Today, I stubbed the same toe three times in fifteen minutes. How? My sister moved most of the furniture in the house to the left by a few inches, because she thought it would be funny to watch me get confused and suffer. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up really out of it, and as I was walking into the kitchen, I stubbed my toe on a tile. I sat down, then got up and stubbed the same toe against the table, went over to the kitchen and stubbed the same toe on the same tile again. FML
Today, my husband moved all the furniture a few inches to the left because he saw online that it makes moving around the house really difficult, and he wanted to test it out. Unfortunately, the one who tested it out was me; I got home, went to sit down, and broke 2 toes on the coffee table. FML
Today, as I got up from the couch, my computer, which was next to me, fell on to my pinky toe. It fell just so that the edge of it cut my toe open. I cursed, and hobbled toward the bathroom to get a bandage. As I'm going into the bathroom, I stub said toe on the door jamb. FML
Today, I tried to get a piece of glass out of my big toe. After an hour of poking and prodding, I finally got it out only for it to fall on the floor where I couldn't find it. Not five minutes later, I stepped on it again. FML
Today, I went to shut the door and ended up banging my toe on my guitar stand; then, as I was getting a snack out of a closet, I banged my toe again on the drawer and now I can't walk. FML
Today, I hit my toe against a table. Out of frustration, I kicked the table and broke my little toe. FML
Today, while demonstrating to my wife how I broke my big toe, I broke the little toe on the opposite foot. FML
Today, I tried to sneak into the kitchen for a midnight snack. I stubbed my toe so hard on a stool leg, I yelped then tried to keep as quiet as possible. My mom came running, thinking our cat and dog were fighting and hissing again. I hobbled back to bed, only to realize I didn't actually get any food. FML
Today, I broke my toe. After telling my friend about it, he promptly stomped on it to "see what my reaction would be." FML
Today, the neighbors heard a blood curdling scream and called the cops, thinking I was being murdered. Nope. I just stubbed my toe. FML
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Top comments
1dvs_bstd 41
It's simple, we kill the bitch.
rocker_chick105 31
Your sister is an evil genius
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Comments (147)
1dvs_bstd 41
It's simple, we kill the bitch.
papashaan 19
KILL THE BITCH?!? WTF
EXOPH 8
Why would you need to kill someone for doing some stupid prank?
Welshite 40
It was a joke based on his profile picture. Obviously...
SmoothPancakes 10
Obviously some of the people replying missed the dripping sarcasm in that comment.
1dvs_bstd 41
#18 If they don't understand your comment, they can't just move on, it's a mandatory automatic thumbs down. And they want everything to be in FML's comment pattern. I think they expected a "your sister is a jerk" comment. #22 I think a font for sarcasm needs to be invented.
incoherentrmblr 22
...and the bitch, is Batgirl...
nyahz1 7
Im thinking italics might work
ironichalibut 24
There's such thing as a "Sarcmark" which is recognized as the punctuation mark for sarcasm, though it's not widely used due to a copyright. I think either italics or putting one of these; "~", at the end of sarcasm, is the best bet to end internet miscommunication.
meatyowllegs 11
My personal preference is (sarcasm) insert sarcastic words (/sarcasm). Even the most dense of people will understand that...
Vanshikap 24
your profile picture is incredibly appropriate...and slightly scary.
Khali_May 10
I thought it was an 'Orange is the New Black' reference
HanBroman 20
Guys the first comment WASNT SARCASM no one on fml understands what the word sarcasm means and it's actually driving me insane. what he said was a joke. sarcasm is where you mean the opposite of what you say in a condescending manner. seriously everyone needs to stop throwing the word around like pretentious douchebags. sorry.
HanBroman 20
eg: sarcasm would be something like "what a lovely human being" or "she must be fun to live with"
HanBroman 20
All of you look like complete morons, acting like you're any smarter than the trolls who fuel your rage.
ironichalibut 24
I hope you someday realize the fallacy of what you've said here. At least you didn't use ""literally" insane", but still.. I'm almost willing to say that your last comment was ironic too, as long as you haven't realized the ridiculousness of it, it may well be.
HanBroman 20
Ok I get I sounded pretty pretentious.. i take that back. but why is no one else annoyed by this? and how come my second comment was down voted? (like, just out of curiosity)... how come it's not ok to make grammatical and spelling errors yet half of fml users are using the word "sarcasm" in the wrong context when trying to act like a smartass and then they get up voted, when they look like a serious dumbass. is there actually no one else who is annoyed by that? I'm genuinely confused. or does the US have a different definition for "sarcasm"?
