Today, my wife confused terminology from my religion with stuff from Harry Potter. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Witches Brew
Today, my stepmom burned all my Harry Potter stuff. Apparently, Harry Potter is the "Devil’s plan to corrupt good Christian children" and "That shit is make believe anyway." What did my dad ever see in this evil witch? FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I have never read any of the Harry Potter books. FML
Wizardry
Today, my brother-in-law brought his new girlfriend over to meet the family. Things went south real quick after she went on a tirade about what terrible parents my wife and I are for letting our kids keep all their Harry Potter memorabilia. Now he’s mad I threw her out. FML
Today, I was going on a first date with a girl I really like. We were going to see the new Harry Potter movie, and she told me she was getting all dressed up. It was only after I picked her up I realized she meant that she was dressing nicely. I was dressed as Harry Potter. FML
Today, my wife threw a piece of tofu cake at my head for suggesting that the money she'd spent on magic "healing" crystals and homeopathic "remedies" would've just as well been spent on a chocolate teapot. FML
Foreshadowing is a literary device…
Today, I told my wife I wanted to reconnect with my religion. She told me that if I wanted to I could, but to expect divorce papers when I got back because she doesn’t intend to be married to one of those boring ass religious nut jobs ruining her Sunday mornings. FML
Today, my wife didn't say a word to me because her horoscope told her not to. FML
Today, I was going through my daughter's contacts, except all of them had names from Harry Potter. I found the name "Mom." I was relieved I didn't have some silly name, until I realized it wasn't my number; it was her father's new wife. My number was under "Voldemort." FML
Today, I realized I've been confusing scenes from The Lord of the Rings with American history. FML
Turn the other cheek
Today, my dad got married to a woman who's an atheist and makes fun of me for being a devout Christian. FML
Top comments
ninjawatcher 2
Now I want to know what religion.
MisterDoctor 12
Do you solemnly swear that she's up to no good?
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Comments (147)
ninjawatcher 2
Now I want to know what religion.
falloutboy97 16
Jedi?
freckleface221 19
Wicca is my guess.
drewcat21 0
Op is Tom cruise.
inarsla 8
Any of them, really
joshszz_fml 4
I want to know how far OP could quote Harry Potter before his wife realizes the truth.. "... and every one of us is blessed with a ethereal animal that protects us from these floating demons that will suck the happiness and our very souls from us with a kiss. Mine is a shiny otter. "
Carmstro 13
Why is this getting so many YDI?
Foxy_On_Fire 21
Bless it be!
guy24 9
112 because religions believe crazy stuff.
BananEnigma 24
......*****Blessed be, #126.
supimnyancat 9
Well, Harry Potter was around before Scientology.
onlychildFTW 34
And Harry potter has more followers. And it makes more sense.
Mister_Triangle 21
Scientology was founded in the 50's/60's
xlord 27
Scientology was founded when some random **** wanted to make a quick buck.
rangerPat 12
Don't know why 42 was thumbed down. He's actually right about that. Also; who really cares about Scientology?
counterfit 10
68 - L. Ron Hubbard was actually fairly established as a science fiction author, so he's not exactly random.
tweetbaby14 18
68, that must be around the same time Christianity was created.... Now it makes sense why money is given every service and the church still sucks...
madgrinchhatter 12
118-He's still a **** though
spaboolly 26
Some pieces of fiction are heavily influenced by religious ideologies, but I can't really see any in Harry Potter. I'm not sure how this constitutes an FML either, unless you take it as a sign that she doesn't respect your religion (which I think should have been a discussion to have before getting married, but that's just me).
LadyLol_fml 15
I think that it could be a case of she's trying to respect his religion and got confused? And I think that this does constitute an FML, when you marry someone, the least you could do is learn their beliefs properly, it isn't
MisterDoctor 12
Do you solemnly swear that she's up to no good?
deBlobX 12
No her mischief is already managed
crystalxa 35
Harry Potter Forever! It has a huge influence in a lot of peoples lifes now'a'days. Mine included!
kellygirl83 11
Did she call herself a muggle instead of a shiska? And on a side note why does my autocorrect know muggle but not shiska?
Nekogami 14
The same reason you show off such lovely cleavage: because it ( in this case, you ) can. That and muggle is a widely accepted "factual" word.
zango1 15
I've not seen or read Harry Potter so apologies if a shiska is from that. Otherwise I think you may mean shiksa.
pogue36 5
Muggle is actually a real word. They had it added to the dictionary.
WritingWrongs 8
-6, because it's spelled shiksha. if 6 is referring to "swype" (what I use), and not auto-correct, per se, swype is rarely 100% accurate; besides that, swype doesn't care about proper spelling, it counts on the popularity of the word.
KestrelGirl 15
The heck? "Shiksa" is Jewish. It refers to a non-Jewish woman.
lolmandi 9
Harry Potter...is awesome.
jellycorn 13
It's brilliant
ambowew 7
Not just brilliant, but bloody brilliant.
Stealthed 8
"You're a lizard, Harry"
atrain717 5
just let her have her moment so she can get over the greaving
capslockisgood 19
What?
BeforeItWasCool 12
For one, you've spelt grieving wrong. For another, where on earth does it say the wife is grieving?
aliciaanomalyyxo 12
Umm hello she's a Harry potter fan, we are all still grieving!!!
BeforeItWasCool 12
Why, of course, how blindingly obvious that was.
fsanchez9x 0
Whatever your religion is, it's as fake as Harry potter. So why are you so offended?
clueless05 12
Happy Potter is not fake! How dare you!
ambowew 7
Avada Kedavra!
jellycorn 13
Crucio!
