Today, I found tiny little maggots in the bristles of my toothbrush. I have no idea how long they've been there. FML
wombats_fml tells us more.
Hello! Yes, it's disgusting, but I assure you I am not disgusting myself. I'm pretty sure they weren't there yesterday...I hope. :/ They were very, very small, so I agree with #48, #50 and #101 that they probably came into being last night. They had over ten hours, as I went to bed early and got up late. I immediately threw away my toothbrush, toothpaste and washed my toothbrush holder. I of course went out and bought a new toothbrush and new tube of toothpaste. I felt very self-conscious going out without having brushed my teeth, so I chewed on lots of sugar free gum. :P I brush my teeth twice a day, as recommended by the ADA. I've actually replaced my toothbrush three times in the last three months for various reasons, including when I dropped one of them on the floor. I'm very conscious of my dental health. I keep my toothbrush upright in a glass (easier to see when it needs cleaning at the bottom...toothbrush holders themselves often have maggots or eggs in them. >_<), and I have a cover over the top of it (more on that in the next paragraph). When I flush the toilet, I always put the lid down because when you flush a toilet, it sprays particles of whatever is in there all around the room. We've had a problem with small, irritating little flies just recently, and I'm 99% sure those little arseholes are responsible. I rinse my toothbrush after I use it, and then put it in the holder with a cover on it...and I think that contributed to this, by creating a dark, moist place for a fly to lay its eggs. I won't be using one of those anymore. It shall sit free, as obviously the cover wasn't doing a bloody ounce of good anyway. This just makes me wonder what other delightful bugs land or crawl on our toothbrushes when we're not using them. :X I bet this happens more than we think, and the eggs just don't get a chance to hatch into maggots on the toothbrush. :P
Today, I finished reading a manga series on a website I go on all the time. As I read the last page I got a huge celebratory message from the website saying I was the first one to read every manga on their site. The website opened in 2011 and has over 30,000 manga. My God, I need a social life. FML
Today, at my workplace, a TV was installed just above my register at work which plays the same mind-numbingly awful 13 second ad on loop for the duration of our latest sale. The sale lasts for what are going to be three very long weeks. FML
Today, my stalker ex girlfriend turned up at my wedding, uninvited, wearing a wedding dress. FML
Today, I was woken up to my mom playing the piano awfully. I screamed down the stairs "you suck, stop playing!" Turns out it was my 5 year old cousin playing a recital. For my entire family. FML
Today, I found out why my dad always treated me badly as a kid compared to my siblings. It's because I was conceived while my mom was cheating on him. On top of that, he made it clear that he still doesn't consider me a "real" part of the family. FML
Today, I came back from a holiday and the friend who'd been looking after my cats returned my spare key. When I wanted to put some relaxing music on, I noticed that he'd switched most of my CDs around in their cases. I have over a thousand of them. Very funny, thanks. FML
Today, I was driving with my mom. She had some soda with her from earlier, and even though it was probably warm, I was thirsty. I ask for a sip, she hands it to me and says sure. And I get a mouthful of ash-and-cigarette-butt-filled soda. Apparently she didn't feel the need to mention this to me. FML
Today, trying to be an old-school romantic, I asked my girlfriend, "Where art thou, my love?" via SMS. She replied, "Toilet." FML
Today, I was working the graveyard shift as a security guard. I fell asleep in my car doing paperwork around 2 am. When my supervisor came to check on me, he pounded on my window, wearing a "Scream" mask. I panicked and pepper sprayed him. Too bad my window was closed. FML
Today, I was shocked to notice that my hair has started growing out entirely silver, supposedly due to pregnancy. I'm 19. Apparently, according to my aunt, "It runs in the family." FML
Today, at work I was talking to a co-worker about what a slacker my manager was, and how all she did was stand around and talk. She was standing behind me the whole time. I now have sore nuts due to a direct hit from a broom handle. FML
Today, I met a new guy at work who would not stop hitting on me. We ended up on a six hour shift together watching a pool, so we were wearing nothing but bathing suits when he began grabbing me inappropriately. When I confided in my female coworker about it, she told me he was her husband. FML
lifeguardlechery tells us more.
