Today, my roommate brought a kitten to the apartment. I hate cats, and probably sensing this, the thing clawed me right in the crotch. I of course am not going to say a thing because I happen to be in love with my roommate, but she has no clue how much I hate this thing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my extremely affectionate and docile cat, whom I love like a child and has never drawn blood, scratched my roommate of one day in the face while I was at work. She claims he just went ballistic, and I don't believe she's telling me everything. What the hell did she do to my cat? It's gonna be a long lease. FML
Today, I got a cat so I'd have some company, since my roommate is always with her boyfriend. Too bad the cat likes her more. So now I get to sit and listen to her talk to her boyfriend to get to cuddle with my kitty. FML
Today, since getting the new kitten that only I wanted, it has scratched me and peed on my socks, my side of the bed and my laptop. It loves my husband though, who was against getting a cat at all. FML
Today, I found out my cat and my roommate's dog are apparently lesbians who are into what is basically bestiality to us humans. Despite both being female (and fixed), his dog tried to hump my cat, and my cat didn't resist at all. Trying to get his dog off my cat took way more effort than it should have. FML
Today, to celebrate moving into a new apartment, my girlfriend decided she would get a kitten. She didn't know I'm allergic to cats. When I told her, she decided that she couldn't date someone who couldn't be around her cat; the one she doesn't have yet. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML
Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML
Today, my roommates adopted two kittens without consulting me. We're not allowed to have pets in our apartment and I'm severely allergic to cats. Oh well, it's not like I needed to be able to breathe this summer. FML
Today, I learned I'm allergic to the 5-month-old kitten we got 3 days ago. It loves me, follows me everywhere and sleeps on my lap in the evenings. FML
Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML
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Top comments
Seddah 3
You need to grow some balls, mate.
ActionManly 11
Pussywhipped!
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Comments (148)
Seddah 3
You need to grow some balls, mate.
Reyo 2
^^ This. What's she going to do? Is she going to castrate you and sell your dried manparts on e-bay for not liking cats? I'm guessing that's a worst case scenario bro.
Rickymonkeypants 0
or he can man up and say "look here bitch, get that ******* pussy outa here and bring that ******* pussy to my room and then take that naked pussy and make me a samich!"
Nzmonk3y 0
he cant, the cat clawed it off lol
katsuku 5
The easiest solution would be to tell her you're allergic to pets and that you don't want to spend the rest of your life taking allergy medicine just so you can comfortably live in your own house.
ohSNAPyall 27
No, the easiest solution is masturbation.
Horney4her69 0
he's got balls, remember they got scratched. :p but just leave the door open by mistake, or get that cat declawed at least so you don't get clawed again.
brianred5 0
I completely agree with one and ydi for not liking cats
mudkipz95 0
I think it's nice of him not to say anything lol..
MetroidSlayer01 8
wait, since when are girls and boys ever allowed to room with eachother?
jessicams 0
59 what are you talking about? roommate can mean someone who rent an apartment with- not just dorm room.
scarsnstars45 0
^ true that getting clawed in the crotch couldnt have hurt that bad, OP obviously has no balls. maybe he should work on not being such a tool and man up. then he'll be hungry and she can make him a sammich and they'll all live happily ever after.
mfmylifesrsly 30
59 fails
Mookdaruch 0
the easiest solution is not to reply to the number 1 comment
giannee 0
haha, sure.
xHockeyStarx 0
Cool Story Bro
danyfuckinheatle 0
be a mAn.
EmmyRahh 5
accidents chuck it out the window.. oops
ettubrute 0
How does it make him an idiot for not liking cats?
SailorSolaris 43
@ #50 Some people just don't like cats. He doesn't deserve to get clawed in the balls for it, ass.
ActionManly 11
Pussywhipped!
trizzieb 0
Only in South Dakota.
nick4444 0
Nut up or shut up. Good advice for anyone to follow. May be difficult with claw marks.
xHabsfanx 0
lol agreed ^^
ActionManly 11
Rule #2 - Double Tap!
ilovebradiew 0
:D
mirrah_fml 1
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
How can anybody hate cats?? :D
GeorgeBoosh 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I love cats too! In tomato ketchup especially
ohSNAPyall 27
catsup? ;)
cruzersgirl2213 0
Especially when they're kittens! They're beyond adorable!
11colio11 4
I'm a dog person myself, but I like kittens. My last cat was evil so it kind of ruined my cat experience
PaisleyKing90 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
ummmm no cats are flat out disgusting lazy animals...
lettertjes 0
She didn't even bother to aks if you wanted a cat before she brought one into your house? How selfish. You could have been deathly allergic for all she knows.
schwinn11 0
Oh, you could be allergic, Who Cares! This guy's just play'n the game to get in this girls pants, you have a great chance cause she's your roomate. But don't mess around or she'll always think of you as just "her roomate"!
TheTruth1428 0
^^ This. Side note, you're not in love, you're just infatuated. If you haven't even dated her, it isn't love. Quit being a bitch and tell her how you feel or get the hell over yourself.
wienerwagon 0
"I'm in high school and think I can objectively define love based on my limited experience with girls!" You're the one who needs to get over yourself, man.
Shokz992 0
I'm with 75 here; 61 you're a moron - of COURSE you can fall in love with someone before you start dating them, that was the whole reason me and my last girlfriend started going out in the first place :/
Radi0activ3 15
You can absolutely be in love without dating someone... Now being in love without fully knowing someone is another thing
lickmyjock 0
You need to show that pussy who's boss and plow right through that shit.
bebz_fml 0
your disgusting
purplemnm 9
holy shitnessness is that you?
do20ss 4
glad u got a haircut.... kick her out and then tell her she can move back n if she 'gives up that pussy' literally n both meanings of that saying
Yankeepunk 0
Wait does she even know you love her? Im guessing No because you said you were in love with your roomate not girlfireind. Grow some and tell her you love her and throw the fucken cat out the window. it wil live
ljw1993 0
if that's you in ur pic... ur hawt
anna15243 6
dhow do you know that bitch? are you a car? no. or else you wouldn't be smart. oh wait! you're already an asshole! cats don't always live so **** off bitch
YouGotTold 0
you're a dumb ass, wimp, and a yellow belly...grow some nuts or you will be miserable trying to please females by not speaking your mind punk
Sindyy 0
Tell her.