anonamous
United States
Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
Fresno, United States
Today, I was playing with my dog, when she started sniffing my face. Jokingly, I got up and started to sniff her face back and asked "Yeah, how do you like that?" She replied by biting into my face. FML
Anonymous
This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff
Tucson, United States
Doggy dog world
Today, I was playing tug of war with my dog. She let go and I ended up punching myself in the mouth. My lip is still swollen. FML
phillyfan4life
United States
Today, I saw my dog sleeping, so I laid next to her and put her arm around my neck to be cute. Only for her to wake up and bite my nose. FML
smellsofeggs
United Kingdom
Today, I was having a playful fight with my brother. I made the point that our dog likes me better than him. To this, my dog jumped onto the sofa, turned to me and vomited on my face. FML
Addicted2FML303
United States
Today, I was on the couch, about to make out with the guy I've been dating. As soon as our lips touched, my overprotective dog ran up and bit him. He bled. FML
fmlman
Rawlins, United States
Today, while walking my dog at the park, I spotted my crush and said "Hi!" By not paying attention where I was going, I tripped and fell down. My dog started humping me. FML
Anonymous
Bedford, United States
Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML
RomanceFail
Crestwood, United States
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
thedogkisser
United States
Today, when petting my friend's dog, I acted like I was going to make out with him. While I wasn't looking the dog stuck his entire tongue in my mouth. FML
Foreigner Fail
Jackson Galaxy moment
Today, I meowed at my cat and he got really close to me. I then meowed again and he punched me in the face. Them's fightin' words, it seems. FML
Top comments
i_wuz_nver_here 31
Tough love bitch!
mpj13 8
She loves you!
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Comments (107)
i_wuz_nver_here 31
Tough love bitch!
ThisIsMyReign 4
Nothing says "I love you" like getting mauled in the face by your own dog.
i_wuz_nver_here 31
Maybe she was goin for something a little kinky...
immaMonsta 8
#22 If she's trying to be kinky with a dog, then there's something wrong with that picture.
i_wuz_nver_here 31
I was thinking more from the dogs point of view, but ok sure make it awkward.
taco_bender 12
Maybe your breath stank. He was just trying to be helpful in his own way
taco_bender 12
Maybe your breath stank. He was just trying to be helpful in his own way
i_wuz_nver_here 31
Where'd the other comments go?
YdoIhaveAchode 4
32- they went up your ass.
i_wuz_nver_here 31
Thank you I was wondering what was causing that itch
Meraklez1013 9
I knew I wasn't the only one!! :D
IAdminIFlow 0
fml admins r obv on their periods. deleting all humorous comments. they obv arent funny people
Jiplo 18
Forever not alone!
YtotsDI 0
Whenever my dog licks MY face I maul him. >.> i thought it was the norm
jonriise18 3
As opposed to mauling you across someone else's face?
UnleashedKilla1 4
Guess you could call it a love tap? Just kidding
LMA0 5
You need a comma after 'love'.
mrmakefunofu 5
FIRST!
BloodMonger13 9
I doubt she mauled you there is a difference between being mauled and bitten I've been both a bite hurts sur but If she mauled your arm( in my case ) the body part will be completly ripped open and also it's harder to heal fix it's posible that ur nerves can be ripped and ya... so my point is that she most likely didn't maul your face would be completly ripped up and you would need to get to the hispital soon
thatssomia 12
gotta love them.dogs
mpj13 8
She loves you!
IAdminIFlow 0
your dog obviously knows you are a carrier.
buck33 14
For some reason my mind skipped over the word dog and I was thinking girlfriend.
a_purple_orange 4
Mans best friend...
HeartOfLead 24
Bad breath? Clean it up with orbit!
HeartOfLead 24
*Dirty mouth?
Ressamies 6
that pretty much is why dogs are so damn adorable :D
Jiplo 18
So much for "man's best friend"
Krirn 21
And "diamonds are a girl's best friend", but since we can't tell OP's gender, we can't tell which one is relevant.
Jiplo 18
it's a saying. it doesn't mean a dog is a male human's best friend, but the best friend of the human race itself. I suggest you get some of this stuff that people call common sense.
Kayokku 1
^ I suggest you get the hell off the Internet before you infect it with your seriousness.
TexasJosh 0
80 - Who pissed in your wheaties?
zombicidal 11
sorry twas I who took a dump in his lucky charms
LouisianaBob 9
common sense is not putting your face in a dog's face.
Fyrrman 0
Only dogs would :)
Justforlolz 14
Meh, that's usually a standard response with me. Gets the point across faster and better than talking.
grahambertus 11
Try hugging a cat and see how that goes...
lizard399 0
"hey can I borrow your stapler?" Response: *mauls face*
Kayokku 1
50- I'm hugging my cat right now :) He loves meeeee
VasilisaUzhasnaj 29
Yeaaah, my cat actually pleads to be picked up. I'm sure if you tried hugging some outdoor cat (assuming you can catch them first) it wouldn't end well.
TexasJosh 0
Cats are affectionate. Outside cats not as much usually. Mine love to be picked up and held.
StoryOfTheYear 15
Looks like we have ourselves here some o' them hipster cat-huggers fresh out of college
GothicAngel17 24
Actually my cat mauls me when I DON'T hug her :')
GothicAngel17 24
And plus, I thought dogs didn't like it when you bring your face near their face?
Tswift0806 3
Actually, try hugging a bear cub when the mom is right there and see how THAT goes.
jtthegr8 26
That's why you don't kiss dogs...
DrMime 10
That was just her way of showing "affection," just make sure that when you're making love to your dog, you wearing protection.
teejayx7 0
Mmmm, good idea.
FMLsOhilarious 6
Sounds like your dog is showing you some tough love.
HollyoaksFan93 9
Says the top comment...
MikeDa1Da 14
What a bitch
TheZee 12
Bitch: A female dog, wolf, fox, or otter. Why of course, it is a female dog (therefore, a bitch), what's your point?
a_purple_orange 4
Your specialty!
GothicAngel17 24
115 - I believe that was the intended pun that 10 was making...
MrBobby_fml 7
Tis an animal, so not very surprising?
domking1315 20
Tis an idiot commenting. Not very suprising.
Branflakes78 13
Tis? wow new word I missed out on in school! what school you go to?
Shootermtd25 7
I'm pretty sure Tis is like an old phrase
chilla4m3 6
It's an old phrase. Think back to Shakespeare.
AcidRaen 4
Its like 'twas. Which stands for it was. 'tis stands for it is. Like a backward contraction i guess? Idk what its called if it has a name.
kittenvks 11
I read this comment in a cruella deVille type voice
emmanizzer 6
I read it in a Morrigan voice....
GothicAngel17 24
Uhh 113, you're an idiot. It is a word, it's just not used often these days.
desireev 18
'Tis' stands for 'it is'. 'Twas' stands for 'it was'. Simple as that.
thisbitchlys 0
maul her back.
LMA0 5
You forgot to capitalize the 'm' in 'maul'.