The Top

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Adding insult to injury

By Fly my pretty, FLY! - 24/09/2023 20:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, my mom's super spoiled small demon dog attacked my 3 year-old daughter, mauling her leg. Out of instinct, I kicked it away, causing it to fly across the room yelping. I picked up my daughter and took her straight to the hospital, where she got stitches. Later that night, I was greeted with a vet bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 163

You deserved it 162

By CrimsonChin - 26/08/2017 04:30

Today, out of boredom, I decided to clean shave my beard and moustache for the first time in 3 years. My new nickname at work is The Crimson Chin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 285

You deserved it 605

Toxic Managers

By impishsamaritan - 07/09/2019 22:00

Today, I had to pretend in front of our director that my manager is a nice person. In reality, she's a soul-sucking bully who has made my life so miserable that twice I was on the brink of nervous breakdown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 622

You deserved it 343

Handy...

By Handyhusband - 26/10/2017 19:00 - United States

Today, I installed a doggie door at my wife’s grandmother’s house. I was putting the door back on the hinges when I realized I had put it at the very top of the door instead of the bottom. I’m now trying to turn this hole into a window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 362

You deserved it 2 802

Waxing pubical

By Anonymous - 10/10/2019 16:00

Today, I was waxing my legs and somehow dropped an enormous dollop of hot wax on my naked crotch. I refused to yank it off, but still had to cut it off with scissors. So now I have a huge patch of pubic hair way shorter than the rest of it. It looks a right mess FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 053

You deserved it 1 098

Express yourself

By Anonymous - 13/08/2022 12:00

Today, I got home and found my babysitter furious and my 5 year-old exhausted from crying. Normally he chooses to wear Disney princess dresses but today his grandma came for a visit, saw what he was wearing, told him he was bad, and forced him to wear trousers. I’m ready to kill the bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 106

You deserved it 660

Going out of business? It's a matter of life and death!

By Prepper? - 06/12/2017 01:30

Today, the accredited funeral home of my memorial plan is going out of business. Instead of delegating my policy to a different firm, they gave me the package. I now have to take home a land title for where I will be buried, my own coffin, and my headstone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 907

You deserved it 323

By nobabies - 10/12/2017 01:30

Today, I attended my husband's holiday brunch at a company I also used to work for. I was excited to see former coworkers until one raced up, grabbed my belly, and in front of a crowded room, exclaimed, "You're pregnant!" Nope, just older and a bit fatter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 295

You deserved it 495

Does it taste good?

By Oregon - 04/12/2019 18:00

Today, while my boyfriend was fingering me, he accidentally pulled out my NuvaRing, he then licked it off and placed it back inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 897

You deserved it 546

Karma?

By Anonymous - 07/01/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my ass of a husband to be stood me up at the altar. He embarrassed me in front of everyone. It was humiliating. All because apparently he’s now not OK with the mistake I made. Yes, I slept with your father, but don’t say you forgive me then leave me crying in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 2 650

Give Out But Don't Give Up

By Anonymous - 10/03/2020 12:00

Today, my wife told me that I was a 5 on the scale of how well I flirted and romanced her, and that the guy before me was a 9. This was at the kitchen table in front of our kids. They thought it was hilarious, and told me I shouldn’t bother anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 717

You deserved it 201

Charming...

By Anonymous - 01/06/2018 15:00

Today, my toddler is starting to realize when she has a dirty diaper. How do I know? She walked up to me with a shit covered hand, saying "Poop Mommy! Poop!!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 396

You deserved it 409

By HotelNA614 - 01/06/2018 20:30 - United States - Mason

Today, while working at a hotel, I had a guest return his room key in my hands for once instead of throwing it on the counter. Progress, right? Except that it was covered in snot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 678

You deserved it 222

Happy birthday?

By Not really - 19/07/2018 15:00

Today, I picked up a birthday card for my dad at the supermarket in a mad rush. I didn’t realise that the inside said “From your daughter”. He thinks this was my way of coming out as trans, and said that he'd suspected it for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 423

You deserved it 1 060

Excuse you?

