Today, me and my girls went to get revenge on a girl who slept with my boyfriend by egging her house. Her house was too far away so we decided to get her truck. We wasted a carton of eggs on her driveway because we all have terrible aim and look incredibly stupid for missing so bad. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to egg my ex-boyfriend's house, after finding out he cheated on me. I covered his house and car with eggs, toilet paper, and silly string. When I went to get back in my car, my keys were locked inside, the alarm went off, and my ex walked outside, with his new girlfriend. FML
Today, while at work at my grocery store I sold a TON of eggs to a bunch of kids. We joked around that they were "going to bake a giant cake." When I got home I found out someone had egged my house. FML
Today, I egged my cheating ex’s car. Actually, I should clarify; I egged my cheating ex’s sister’s car, thinking it was his. She gave me a black eye and knocked out two of my teeth while my ex laughed his ass off. FML
Today, I fell down my stairs while holding a carton of eggs I was going to use to egg my ex-boyfriend's house. Karma's definitely a bitch to me. FML
Today, my house was pelted with rotten eggs. Apparently, my daughter and her friends are bullying a boy in her class. So, his older brother set out for revenge. According to the threatening note he left, "This is just the start if they don't leave him alone." My daughter thinks this means she should bully harder. FML
Today, my house got egged and since it is the winter the eggs froze. They used two dozen eggs. FML
Today, my dad forced me to take part in a pathetic act of revenge against our neighbors, who keep parking their 4x4 in front of our house. He made me stand watch while he kept trying to slash their tires. An hour later, we were waiting for my mom to bail us out of jail. FML
Today, I wanted to prank my girlfriend by giving her a jump scare. Right before I tried to scare her in an empty parking lot, she turned towards me, pepper-sprayed me in the eyes and kicked me in the balls. When she realized it was me, she called me an asshole and dumped on the spot and drove away. FML
Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML
Today, I snuck out to see my girlfriend in the middle of the night. When I got to her house, I decided to throw a rock at her window to wake her up. It broke a hole in the window. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
flinkpamingo 0
First, you shouldn't be mad at her. HE is the one who dogged you. Secondly, grow up, get a life and realize that anyone who makes you that angry and treats you like that isn't worth the power it takes to squish a bug. What a waste. Go find someone who acctually loves you and wants to be with you. Come on, suck it up and move on, and have a nice day. You deserve better.
Lolbrittany 0
should've egged HIS house/vehicle.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (147)
irishdubr 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
**** U! U NEVER MESS WITH PEOPLES CARS NO MATTER WHAT THEY DO! GO GET HIT BY A BUS
blueknight1st 26
FML please never let the Jackass crew moderate and pick the FML's ever again.
DrunkIrishman 0
Oh c'mon! Cut them some slack. It's their first time trying to do something like this. And, even if they don't catch on to how to pick decent FMLs, are you really going to die waiting 24hrs for them to go and FML to come back? Can't you think of something ELSE to do today instead of sitting at your computer waiting for more FMLs? God, some people... Yeah, OP, you suck. FYL for being an idiot, and FOurLs for having to put up for people like you. Go fall in a ditch and die.
FYLnowsuckmybals 0
YEAHYEAH VEMD 4LIFE I KILL DEM NIGGAS ALL DAY ERYDAY EAT DA PUSSY NIGA SCREAM MAKE IT WET YEAHHH ASS PUSSY COMBO UGHUGHGUHG YEAHHH **** YEAHH YDI DUMBSHIT NOW EAT MY DICK AND SCREAM LIKE A BITCH [VEMD4LIFE] 8===D~~~~ (|)
FYLnowsuckmybals 0
hey bros this bitch disveres it, you cant do tat to a bitch wit no ass LIL WAYNE 4 LIFE
boysxrulex09 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
you deserve it for being a girl because girls suck!
littlegolferboy 4
boysxrulex09, you are officially the worst troll in the history of trolling. You aren't funny and you sound like you're 10. I recommend that in the future you not use the internet anymore without parental supervision.
tarheel22893 0
@#96-- Ahhh,, sexual intercourse
Duckasaurus 0
#102 He's either (a) a 12 year old boy or (b) a ******. Those are the only people that think women are useless.
DrunkIrishman 0
Haha, either that or gay. And, to be fair, girls do "suck". ;) EDIT: @#112: You're forgetting c.) asexual d.) sexist.
nutbiscuit 0
loser
Shawtie 0
@101 - lol agreed :) elegantly put
icall_BS 0
No,Women suck. However vaginas and **** are MMM MMM. Delicious. Too bad theyre attached to a women.
CitizenSnipz 0
The BOYFRIEND is the cheater, the girl didn't know! Damn it, you ignorant bitches.
