membership card to a sex club. FML
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