Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. Unfortunately, she started fake-moaning like a pornstar before I even entered her, totally killing the mood and my boner. She swore she hadn't moaned, accused me of not finding her attractive enough, and angrily left. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, as I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, she started doing stupidly fake moaning, which then went really high-pitched like a little girl's, killing my hard-on. She says she thought that because I'm Japanese-American, I'd only be able to come if she copied "those Japanese pornstars". FML
Today, while going down on my girlfriend, she stopped moaning and told me to stop because she couldn't fake it anymore. FML
Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered, "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML
Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Its was pretty good and heavy and she was moaning nicely. Then her moans got softer and softer and then nothing. She fell asleep. FML
Today, I lost my virginity. In the middle of it, he just gave up and said he wasn't in the mood anymore. Then I had to listen about his past failed relationships for over an hour. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Today, as my girlfriend and I were making love, and she started to moan and groan. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "I'm lying, you suck at this." FML
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Top comments
alex_622 22
Sorry OP. Maybe she wasn't worth it then
RedCityScapes 5
She denied moaning? You both have ears- that was a dumb excuse. She may have been embarrassed, but that was an overreaction on her part.
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Comments (107)
Liamj774 36
That must have been hard to take
xxrogerthatxx 19
Sorry, don't think about it too much. There's always another time, maybe another female.
urdirtyolduncle 15
Just another episode of 'Angry House Wives'
adoseofmicki 12
Wow a whole section of down votes. Pathetic.
erjgyflover 18
And you're one of them 99
alex_622 22
Sorry OP. Maybe she wasn't worth it then
tazmanmike2013 17
I agree with you and don't know why you're being down voted.
alex_622 22
Thank you!
littleteapot 21
Maybe she had only watched **** and thought that was what its supposed to be like because the girls in **** pretty much moan when the guy blinks his eyes. Also, she could have been embarrassed by killing a boner during her (possibly) 1st sexual experience and reacted the wrong way.
granCanyon 12
Maybe she was so excited that she didn't even pay attention to the noises she was making. Then OP scared her for life and now everytime she'll be having sex she'll be trying to avoid making any noises. Good job OP you probably traumatized your girlfriend.
colton_colton 50
So are you two still virgins or..?
peacheso 31
Read the post again. #3
colton_colton 50
I just love misreading things #9 :D
michiganfool32 9
He was asking if she is too?
drunkmunkey 24
the anticipation plays tricks on your mind... maybe she's a faker too and hated getting called on it. fyl OP, it'll happen for ya
Captain_Screech 13
I couldn't enjoy that, I wouldn't have even tried to continue. I probably would have gotten dressed and left, even if it was my house.
cjwayy 22
I agree
oreoeater 21
#54 how do you agree? He was talking about the fake moaning from the girl, unless of course you're a lesbian If so then just ignore me
mountainmanmike 11
She might just be agreeing that it's stupid for a girl to fake it. I know I can agree with that.
Corvo_Attano_4 12
I think you both overreacted. It's ok for a girl to moan ahead of time but I don't think she should have left over your comment.
Phoebe18 14
Moan about what? If he's not doing anything and she starts moaning I can understand why it would be a complete turn off. Not only that but she could be a faker if she's moaning before anythings even started
iSpasticFantasti 14
Since when is a woman's pleasure directly connected to the guys penis? The mind is a powerful thing and women have wet dreams and fantasies just like men. As someone who genuinely makes a lot of noise in bed this pisses me off, sometimes moans come out simply because you're looking at them, appreciating their body and the way they're touching you or looking at you and you just moan out of excitement. Sure maybe she was faking, but just a little insight into a different kind of sexual response for those who can't see this being a normal thing.
negb 30
Thanks 47! I agree!
squideth 18
Thank you 47. This is exactly why I voted YDI. I mean, it's one thing to lose your boner, but he put this girl on the spot, possibly embarrassed her, and is surprised she left? Heaven forbid a woman is vocal without your dick in her.
emilyjgraham 34
#63, I'd imagine some sort of small moan that slips the lips would have been fine for OP but they described it as pornstar moaning which everyone knows sounds horrifically fake. Like #47 said moaning before any actual activity has happened is quite common but I'd describe it more of a "whimper" (not the crying kind, that'd be weird) or a "delicate moan" that almost accidentally comes out. Fake moans are a turn off and just sound too "staged".
gemstone586 12
We're talking about a virgin here. Would he really know if it was a real moan or fake moan?? I completely agree with #47 and I am inclined to believe OP sabotaged himself.....
oreoeater 21
#47 He said "fake moaning like a pornstar" have you ever heard a pornstar moan? I mean sure what you said is true but that would be a slight moan or something more subtle not some load moan before it even starts. My girlfriend tends to moan in anticipation but its only slightly not what OP is talking about and if you start moaning like a pornstar before he even does anything it could embarrass him as much as loosing the boner embarrassed his girl, it might make him feel obsolete, as if he's not needed and that would kill a boner
RedCityScapes 5
She denied moaning? You both have ears- that was a dumb excuse. She may have been embarrassed, but that was an overreaction on her part.
tmd4L 7
Next time you get ready to do it pretend you already came early and see how she responds.
Algorithm 24
Or she was just really turned on and actually moaning. Smooth move, costello.
AH1Zviper 15
Moaning to something not even inside of her? It's kind of hard to gain pleasure from nothing.
wolfheartmoon 12
Foreplay is enough for many people to start moaning. Maybe OPs girlfriend just got embarrassed though.
Algorithm 24
What 18 said. All the original post says is that he hadn't entered her yet, not that he was sitting there playing cards. If they were in the middle of foreplay, moaning is pretty normal.
jjones0818 12
#11 Must not be use to any foreplay. Hell if your good you should get her to the point before you put it in.
zawesomee 14
If she's a virgin too, and watched some **** beforehand, she probably just thought she was doing the right thing and was embarrassed when you called her out on it.
The_Appendix_ 13
She moaned like a PORNSTAR, which means loud as ****. I doubt you'll be screaming without anything inside.
Algorithm 24
My condolences on the amazing sex you've never had, 78.
oreoeater 21
I'm pretty sure if he was doing foreplay he wouldn't have understood the fact that she was moaning and wouldn't have posted this FML
oreoeater 21
*would've
kyuubi1 14
at least you can tell your friends that you got her to moan like a pornstar