Today, at work I was talking to a co-worker about what a slacker my manager was, and how all she did was stand around and talk. She was standing behind me the whole time. I now have sore nuts due to a direct hit from a broom handle. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my co-worker threw a rubber mallet at my face, and I broke my finger in the process of saving my face. She then told me to "take it up with HR, bitch". She's the HR manager. FML
Today, it was a really slow day at work. One thing lead to another, and soon enough we were all taking turns shoving each other across the office on a swivel chair. Our boss came in during my turn, and I got singled out for a verbal warning. Everyone else got off with a disapproving glare. FML
Today, I was leaning over cleaning a table at work, when my pretty coworker came up behind me and slapped me on the butt. I was so startled that I slipped and smashed my face into the table. Now she can't look at me without laughing. FML
Today, at work, I was walking to the back office, and I didn't know my manager was following me. After I walked through the door, without looking, I reached behind me to close it. Instead of grabbing the door handle, I got a handful of his crotch. FML
Today, a work colleague was trying to kill a fly that was buzzing around the place. I was about to go on my break, but was stopped because she missed the fly and accidentally whacked me in the balls in the process. By the time I didn’t feel sick anymore, my break was over. FML
Today, at my new job, a coworker offered to help me mop the floors since she wasn't busy. I ended up getting written up by my boss for supposedly being too lazy and making other people finish my work. FML
Today, I was carrying a stack of paperwork at work, when my pen rolled off and onto the floor. As soon as I bent down to pick it up, a nearby co-worker, who's always hated me, accused me of putting on a show and sexually harassing him. He actually followed up by reporting me to HR. FML
Today, at work at a store, I was sitting on the floor stocking a bottom shelf. A woman in a motorized cart did not see me, and ran over my hand. When I alerted her about what she had done she laughed. FML
Today, my lazy bastard of a co-worker punched me straight in the jaw because he didn't get the promotion I did. Being his new manager, I fired him. A few hours later, I was fired for "abusing" my power. FML
Today, I was at work, when I got bored and started spinning around in my chair for a little fun. As I was spinning, I went to grab my phone. I missed and sent my phone flying, hitting my coworker in the face. My boss witnessed the whole thing. FML
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Top comments
raider27 7
Can't she get into trouble for hitting a co-worker?
BIEBERSLAYER 10
Your manager sounds like a real ball buster to me
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Comments (153)
doom2 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
watch what you say, and where you say it.
robbilee 14
that's assault isn't it? and always protect ur sack.
sandi315 0
It's like the movies... Oh god is it behind me?
livin_plur 0
good squirrels protect their nuts
12em12 1
If you are gonna talk about someone, you shouldn't do it where the person works.
otb113 7
A direct hit in the Jacobs from a ******* broomstick?! take that bitch to court.
YourEvilHero 12
who in the blue hell calls them Jacobs? oh hey I'm gonna call mine chris' cus my name is chris
Jacobt24 19
Hmm . . . I find it odd you compare me to testicles -_-
GrahamAker 3
don't sue her. Get over it.you talked shit. your lucky you wernt fired.
denny29 0
I thought he said it in the perfect place just not the right time unless he wanted to have his nuts smashed
birdmanjr 1
Who the hell calls it "blue hell"?
humorizer 14
I believe "yourevilhero" does.
WHOWASTHEPHONE 10
So you were standing around and talking about how your manager just stands around and talks?
YFDIOP 0
your coworker's a dick for not telling you
rooneyroo 0
Correction: he can say whatever the **** he wants. this is america. free speech trumps the manager's violence.
humorizer 14
Actually, that's not how freedom of speech works. Slander is actually an offense punishable by death. Or lawsuit. I forget which one. Probably death.
PandaMantis 6
So why are you messing with her boyfriend if you're a lesbian. That's pretty f'ed up! ;)
SpeechQween94 14
You commented on the wrong post
Mitzi_doll 0
lol , fail . (:
dyble95 0
That is exactly why I do not talk about people behind there backs.
X_Codes 11
Indeed. Mild testicular discomfort is worth more than your paycheck, though. Don't like it? Then don't talk shit about your boss.
andruha1123 5
*their
iPoopMusic 0
Or in this case, behind your back.
Absurd101 0
23 is obvioisly a grammar nazi
mk58 31
45, no shit, Sherlock.
freddyisepic 2
his spelling sucks though. look at his profile
Bylliesmom21 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That's what you get!
mikedamico6 0
when u let your heart win
wordnerd42 0
Whoa.
raider27 7
Can't she get into trouble for hitting a co-worker?
Bad1z 13
only if the other person has enough balls to give a witness statement knowing he could get the same treatment
slushpup9696 12
and it doesn't look like he has enough balls anymore. The broom crushed them, remember?
whiterabbit420 4
it's battery, not to mention it's a superior hitting a subordinate. this has "wrong" and "lawsuit" written all over it. YDI to an extent op because you can't just mouth off at work like that but fyl for your manager being such a bitch!
saintdalman 4
64 - you hit the nail on the head there. Your manager's a violent sociopath, find HER manager and complain, or go get a lawyer (your company is almost certainly vicariously liable here too). She'll likely get fired and you'll receive some sort of compensation.
Rico_Mal1116 0
At least the broom stick wasn't up your ass.
number0 8
You deserve it for standing around and talking, you slacker.
lolololer 8
i find it funny how she was complaining that all her manager would do is "stand aroumd and talk". so wouldnt she be expecting for her manager to be standing around right behind her??
BennyBear 0
you mean "he" "his" and "him"?
SpicyGrass 0
Yes, brooms are known for sweeping 'nuts' away.
ympeter 0
yea, you had it coming...
BIEBERSLAYER 10
Your manager sounds like a real ball buster to me
hiyourcute 0
Pretty much a female Michael Scott...
hcs4life21 0
107 - I see nothin wrong with the spelling in his profile