Today, I was working the graveyard shift as a security guard. I fell asleep in my car doing paperwork around 2 am. When my supervisor came to check on me, he pounded on my window, wearing a "Scream" mask. I panicked and pepper sprayed him. Too bad my window was closed. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got into my car after a long shift at work. When I looked in my rear view mirror, a horrifyingly evil face grinned at me from the back window. I leaped out of the car, only to be chased around by two people in clown masks. It turned out to be a prank set up by my co-workers. FML
Today, I took a nap before work. I had a harrowing nightmare in which I was chased by a murderer and the ghosts of his victims at my job. I then woke up to go to work, where I work the night shift, completely alone. FML
Today, I got locked out of a building that I work in (I work night shifts). I locked my phone, wallet, and car keys in the building. I had no way of contacting my boss or getting a ride. I had to walk home at night, almost got hit by a car full of dudes yelling slurs, and had a woman scream at me from the passenger seat of a car. FML
Today, I was sitting in my car waiting my shift to start. I must've fallen asleep because I woke up to a call from my boss firing me. I was in the parking lot. FML
Today, at the gas station I work a lady called wanting to know the "password" and if I was okay. Thinking it was a prank I hung up. A couple of minutes later she called back, this time asking if I could see the cops outside and telling me I'd be alright. I saw four of 'em. I'd hit the silent alarm by accident. FML
Today, I was working a haunted house. I have a really good spot where I hide and scare people. This really hot guy was walking up, and I jumped out and screamed. He punched me in the face. FML
Today, I woke up early for work. Had my coffee, finished up a report and headed out of my house. Not only was the office closed today, but the silent alarm was on, which is triggered by a door opening even if you use a key. I was startled by the cops searching the building, ran, and got tased. FML
Today, I woke up to find my car broken into. After being upset for not hearing my car alarm go off I realized it had in the middle of the night. I had woken up and cursed the idiot who set off their alarm and put a pillow over my head, falling back to sleep shortly after. FML
Today, I passed out in my car in a McDonald's parking lot. I got woken up by a cop. FML
Today, after I got in my car in the Walmart parking lot, a creepy man knocked on my window. Since I'm incredibly paranoid and scare easily, I put my car in gear and tore out of there, accidentally hitting another car. Apparently he was returning my phone that I dropped. FML
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Top comments
blargheria 0
Supervisor of the year award goes to...
bigAC 6
you're like one of those Windex bird
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Comments (153)
cntryiscntrywide 0
smart move.
Lemuel_fml 5
Not really... Then again no one thinks well at 2 am...
japtch 15
Or when they're jolted into waking up.
Lemuel_fml 5
That too :)
Ecklcakes 15
It's probably better it was shut.
Sammiches 12
Yeah, you wouldn't want to get fired. Even if you work at a graveyard.
bubble25_fml 5
68- Umm, hate to burst your bubble, but I don't think op works at a graveyard...
elephantom12 9
68 - graveyard shift doesn't mean he works at a graveyard, it means he worked at night.
Keyman1212 14
No no no, obviously OP works at a graveyard, and he realized that the Zombies were coming, so he thought to him self "self, let's put on our big boy pants, and stop this zombie invasion right now by pepper spraying this asshole."
cntryiscntrywide 0
82- thank yu, for making my day:)
belkinbra 12
You are a disgrace to the English language. All of your comments on this FML story have been burried. Take a hint......
SCREAM4meeee 0
My favorite mask :)
meidel 5
Apparently this was sarcasm...
blargheria 0
Supervisor of the year award goes to...
Fruit_Dealer 9
Will Ferell! I can totally picture him playing OP's role in a movie.
KiddNYC1O 22
It's so damn hot! Milk was a bad choice.
truebrotrue 7
At least he has a sense of humor about it,op is off the hook
iEatWookies 1
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You better be a girl!
marzipanimal 15
What does that have to do with anything?.
iEatWookies 1
Real men don't use pepper spray obviously!
Savra_fml 17
28, you are a twit. Go up to a policeman and say "you are not a real man".
iEatWookies 1
Look I'm sure he had a taser and everything. But he chose the pepper spray. That's all I'm saying haha
MagicallyFat 12
Are you serious. One it's called a graveyard shift so I'm already scared. Second he wore a scream mask and banged on the window waking him up. If that was me I would have BOOKED it out of there fuxk the spray
fuzz97 23
lol. 3, you are a ******* idiot.
Savra_fml 17
42, If you are in a situation where you could be sprayed, tasered, or shot....wish that you get sprayed. This is the best/safest option for you. But, feel free to yell at the person "is that all you got pussy?". Then hopefully you will have the pleasure of feeling over 1000 volts going through your body, with a few muscle spasms, before you fall in agony on the ground. Then, if you have enough strength left, scream out "be a man!", and you might hear a gun being shot. Then you can post an FML about it.