HanBroman 20
hold on... do you think I'm wrong? its definitely not sarcasm. it's exaggeration. There's a really big difference. There isn't even a hint of irony in his comment? A friend of mine once said the difference between American humour and Australian (or british) humour is that Americans don't understand sarcasm. We think sarcasm and dark irony are funny and Americans think exaggeration is funny. And each to their own, of course. I can't believe how right she was though.
ShadowlessSpear 21
Take a pill dude. Calm. Down.
rocker_chick105 31
Your sister is an evil genius
aleahlioness 15
I'm surprised OP didn't take more care at least after the second toe stubbing, though..
SkyGuy32 17
It's from a tumblr post. She wouldn't need to be a genius, she just would've needed to see the tumblr post in which someone did the same thing when his or her parents were out of town and the parents couldn't figure out what they did.
HanBroman 20
Is he blind?
MzZombicidal 36
#77 it was a few inches. You don't really notice that unless you're super anal about where all of your stuff and furniture is. Even then, if everything's moved by that much, it could look pretty normal.
hystericsky 11
I was going to mention that but I guess you beat me to it!
Marlee141717 9
That is a great idea... Hope your toe is okay!
corruption44 4
I live in a house of Lego always watch your footing. unless its dark.
cyttex 13
Oh sibling pranks, it's been a lot quieter around my house since my sister went to college
I_cant_think 10
I thought for a second you were going to say when she died.
icnburbbygrl 23
"I call it 'two inches to the left'" hahaha
Miss_Whipped 43
**** YES. Was looking for this comment. Now let's get thumbed down by the people who didn't watch enough of That '70s Show. *high fives #6*
icnburbbygrl 23
#45 Hahah I was very surprised no one had said this yet!! We rule!
thehouseisonfire 8
She's a real back stubber
Rallred32 20
*slow clap*
alaen23 23
Well I guess she is a *puts on sun glasses* *says in anti joke voice* the devil *runs away because joke makes no sense and becomes potatoe*
arrow007archer 19
that doesn't even make sense
fakedsincerity 32
you tried too hard
mt631 18
Don't cross the memes.
Miss_Whipped 43
*ignores the lame joke* You misspelled potato.
GenH2105 14
#8...what.
WMFG16 14
much funny way hilarious much applause
GraceyBlueEyes 13
she is a the devil? alright..
cosmicriver 17
That makes complete sense to me. I am not being sarcastic. Good one, my friend.
threer 30
.. Omg so quirky lolz!!! /s .-.
katieemerr 15
Not an evil step sister by any chance?
robotiick7 23
I wonder if his sisters name is Megan
shudson186 17
Anytime I hear the name Megan I have to stop myself from telling them to shut up. Thanks family guy.
drewTheMan 8
wrong Megan, wrong show
Fiorella1 19
I think he means another show.
slyde32 12
there is no Megan in family guy, meg's full name is megatron
explosivepeach 13
I'm pretty sure you could still successfully walk if the furniture was moved a couple inches
Pesticides 19
well, if you're used to gliding by every piece of furniture in the house, you don't really account for tiny changes and end up bumping into stuff.
RedPillSucks 33
Sorry, I'm with #11 here. I don't see how a couple of inches would make a difference unless you're blind and are expecting everything to be just so. It's not hard to see where the furniture is and not bump into it.
Phoebe18 14
If you've lived in a house with the furniture in a certain position for a long time your mind automatically clicks to where the items are positioned. A few inches can make a lot of difference when trying to walk around and avoid bumping into objects, especially at night time. If your brain has learnt where objects are in the house and you can walk around and avoid them at night due to memory of where the item is and it's moved a few inches it can cause problems. It's happened to me in the past. If the items were moved to a completely new place where it's very very obvious to OP that they have been moved, that's a different story but they've only been moved a few inches. You'll understand when it happens to you
ironichalibut 24
Yeah, siding with 11 too. Unless you're blind this shouldn't have caused a problem. After the first time I stub my toe, I start to watch out. Even before that point, don't you know to watch where you're walking? This plan should only have worked at night. This one could be a YDI in my book.
Brandi_Faith 34
I agree with 11 and 68, unless OP is blind or is in the dark there should be no reason to keep hitting the furniture. You still see the furniture and move around it. I think it's a YDI
ironichalibut 24
You down voters are so rude! I'm going to come to all your houses and move your furniture slightly to the right! None of you seem to understand to look where you walk, so it should be a highly effective plot.
grossn 12
100% with #11 here. If the furniture was all moved to the left then you would be fine. If you're sitting on the couch (which has been moved) and you stand up, you're already 3 inches to the left so it won't make a difference.
crandel 11
Totally agree with #11. If you can see, then this is entirely your own fault. Whose furniture is in the exact same place constantly anyway? Surely at least things like chairs move slightly (unless they're bolted to the floor), and I presume you don't walk into them everyday