MidnaLink 35
Just because you obviously weren't raised under a religion, doesn't mean you get to call religion fake, dumbf**k!
FlyinTurtle 7
Believe in magic you muggle!
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Stupid Muggle...
esfox83 17
Your an asshole
tsent8 15
I expected a lot of Christians to come on and yell about how god is real. Not a bunch of Harry potter fans WTF?
gracehi 33
I find it strange that people are more offended that this asshole made a factual statement that Harry Potter is fake than that he told someone their religion is fake. Like 58 said, WTF?
XxQueenofPuppets 10
I'm pretty sure that they were being sarcastic... Plus no one wants to touch the subject of the validity of religion with a ten foot pole
paulyd97 3
No need for a flame war over either topic
gracehi 33
73, No one except 10, apparently, who is obviously a trolling troll. Perhaps they are simply refusing to feed him in hopes that he will whither away from malnutrition.
opossom 1
TROLLL IN THE COMMENTS!
SaltyLurker 10
... thought you might want to know.
Pretty_reckless_fml 18
Someone is trolling....fully grown mountain trollin ;D
buhrittanyerin 6
that's exactly what we want you to think.. muggle..
Gwyddone 29
Okay, seriosly. Which religion? I cannot imagine one which could be confused with HP...
annie_nk 23
Wicca is my guess.
EyesofStone 27
If one can confuse Jews with Vikings, anything is fair game.
Prolux_fml 23
Well really, religion/wizardry is the same thing; imaginary
jayhawkchik 4
I would guess Wicca.
doodlecloud 27
This sucks...but how much kind of depends on your religion. If you're a Christian (assuming you're in USA/UK because the majority of FMLs seem to be) your mum is a dumbass. If you're like a scientologist or something (I have no idea what they're terminology is like but it's the most ridiculous 'religion' I can think of right now), I don't really blame her.
naughtylez82 4
What does there mom have to do with anything?
hogwartsbitches 6
*their terminology. It is something that is theirs not something that they are.
CoffeeChickBlows 13
I'm with Alan, stop painting religion as respectable, especially over another one. It's misleading and super disrespectful to people who actually use their brains, "bro".
doodlecloud 27
Ah, I tried really hard not to discriminate...what I meant was some religions are more known than others in certain places. For example, if I was a Christian in the US I'd be surprised if I someone didn't know what I meant if I used a common religious term, however, if I was in a country where Christianity is rare or unheard of I would be less surprised and thus those people would seem less ignorant to me. Admittedly the Scientology bit WAS more discriminatory, so I aplogise for that, I just personally don't really consider it a religion so I kind of forgot...but in the interests of those who do, sorry.
CrewBoy 10
You don't consider Scientology a religion? How is it any more far fetched than Christianity?
doodlecloud 27
I don't particularly want to get into scientology right now - it probably won't end well. I shouldn't really have brought it up, I'm aware of that - it didn't help my original, indiscriminatory point, it only weakened it. In any case, in this case my opinions may well be based on ignorance. Scientology doesn't exactly get a good rep in the media and online. I was under the impression that most people considered it a 'crazy scam'. Ignorant perhaps, I'll have to look more into it. I'm sure I'm not the only person who, rightly or wrongly, thinks/initially thought that though.
doodlecloud 27
17 Sorry, I read it as mum instead of wife for some reason. 25 - Go away. I may not know much about scientology but at least I'm not just an ass.
CrewBoy 10
Well of course it's a crazy scam but that's not the point. The point is you were calling one religion better than another when yours is probably just as crazy as Scientology is.
doodlecloud 27
Sorry but if you think scientology is rubbish too then surely you understand what I'm saying? If the whole crazy scam thing is correct then I DO see a difference between scientology and other religions as, even if I don't believe in them, I still respect and understand them as opposed to scientology which SEEMS to be more about making money. The problem here now seems to be that you think all religions are crazy...which is an opinion you're allowed to have but I don't think you can fall back on it when trying to talk about respect. There's a difference between actual respect and just discriminating against everything equally. Personally, although I may have a screwed perception of scientology (though you seem to agree with me), I respect all other religions.
CrewBoy 10
This isn't about me and my beliefs right now. What my comment said is that your religion is most likely just as crazy as Scientology when you look at it. Also, I am simply trying to say that calling Scientology ANY less likely than other religions is unfair, wrong, and just plain stupid.
insomniac8400 13
they're both religions, but that doesnt mean either of them are valid or have any connection to reality
doodlecloud 27
Well I guess we're at an impasse then. I suppose I can see why scientology and other religions may be equally 'crazy' but I don't think that makes them comparable. Assuming, my assumptions of scientology are infact correct, which you say they are, I believe scientology has clear intentions that make it less credible as a religion, even if it isn't actually more crazy (many people tell me that it IS actually more crazy but I don't know enough other than there are 'aliens' so I won't argue that point). Although I'm sure I'll get thumbed down as most of my other comments on this fml have been, I'm sure many others, religious and non-religious, agree. And for the record, I'm not religious and never said I was.
gracehi 33
Well, I've heard that the guy who invented Scientology once said, "I'd like to invent a religion. That's where the real money is." I doubt any rational person would accuse Jesus of saying that.
doodlecloud 27
Also, I completely missed it before but sorry about the they're/their! You'll be pleased to know it wasn't legit, just a typo. Thank you for correcting me though - I don't want to contribute to the grammar/spelling fails of the internet...embarrassment is a small price to pay for knowing that people won't copy my fail.
Astrobomb 21
well don't you like to babble