Yodaevil 4
It's true, a real man would had a firearm and never fell asleep. Doesn't mean he wasn't a boy though.
iEatWookies 1
54 Put yourself in his position. He is woken abruptly to what (in the sudden shock) could be assumed to be a demon or something else. And he decided to try and pepper spray it. Yeeeaahh... Not seein that..
cnkk07 8
28, First of all, that must be some high end security business for you to assume that OP had a choice between pepper spray and a taser. It's also hilarious how you can use the "real men don't use pepper spray" line with a screen name like ieatwookies. Real men wouldn't post a comment as stupid as yours.
ambamm135 7
Ya because your trained to use spray over other methods. Why? Because like previously stated it's safer than a taser. Sometimes tasers fail sprays don't really and they are just as effective if not more effective because the target won't be able to see. If the person was still coming at the officer or guard THEN they would use a taser then a gun. So no he was smart and followed protocol. Think before you speak 3.
deviable 9
3 is pretty sexist. Using pepper spray, which ******* hurts like a bitch, is what op was trained to do. It has nothing to do with being a real man.
Yodaevil 4
Op wasn't trained. Where in any type law enforcement does it train you to not be alert? Also tasers are safer and more effective than OC sprays. But they can cost over a grand, so youre more likely to see security with a gun rather than a taser. If you don't have what it takes to stay awake, get a new job. It could cost you a lot more than some painful tears some night...
13FMYLIFE 0
Wow #3... and I'm guessing you're probably a guy. Without a girl. And obviously you're not a real man, cuz a real man's smart enough not to say something that dumb that's aimed at women. Jackass.
leadman1989 16
3 and 56 Have NEVER been maced (that sound manly enough?)! That shit HURTS! 56 - If you're tired YOU FALL ASLEEP there isn't really much you can do about that men are human too. I'm sure op won't listen to your dick headed advice.
ambamm135 7
111 people die from tazers and they can be fought off you obviously have no idea what your talking about. And if you're a security guard you need to go through some training if you're varying any sort of weapon so logically we can say OP was trained
Kwejee 1
111 - Since when are tazers safer? No one has ever died from being pepper-sprayed. Since 2001, approximately 508 people have died from tazers.
eviegirl247 0
After reading all these comments, I just want to know weather OP is a male or female...
likasumboooodi 0
you better run away, girls are going to beat your ass for being sexist
Sub_Zero_is_God 13
op I hope it tastes good.
pfx2_fml 15
Your dumb..
flockz 20
*sigh* no, you're dumb.
Sub_Zero_is_God 13
I was really tired when I posted that comment. xD
Lemuel_fml 5
Nice security that place has haha.
nate_msm 0
We security people have to do something to pass the time :)
FYLDeep 26
Your boss just had to punish you for sleeping on the job.
curlyfry33 8
Ha
bigAC 6
you're like one of those Windex bird
Lemuel_fml 5
It's not the birds that do that. It is the humans who run into the doors, and the birds just laugh.
J3R3MYY 14
So the supervisor is the bird in this situation
cntryiscntrywide 0
how did you pull out the pepper spray fast enough and not realize during the process that it was a mask...
Thisismypchere 8
I guess he just panicked and didn't really think. It's pretty funny though
kcircuses 1
I think the more important part of this story was that he didn't notice the window was rolled up thus spraying himself
killak41 9
Don't hate guarding the donut shop while the cops aren't around is tiring work!
cntryiscntrywide 0
sorry, I just don't get it. I can stay up for two or three days no problem. and sleep for a few hours.
ThatMusicGuy 0
Im pretty sure he knew it was a mask, but didn't know who was behind it, hence the panic and pepper spray.
remz89 3
51- well not everyone like you, nor do you know what stresses or situation he has to deal with throughout the day. So give yourself a cookie for being able to stay up for a couple of days.
cntryiscntrywide 0
give myself a cookie? wow, I know everyone can't do it.. I'm not explaining myself to some hater on the Internet your probably like, 12. now hop off.
WhySoMad 0
Cool story
belkinbra 12
*you're. And by the looks of your picture, it looks like you have given yourself enough cookies.
sushi_samurai 3
I feel safer now that I know alert, quick thinking security guards like you are on the front lines against crime. ;D
donnydrivetime 5
Your an idiot. Security guards don't fight crimes they dont do anything and then when something real happens they call the cops cause there nobody's
kcircuses 1
17-google sarcasm then you might understand what 10 was doing there
japtch 15
17 - you're* If you're going to insult someone on their intelligence, then spell the insult right.
ananonymousguy 0
Actually security guards protect private property.
deviable 9
17, you're an idiot. At my job the security guards are practically gods. We need them often, and they are beyond useful. Don't talk about what you don't know.
Nutty4Muffs 3
You're*, don't*, they're*, nobodies*, .* I just thought I'd get all of these corrections out of the way since FML loves people like me.