Today, I was standing outside a store about to flirt with this guy when my mother drove up and shouted, "Hurry up, I have diarrhea!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at the grocery store with my five year-old son when I had to go to the bathroom. After doing my business and we started walking out of the bathroom, my son loudly announced to the whole store, "Mommy has diarrhea!" FML
Today, I got severe diarrhea in a public bathroom. I told my 6-year-old to stand directly outside the stall where I can see her shoes. She proceeded to inform everyone who came in that "Mommy has diarrhea." FML
Today, I went grocery shopping with my 4-year-old after having some major bathroom issues. As I walked over to get bananas, she yelled out in the middle of the produce section, "DO YOU STILL HAVE DIARRHEA MOMMY?!" FML
Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML
Today, I was hit on by a guy who decided to use the line, "My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in." FML
Today, I was jogging through my neighborhood and then I notice this cute guy running beside me, we stoped and flirted for a while and my mom drove past. She then rolled down the window and said "Honey, you owe me for the dry cleaning on your period pants." FML
Today, I was at my Mandarin teacher's house. I had diarrhoea and had to go to the toilet. My mum texted me while I was still in the toilet saying, "We all heard you". FML
Today, I was driving home when I saw my boyfriend chundering on the side of the road, into an old lady's shopping basket. FML
Today, I was outside when I was suddenly overcome by an intense need to shit. The back door was locked, so I tried to run to the front, but couldn't make it. As I squatted in the bushes, my girlfriend came home unexpectedly. She screamed and called me a sick, disgusting freak. FML
Today, while my nephews got ready for school, my boyfriend walked into the bathroom to ask me if he could accompany us to the bus stop. Unfortunately, I couldn’t hold my diarrhea anymore. As he was asking, I began to loudly relieve myself. He looked at me in shock and just said, “Oh okay, I’ll fuck off now.” FML
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Top comments
MoonyIce 0
Claaaassic. That's too awesome. At least you were only 'about' to flirt with him and hadn't actually started in on it.
justdancebbyx3 7
You should have said to the guy "My love for you is like my mother's diarrhea. It can't be held in."
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Comments (68)
monbon6788 0
...awkward.
justdancebbyx3 7
You should have said to the guy "My love for you is like my mother's diarrhea. It can't be held in."
KumoFF7 3
epic win
Blazekim12 0
hahahaha!!!!! i love tht!!!!
AnaMaree 0
how old is the OP? And if she's still getting driven by her mom she doesn't need to be flirting with random people.
brandonwong 18
nice #12
diovivente 1
Lol! Almost as shitty as the time I inhaled KaySL's ****!
MoonyIce 0
Claaaassic. That's too awesome. At least you were only 'about' to flirt with him and hadn't actually started in on it.
michelleyily 0
is your mom always so open about her bowl movrments? if she is thats kinda disgusting. you should talk to jer about that
discoguru 0
Bowel ?
magnetic_aura 26
That's? Movements? Her? Lot of proofreading to do...
powersmoke 0
Tell her to hold it in and continue flirting with the guy.
alexthecutie 0
#5 you should be but in prison for child abuse!!
thighsofglory 0
Your mom, FTW. You'll move out of her house the first chance you get.
dloc1 0
That is too cool gotta pull that one on my son!!!
robotiick 12
lol if u do u gatta do the expression of holding it in lol trust me it will me hilarious
splitsides 4
I hate when people can't spell embarrassed. It's really not hard.
1030love 10
that's what she said
LASHKEENYA 0
and we all hate faggots like you who make a big deal out of stupid shit like this.
gigi2009 0
about to? your mum's brilliant :)
halliekayy 0
could be worse.she coulda said "hurry, i got the pepto for you so you dont keep killing everyone with your gas!" thatss something my mom would to