Today, my fiancée told me she can't marry me. Our wedding day is tomorrow and around 20 of our 180 guests attending have travelled half way around the world just for the occasion. FML
Today, I was woken up by my family surrounding me with breakfast in bed and "Sweet 16" balloons. My birthday is in 3 months, and I'll be 17. FML
Today, my wife confused terminology from my religion with stuff from Harry Potter. FML
Today, I was using the bathroom and checking Facebook on my phone. As I'm checking my newsfeed, I noticed a new photo upload by my brother. I guess I forgot to properly shut the door to the bathroom, because it's me on the toilet. FML
Today, my dad looked me dead in the eyes and told me that if I wanted to join the Lingerie Football League, I would have his approval. His drunken friends nodded in agreement. FML
Today, I am not allowed to have any of my candy because of my sister's weight problem. FML
looloogirl tells us more.
FROM THE OP: yes, i have way more problems than this candy incident, but ironically its the only one that ever got posted. go figure. for the record, i am not fat myself. i am 5 ft 1 and weigh 95 lbs. k? My mother threw away the candy, so i cannot eat it. its not possible for me to do now, its in the dump. and for all of you assholes that say "omg this site sucks because of posts like this", go to a different site. nobody is forcing you to come here.
Today, I found out my best friend was having a birthday party and I wasn't invited, so I asked her why. She replied, "What birthday party?" It was a surprise birthday party. FML
Today, I woke up to the news that my mom's in jail. FML
Today, I watched "Rain Man" with my family. The whole time they kept exclaiming, "Omigod! That's just like Kate!" FML
Today, my husband told me he's just "not interested" in having sex anymore. FML
brerj09 tells us more.
brerj09 13
Ok so I feel like I need to clarify a few things. I'm 21 and my husband is 27. We have been married less than a year. He has gone to the doctor about this before. His testosterone levels are within the normal range but just barely. He doesn't have ED. And it's not that I'm bad in bed... He has a very low sex drive. I have a normal sex drive. If he had his way we'd have sex like once a month. I'm not happy with that. Things were getting better but then he dropped this bomb on me last night. He isn't interesting in having sex and he's doesn't want to do anything to change that. And I'm abnormal because I want to have sex. We are going to be seeing a marriage counselor....
Today, I went to the ER for extremely heavy bleeding related to my IUD birth control. They decided the best thing to do was remove it. An exam, two ultrasounds, and three x-rays later, the doctor comes back to tell me what's going on. Yeah, they can't find it. FML
deku tells us more.
deku 10
Hey guys, OP here! First, #14 you made me snort laughing!!! So more information, I know from an ultrasound done a few days before this that my body was trying to expell the iud. The on-call doc I talked to didn't like the amount I was suddenly bleeding and told me to go to the ER where they would most likely remove it. So yeah, I was pretty shocked when the ER doc said it wasn't there! They are certain that it's no longer in my body though and believe it came out during one of my bathroom visits the night before. And that actually makes sense to me because that's when the bleeding began and it's the only time I wouldn't have seen it. I'm doing a bit better, though I don't know what I'll do from here on out as I can't use hormonal birth control. ?
Today, I witnessed two women in a catfight, ripping clothes off each other. This would have been great if the two women weren't my mom and my grandma. FML
Today, me and my girls went to get revenge on a girl who slept with my boyfriend by egging her house. Her house was too far away so we decided to get her truck. We wasted a carton of eggs on her driveway because we all have terrible aim and look incredibly stupid for missing so bad. FML
Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML
Today, after having taken hormone tablets to try to increase my cup size, I realized that I've basically reversed my menopause. FML
Today, I was on a date with this girl I actually like. The date was going really well and it seemed like it would be a good night. While in the movie theater, I went to hold her hand and instead she gave me a hand shake and said, "You're so funny, I'm so glad we're friends". FML
Today, my 17 pound cat fell from a counter. It wouldn't have been a big deal if he didn't try to use my leg as a tree to cling onto on the way down. FML
Today, I stubbed the same toe three times in fifteen minutes. How? My sister moved most of the furniture in the house to the left by a few inches, because she thought it would be funny to watch me get confused and suffer. FML
Today, after winning a major photography competition with the prize of an expensive workshop with a top photographer, I learned that my crazy stalker has paid the £250 workshop costs, and will travel 5 hours just to be there with me. FML
Today, I saw my friends talking about plans for later during lunch. I walked over and asked for the plan. My best friend of 12 years gently took me aside, and said "You know that person in each group of friends that is only around to be made fun of? That's you." I just got dumped by my friends. FML
Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML
Today, my husband came too soon during sex. He then tried to pretend it didn't happen and continued. He humped me with a half-erect noodle for about seven minutes before I finally called him out. FML
Today, a completely drunk girl walked across the bar and punched me in the face because I was wearing the same dress as her, and her boyfriend had said it looked better on me. While I was screaming at her for being a stupid bitch, she puked all over me, wiped her mouth, and laughed before she passed out. FML
Today, I was walking through the mall with my husband. We came across a guy who was selling some weight loss pills. He tried to sell me some and I kindly declined. He told me not to deny my weight problems. Thanks. I'm 7 months pregnant. FML
Today, at work, a man bought a lot of really expensive stuff. He paid the large bill with cash, and the manager helped me count the money. When we were done, he handed me a $100 bill to thank me for all the help. We can't accept tips. The manager was next to me. I had to say no. FML
Today, the sweetest thing my boyfriend ever told me was that I'd make a good porn star. FML
Today, my five-year-old daughters realized that if one of them rang the doorbell, it would keep me distracted long enough for the other one to steal cookies from the kitchen. FML
Today, I went to dinner with an amazing guy. At the end he said he had to go to the washroom. 15 min later he was still MIA, so I figured he'd ditched me with the bill. I paid and left. 10 min later he texted me, asking where I was. Turns out he hadn't ditched me. He was having "stomach issues." FML
Today, while riding the bus, a creepy guy gave me the "rape glare" and another guy repeated every word to the conversation I was having with my friend under his breath. FML
Today, after a weekend of helping my sister-in-law move out of our house, vacuuming and mopping her bedroom and bathroom for her, scrubbing her walls and cleaning her shower, transporting her furniture, and getting her carpet professionally cleaned, to cover costs she offered me $14. FML
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