Today, a little boy called me, crying that "Grandma died" in a broken voice. I just didn't have the heart to say, "Wrong number." FML
Today, I was downtown with my boyfriend around Noon when we walked past a few guys who shouted out to me "You're the most beautiful girl we've seen all day". My boyfriend's response was "It's still early." FML
Today, before leaving my house, I OCD-checked all of my doors 16 times to make sure that they were locked. When I got home, my house had been broken into. Turns out I accidentally unlocked my front door when trying to lock it for the last time. This is why I have OCD. FML
Today, my landlord decided to have people visit my apartment since I'm moving out next month. She had warned me about potential visitors this week but didn't specify when. I work the graveyard shift and apparently the fact that I was sleeping in my room during the visit didn't bother her at all. FML
mightymart tells us more.
I would have stayed awake if she would have called before, not like it happens often
Today, I felt fairly depressed about being single for the holidays during work. This cute girl came to my register asking about our sales ad. After telling her we had no copies, she asked for my number. I shouted: "Finally, someone wants to go out with me." She wanted the store's number to call. FML
Today, I found out where the mysterious bites on my back keep coming from. It's not every day you find an earwig in your loofah. FML
Today, I was studying for a midterm, so I put my computer on the side of my desk to make more room for my books. My roommate came in while I wasn't paying attention and tackle-hugged me from behind - I fell over, knocking my computer out the window. I live on the 8th floor. FML
Today, my fiancée broke up with me because of an argument about a printer. FML
Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML
Today, I woke up late for a job interview. I hadn't shaved in six days, but figuring I could do so en route, I grabbed my electric razor and ran for the bus. While shaving, the razor's battery died midway through, leaving me to attend the job interview with a Miami Vice scruff on half my face. FML
Today, I got pulled by a cop because I forgot to put my registration sticker on. I get nervous around authority and have nervous shakes. I ripped the registration sticker 3 times trying to put it on. The cop then gave me a ticket for "Improper Equipment". FML
Today, I walked home from a guy's dorm early in the morning, still wearing my dress and heels from the night before. I walked by a mother and her little daughter, who said "Mommy, why is she so dressed up so early in the morning?" and the mom replied "Because honey, she makes bad decisions." FML
Today, while driving to work in heavy traffic, I got so into the song I was listening to that I tapped my foot on the gas to the beat. I rear-ended the car in front of me. FML
Today, I had to get stitches in my vagina due to an unfortunate mishap while climbing a fence. FML
Today, I was on a city bus, and there was a woman and her child sitting behind me. I began to feel tugging on my jacket so I leaned forward, assuming the child was pulling on it. I sat back and felt the tugging again. After a couple of minutes, I heard the mother say, "Stop chewing on that!" FML
Today, my husband lost his keys again. It's a daily struggle to find them. This time they were in an ice cube, literally. He said he must have accidentally put them in there when making ice. He's going to be the father of my future children. FML
Today, at a paintball match, my boyfriend shot me between the legs and asked, "Still want kids now?" FML
Today, I was driving with my parents while explaining that young people like myself are better drivers because we have better reflexes. My explanation was suddenly interrupted with the sound of me crashing the car against a parked car. FML
Today, in a desperate attempt to get fired, I sent a sexual love letter to my boss. We're going on our first date tomorrow. FML
Today, I woke up when the guy I had spent the night with slid out of bed. When he realized I was awake, he looked down at me, shook his head, and said "I've gotta lay off the beer..." FML
Today, my husband informed me that he recently slept with a secretary of his to become better at sex for me. I don't know what's worse, the fact that he cheated on me or that he seriously believes that he has a reasonable excuse. FML
Today, I was mugged on my way to the bus stop. With no money or mobile, I started to panic about the exam I had, and ran the 3.5 miles to get to there. When I staggered up to the building only 20 minutes after the exam started, the university staff wouldn't let me sit it as I couldn't prove my identity. FML
Today, I was taking calls at the helpdesk I work at. The caller was a man, and while helping him with his issue he suddenly stopped to tell me I had a nice soothing voice. Then he told me to say something else. As I continued to help him, he started making moaning noises. I'm a guy. FML
Today, I went to the store to buy some new shirts. I tried them on and none of them fit. When I walked out to return the shirts, everybody was staring at me. I looked down to see why. I'd forgotten to put my original shirt back on. FML
Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. Unfortunately, she started fake-moaning like a pornstar before I even entered her, totally killing the mood and my boner. She swore she hadn't moaned, accused me of not finding her attractive enough, and angrily left. FML
Today, my in-laws decided they were going to stay an extra week during our vacation to Dominican Republic next year. This would be fine, if we weren't travelling for our destination wedding, and the extra week wasn't our honeymoon. They are literally joining us on our honeymoon. FML
Today, for breakfast, there were scrambled eggs, boiled eggs, bacon, sausages, fresh bread, croissants, brownies, donuts, fruit smoothie, coffee, tea and orange juice. Too bad no one bothered wake me up. FML
Today, I received two withdrawal grades in school for dropping the classes due to a kidney infection that kept me in the hospital. I wrote a petition to the dean asking to remove the grades. He replied to send a doctor's note. I did so, and he then said that I was faking and the note was forged. FML
Today, while at my shitty, minimum wage job at McDonalds, a guy walked out of the bathroom. He said "Good luck in there." worriedly, then left. I don't know if it was his handiwork, but it looked like a shit grenade had detonated. It was even on the walls. FML
Today, my mother told me she forgot what a verb is. I'm homeschooled, and she's my teacher. FML
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