Today, I was awoken by my dad yelling into my ear. In shock, I jumped up off the couch, and came smashing down into the coffee table. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML
Today, while relaxing in the kitchen drinking coffee, my dad suddenly rushed in, knocking me over and causing me to spill boiling hot coffee all over myself. Then, my dad thought it would be a good idea to grab the sprayer from the sink and douse me with cold water in order to "put me out." FML
Today, I accidentally slammed my leg against the coffee table. It was only after I went to the bathroom a few minutes later that I realized there's now a massive gash on my upper leg. I also got in trouble for yelling, "SON OF A BITCH!" as soon as the impact occurred. FML
Today, while moving a couch and repeatedly asking my dad what he was trying to do and him ignoring me, I got my hand slammed between the corner of the couch and a doorway, because my dad shoved the couch without saying anything. I was holding the corner to stop it from falling on me. FML
Today, I was walking into my living room when I slipped over the carpet, bashed my head on my glass table, and was moaning in pain on the floor. My parents came running when they heard my head bang… straight to the table, to see if there were any scratches on it. FML
Today, I blacked out while hugging my dad. I woke up a minute later on the floor with my dad telling me to, "quit being lazy and get up." FML
Today, my dad came home and wanted to grab a glass. It wasn't in direct sight so he slammed the cupboard door so hard, I peed my pants. FML
Today, while I was sleeping on the sofa, my sister yelled right in my ear, "Attention on deck !" I jumped up so fast because I thought a superior officer had just walked in that I tripped over my own feet and smashed into our mom's glass fronted display case full of porcelain. FML
Today, I woke up and heard a noise coming from the kitchen. I went down stairs and saw a huge guy in there. I got a vase and hit him over the head, not realizing it was my mom's new boyfriend. FML
Today, I tried to hang up a light and, in my clumsiness, got shocked. My dad started screaming at me for yelling out. FML
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Top comments
HowDidIGetHere 0
Time to get a new dad...
you_failed 15
Ouchies! But now you know what to do when he's taking a nap... :D
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Comments (89)
HowDidIGetHere 0
Time to get a new dad...
MissBunny25 0
been there, bro. the coffee table was glass, though.. and I wasn't asleep, I was eating macaroni.
tulsafml 0
that works.
SirEBC 7
And a new coffee table.. Sorry, I had to say something relevant to your comment so that I could tell you that Brokencyde is ******* awesome.
db_rainblow 0
brokencyde= shit. The only thing they're good for is working for poison control to induce vomiting.
rebekahah 7
just go pick one up at Dads R Us. :)
Ihatethesenames 0
I agree with db rainbow they suck ass
Avenged7Gabe 0
GOD I HATE BROKENCYDE SO MUCH, how can someone like that shit
juic3_tin 0
just the image of this made me crack up haha... fyl and ydi
MissBunny25 0
I've done this before... except I broke a glass one. and I wasn't asleep, I was boiling macaroni.
testthecoal 5
what's with you and macaroni?
ILoveEggnog 7
Msbunny, have you ever tried putting bacon in it?
HowDidIGetHere 0
bc13 is awesome. but seriously is her dad abusive or something ? he screamed in her goddamn ear.
HowDidIGetHere 0
25 hell yeah!
lsswimmer 1
dad apopo
lsswimmer 1
dad apopo
OMG_N3RD 0
I agree 35
dragon0000 7
LMFAO
TwatRot69 0
MissBunny. The macaroni thing was funny the first time, but now it's just old... Make a new joke or something, you don't need to bring it up in every FML. We get it, you love macaroni... Move on.
MissBunny25 0
TwatRot69 **** you. I'll move on when I'm damn well good and ready to. have fun in your mother's basement masturbating and eating cat shit. Love, MissBunny25
TwatRot69 0
Onomonom. Cat shit's my favorite.
MissBunny25 0
goldfish :D
LikDezNutz 0
Not sure about this whole macaroni thing so someone wanna explain that? xP (new member)
tulsafml 0
macaroni is the greatest. don't make me shit on yo face whoever messed with ms bunny
KW28 5
this is also a situation
Agiggleaday 0
Do the same to him
Snipedog42 0
were you drunk
KiddNYC1O 22
Chances are he was. He was sleeping on the couch on a Sunday. Must have been a great Saturday!
you_failed 15
Ouchies! But now you know what to do when he's taking a nap... :D
tulsafml 0
rape?
thatguy205 4
Just because you hump legs all day long doesn't mean everyone else does. It doesn't solve all problems. Silly puppy.
DaJavelin 0
WIN ^^
tulsafml 0
humping legs solves all of my damn problems all the damn time. bitch.
thatguy205 4
So help me God I will get the vacuum if you don't SETTLE THE **** DOWN!
T3P33_fml 0
vacuum are for cats. or puppy small enough to get sucked into the tube.
ipwnlosers 4
No, both dogs and cats are afraid of vacuum cleaners.
jess6blondie9 3
No... Dogs and cats aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners at all. You must have some bazaar animals.
safarigirl 2
bazaar?
Nimmrodel 11
Time to get a new coffee table. :p
flashback.miss 28
ow...
josebeto1 6
You must've gotten some pretty nice air
denvan 0
Get a buzzer next time wake up your dad like that
josebeto1 6
You must've gotten some pretty nice air
DillonUSMC 0
this sounds like a job for icewater and air horns
KJLD5 0
sounds like a job to PUT A FRIGGEN SHIRT ON, dude. grow a pair. ur killin me. want my shirt? might be a lil wide though