Today, my father tried to secretly follow me all day, because he doesn't believe that I have any "real" errands to run or friends to meet with. He's actually convinced that I'm living some secret double life with another family. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad tried to confiscate my car keys because he doesn’t like how late I stay out on the weekends. I’m 26, have owned my own home since I was 24, and also how the fuck does he know what time I get home? My own dad is stalking me. FML
Today, and lately, my dad has an annoying habit of knowing where I’ve been, even though I never go anywhere worth mentioning. On a hunch, I checked my phone and it turns out he’s been tracking my location. I’ve literally done nothing to deserve this lack of trust, and now I think I hate him. FML
Today, my dad lied and said he was busy working, all because he didn't want to see me. FML
Today, on my way to see my therapist, my father told me to lie to her and tell her that I'm happy so he wouldn't have to drive me there anymore. FML
Today, I found out that the creepy weirdo who's been sending me messages for a while is just my dad. His excuse was, "I wanted you to feel like someone would actually like you." FML
Today, my father told me to take the car and get some groceries. An hour and a half later, coming home with the groceries, I see the cops all around my house because my dad had called them, thinking that I had run away and stolen the car. FML
Today, my dad threatened to hit me if I didn't tell him what I had in my homework. He thinks I won't keep secrets from him this way. There's a reason I kept secrets in the first place. FML
Today, I had to chase after my dad through a closing garage door to stop him from driving off fuming and doing something stupid. He recently got betrayed at work and called my mom's friend her boyfriend. I'm 27, living at home, don't want kids, no girlfriend, few, if any, good friends, likely unemployable because of resume gaps and bipolar. FML
Today, my dad described our security cameras recording a stranger stealing money from his car, and then called me unhealthy and paranoid for locking my car all the time. My car is usually parked right next to his. FML
Today, my parents scoured my browser history, certain that I have a hidden Facebook account that I'm using to get up to no good. Their reasoning was that there's no way my only friends are my relatives and that all I can post about is about the weather. FML
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Top comments
Rei_Ayanami 18
Maybe you should pay more attention to and spend more time with your father. He may feel neglected. Or you could make him a tinfoil hat...
jaronapn13 1
Prove him wrong.
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Comments (42)
angels531 1
F
tmaq973 7
You mean "F" like I'm a ******* dumbass and just wanted to be first, right?
jaronapn13 1
Prove him wrong.
lopsop 12
Well by him following her he would be proved wrong very quickly.
GrammarJew 4
If he is thta paranoyd it mite be hard to consince him otterwize
slurshies 11
wow 34 did you even go to elementary school??
GrammarJew 4
?Yesh of corse I didnt whi do yoo asc
yahoowizard 16
What if OP really had a second family though =0!
Rei_Ayanami 18
Maybe you should pay more attention to and spend more time with your father. He may feel neglected. Or you could make him a tinfoil hat...
Cats_And_Kitties 3
Tinfoil hats make everything better.
skyeyez9 25
I made my daughter a tinfoil hat for the "crazy hat day" at her school. I shaped it like a Hershey's Kiss chocolate and put a white strip of paper on the top with the blue letters "Hershey" Candy hat that doubles as a thought blocker from the govt, and aliens.
Qandol 26
#3, i agreed with what you said, i know nowadays Generation does not spend any time with family. Which is wrong, i would do anything to spend any time i got with my family. But again its just me. Everyone have options i guess.
nevereyes 31
I spend lots of time with my mom but none (if I can avoid it) with my dad. Mainly cause my dads idea of spending time together is giving him feet massages, making him food, building a deck for him and yelling at me for having better grads then he did,having a boyfriend, having a job, being goth, havering more friends than my brother, for being attractive (I get hit on a lot), and for doing to much or to little. No one wants to be around a person like that, regardless of wether or not he's your father.
zandalee 20
It's taken me to be in my forties before I finally 'got' my Dad... Is still not a perfect relationship but who knows, maybe we will be close one day.
TheNicce01 14
or op could go to a random group snd say ''Dad, you got the best jokes ever!!!!!''
superhumangambit 4
He's been watching too much Total Recall.
ASD_K 11
The original movie from 20 years ago was better.
TREEBISCUIT 3
That's where you drive to some random house and walk in, and let him bail you out when you get arrested for breaking into 'your' family's house.
vladmire 4
At this point maybe you should actually try and live somewhere else...
mishaparis 7
Sure. THAT'S a good idea. OP may just be a teenager.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
And then he'll REALLY think OP is living a double life.
slurshies 11
31, uh, yeah I'm pretty sure that was the point...
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
41- I realize this. No need to be condescending towards me.
Midnightbacon 7
I would say maybe OPs dad is just over protective , but it seems that he truly feels like OP is so antisocial that they're an outcast of some type. Either way FYL , your dad should have a little more faith in you OP.
Hellbound_Alleee 14
He sounds like he's got worse issues than that. Are you an adult? I'm not sure proving him wrong is going to help. Sounds like it's time, if you're a teenager, to start saving up for your own place or getting to a college out of town.
gracehi 33
If you ask me, it seems like he has some pretty serious psychological issues. OP should really try to get her father some help.
outoftown 27
Yup. Was wondering is dad was off his antipsychotic meds and having a delusional episode. Good luck, OP.
MindFreakazoid 10
"Yes father, you caught me, I obviously live on the north pole with a Polish family and other friends. I was incognito until you found me doing fake errands. Oh, and the cake is a lie."
Faff 20
What OP isnt telling us, is that she actually has a secret identity and her dad found out. That's the real FML here.
mishaparis 7
Your picture and your comment fits perfectly.
ebonyirony 29
I read it in his voice
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
DINKLEBERG! The first thing I pictured was Timmy's dad being convinced he was living with the Dinklebergs...