To be fair, I did scream "OMG NO! GTF OFFAME!" at the time. It's just that there was no one around but him and me to hear it (it was really early). After that point in time he switched to verbal sexual harassment. =_=
Today, my mom was put in jail for beating the shit out of my dad. FML
Today, my boyfriend was inside a cell phone store talking to a sales guy while I waited outside. I sent him a text, not realizing that the guy was using his phone to call customer service. A topless photo of me shows up on his phone when I text him. The sales guy looked. Twice. FML
Today, I drove into the parking lot at work, and discovered too late that there were patches of ice everywhere. As I turned to enter my usual spot, I lost control of the vehicle, and despite my pleas, praying, and profanity, it glided straight into my boss's car. FML
Today, I was the designated driver. On the way home with my drunk friends, they decide to give me a beer shower. I swerved, and was pulled over by a cop moments after. I was the only one arrested. FML
Today, I was at my senior dance dancing with this guy I really like. He was telling me how he likes a strong woman who's not afraid to make the first move. Empowered by what he said, I asked him out. He said no because he thinks girls shouldn't ask guys out. FML
Today, I took my son to lunch. After we ate, the waitress came over and told me that my son was the most well-behaved child they had ever had there. His response was to pull his pants down and moon the entire restaurant while smacking his bottom. FML
BekkyLove15 tells us more.
BekkyLove15 14
Nope! He ripped the tweeds down before I even had a chance to get up and get to the other side of the table. He definitely knows the difference between right and wrong, and was spoken to VERY sternly when back in the car. Of course, the talking to May have been more successful if my 81 year old grandmother wasn't laughing so hard.
Today, I was outside searching for "treasures" with my son using small plastic shovels. All of a sudden he starts screaming. He dug up the bones of our old dog. I told him that we had sent him away to live on a farm, I even helped my son write letters to the farm owners. FML
Today, my dog is mad at me due to the fact that earlier in the day I ate 2 peanut butter cookies. Apparently, they were his dog treats. I had no idea. FML
Today, I logged into my bank account and started crying. Not because of the balance, but because the password is my anniversary with my ex, and it's the only reminder I have of happy days in my life. FML
chiahuahualove tells us more.
Hey there OP here! Firstly thank you to the lovely people with kind messages ! Secondly here's the full story... that password is only needed to log into my bank on a computer, since I always use my phone that wasn't needed for months and completely forgot about it ... Until I needed it. So hence why I haven't changed it ... I didn't need it for 3 months! To those "Lovely keyboard warriors" ( sarcasm) Let me remind you, you are on FML, a space for laughter and face palming ... Not a self help website and your "Advice" isn't requested nor needed Thanks again too all you lovelies ! It's hard when you thought you would marry him and then need to realign your life with current reality... Peace and love OP
Today, I overheard my parents in the kitchen talking about how they wanted to try anal tonight. There is over three and a half feet of snow outside, leaving me no way to escape the horrible sounds and mental images yet to come. FML
Today, I was with my mom and my boyfriend at lunch. My phone rings and my mom excitedly says "You have friends!" As I'm about to answer it, she pulls out her phone from under the table and says "Kidding, it's just me." My boyfriend starts cracking up, and they exchange a high five. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. I'm extremely uncomfortable with eye contact, but he kept staring into my eyes the entire time. I had to sing the F.U.N. song from Spongebob in my head to stop myself having an anxiety attack. FML
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Today, after what I thought was an amazing sex session with my boyfriend, he let out a big sigh and told me I need to watch more porn. FML
Today, I suddenly started having excruciating pain. My husband took me to the ER, where I waited for three hours in agony to be seen. By the time a doctor got to me, the pain had mostly gone, but it was found to be a kidney stone. I was told, "Next time, don't wait so long." Really? FML
Orchard tells us more.
Orchard 33
Hi, this is the OP. I told them in triage with tears streaming down my face that I thought it was a kidney stone. I was in so much pain I could barely fill out the forms. There were only a couple of possibilities as to the source of pain to begin with since the pain was all down my left flank and upper left quadrant. I have medical training so I wasn't too shocked to find out it was a kidney stone. What was shocking was they thought I was faking to get a drug fix, put me on the back burner, then acted like it was somehow my fault for not being seen sooner so they could help manage the pain.
Today, since I'm still recovering from my surgery and can't drive, my daughter drove me to the doctor. When I was done and walked outside, she was nowhere to be seen. Then I got a text, saying, "Sorry, I forgot I have to be somewhere." The closest bus stop to our house is miles away. FML
Today, I found out that my husband keeps in contact with the woman he was infatuated with in high school. He texts her more than he texts me. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