Twigz666 18
If you douche bags saying "females suck" haven't realised, without females you wouldn't exist. So many stupid people these days, makes me sad to be human…
cwl727 33
Well you seem to really like cars.
flinkpamingo 0
First, you shouldn't be mad at her. HE is the one who dogged you. Secondly, grow up, get a life and realize that anyone who makes you that angry and treats you like that isn't worth the power it takes to squish a bug. What a waste. Go find someone who acctually loves you and wants to be with you. Come on, suck it up and move on, and have a nice day. You deserve better.
MaramaBreaksFace 0
Hear hear!
genius_man16 1
That was my thought. I mean what kind of lame, useless, desperate person are you? Your boyfriend cheats on you and you get mad at the GIRL and egg HER house? WTF is your problem? OP: you are a complete idiot and deserve it and more
ilikequarters 0
yeah and you throw like a girl
DameGreyWulf 1
Ahhh, foo on you. Egging's fun :c And she has every right to be mad at the girl; she probably KNEW that was her boyfriend and still did the dirty with him. Otherwise she probably wouldn't be so mad. However, it's not her house she should have egged, it's the boyfriend's... and instead of eggs, it should be pads and used tampons. Dohohoho. Also, 99, I lol'd
flinkpamingo 0
THAT is just wrong, not to mention a health hazzard. Criminals who spit at officers are charged with a crime. Think twice, is it really worth it? Really? No, just time wasted you cant get back.
DameGreyWulf 1
Have you never gone padding before? TPing? Egging? Soaping? ANYTHING? It's endless amounts of fun. Aren't most things fun technically a "waste of time"? I'd definitely say it's worth it, be it joke or serious.
ananamoose 0
unless you throw like a girl how do you miss a truck 12 times!!!!!! Thats epic
DrunkIrishman 0
Well, want to know the funny thing about the OP? The OP IS a girl! So, she being a girl, she would technically "throw like a girl". But shhh, it's a secret. We don't want other idiots like you to catch on. It ruins the fun of being able to read "on a girl who slept with my boyfriend" and understand the implications of it.
HamsteronA 0
nothing is a waste of time if you enjoy it. it's not wasted then.
SnayUnicornPower 0
I was totally going to say the same thing! Except for the fact that if she's that immature she doesn't deserve someone better... She needs to learn to be alone and grow up.
jazyocho 4
I 100 percent agree. shouldn't we be mad at the boyfriend? he cheated! she had no obligation to you. ydi
Emokidabbey 0
Soo true!!! Its not the girl's fault. It is his for not caring enough to not cheat one u
riax 9
yes it's childish as hell, but doing silly childish things sometimes is the best therapy. Especially for complicated shit. At least she's not hurting anyone, and it's better than doing nth and moping about it like a real loser. The bitch deserves more than an egging.. and the bf was more at fault
lolwatlol 0
Yeah its obviously her fault and your bf couldnt help it. Enjoy your life as a cumdumpster.
Cheesegrater 0
you r evil
meeeep 0
you could have just walked down the driveway to get a better aim...
Lolbrittany 0
should've egged HIS house/vehicle.
caramelize 0
Agreed. It's completely and totally your BF's fault.
taymichele16 15
/Driveway
pineapples_fml 5
ahahaha. so when people say "you throw like a girl" you are no longer allowed to be offended ps- stop messing with people's cars
brrrx 0
I'm now offended that, as a girl, I've been grouped in the same category as the OP. She's an embarassment to anyone with two X chromosomes. I can't even really believe this happened. I mean, it's a truck - stand as close to it as you want. Why wouldn't you just stand right next to the truck and push the eggs against the car until they broke? Can't really miss that way.
Person_Man 0
She didn't do that because she is a woman, and women are stupid...She was probably too busy fixing her tampon to think about moving closer.
uhmfml 0
Please grow up
Stoffer69 0
"F my life because I threw eggs in somebody's driveway?" The mods aren't even trying anymore!
adelaide_evening 0
Hey, didn't you read!? She wasted an entire CARTON of eggs! We all know a carton of eggs is insanely expensive, and her wasting a couple of dollars is definitely what she should be worrying about in such a situation. [sarcasm]
alex_vik 1
I think you mean "The Jackass crew aren't even trying".
lmmmr 0
The Jackass crew clearly have no sense of humor beyond electrifying eachother's nipples. These FMLs are terrible.
adelaide_evening 0
Hey, look on the bright side: At least you were mature and realized it was all that dumb bitch's fault and your boyfriend is at no fault whatsoever. She probably tied him down to a chair and seduced him as he was screaming, "No, please, think of my wonderful girlfriend!" Oh, wait.....
the_commentator 0
lmao. win.