By done - 07/08/2018 20:30 - United States - North Las Vegas

Today, after spending years volunteering at community theatres and being accepted into a prestigious university for theatrical design, my public high school gave me a scholarship. All my mother could say was, "I'm sorry they wasted their money on you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 303

You deserved it 214

By Wethousennofun - 23/08/2018 03:30 - United Kingdom - Walsall

Today, my house flooded for the third time in two years. The first time was a blocked toilet, the second a blocked sink. This time nothing appears blocked, but that hasn’t stopped it turning my kitchen into a giant puddle. I’m probably gonna get evicted this time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 545

You deserved it 247

By Anonymous - 28/08/2018 03:30 - United States - Compton

Today, I was at a pool party with my friends. I really had to pass gas so I moved a bit from the group and let it rip. Instead of bubbles surfacing a brown cloud of poo rose instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 579

You deserved it 3 259

Devil parents

By Pandaling - 26/01/2020 05:00 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my mother-in-law said: "People who don't have kids are children of the devil." I'm infertile, she knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 808

You deserved it 143

By Anonymous - 12/10/2018 14:00

Today, I was at the park and needed to take a piss really badly. I opened my car door and stood to pee, but good old Mother Nature ran by and the wind blew it all into my car. My entire driver side smells like pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 122

You deserved it 3 885

By misc - 10/02/2009 23:06 - United States

Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room. She had my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 554 118

You deserved it 47 105

Kick the bum out

By SleeplessinNJ - 20/10/2020 23:02 - United States - Raritan

Today, after spending money on all the furniture and decor in our apartment, paying rent every month from my bank account, paying for all the groceries, and paying for all the dog supplies, my fiance asked why I don't keep saving thousands of dollars every month, while he pays for none of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 178

You deserved it 472

By horribleevening - 31/01/2019 12:00 - Australia - Hornsby

Today, my wife was sitting next to me surrounded by friends and she decided to start looking up the man that she had an affair on Facebook on her phone - all while I am sitting right next to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 631

You deserved it 285

Hello there

By My eyes were on the prize - 12/03/2017 00:00

Today, at work, the most handsome guy walked in. Starstruck, I went to greet him and then take him to the owner's office, only to promptly walk really hard into the corner of the door frame, smacking my forehead. I have a massive bruise and my boss won't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 192

You deserved it 1 140

Ed Gein vibes

By emeraldapostle - 17/05/2019 01:59

Today, both a coworker of mine and my boss agreed that I fit the profile of a serial killer. I don't know what's worse, the fact that they think that low of me, or the fact that this isn't the first time someone's said I remind them of a serial killer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 792

You deserved it 292

Proud dad

By Sandra - 21/01/2021 11:01

Today, my husband, who is proud of his 155 IQ, is depressed our son is becoming a typical football jock with an IQ only just into the triple digits. He even thinks I must have had an affair, because no way could someone as smart as him have produced such a blockhead with tattoos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 371

You deserved it 233

Here in my car, I feel safest of all

By Geric Brawner - 12/05/2017 22:00

Today, my car broke down in traffic. It's okay though, everyone honked in support while I moved my vehicle from the busy intersection. Only the third time this month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 659

You deserved it 1 031

Better call Saul

By Anonymous - 19/07/2023 00:02

Today, while I was asleep, my girlfriend squirted a tiny amount of “mild” hot sauce up my pee hole. In an area that sensitive there's no such thing as fucking mild. I’ve had two days off work already because it stings, and I cry every time I have to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 536

You deserved it 203

By Anonymous - 18/06/2017 16:00

Today, I went to fetch our bins after they were collected, only to scare the child that was trying to fit inside our compost bin. Apparently, she's not allowed to play in hers because she already broke two by doing this. These bins are $75 a piece. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 535

You deserved it 331

By Anonymous - 18/07/2019 18:00

Today, I asked my wife who she would choose, me or the dog. She chose the dog. No hesitation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 355

You deserved it 1 007

By anonymous - 25/10/2016 04:29 - United States - Chagrin Falls

Today, I got a citation from my landlord because my puppy couldn't make it to the grass and peed in the shrubs. Later in the evening, I got a citation that my music was too loud. Until I'd submitted my 30-day notice yesterday, no one ever had a problem with me FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 661

You deserved it 784

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The Top

Today, my ex-boyfriend called me. I was really excited, thinking he wanted to get back together. He just wanted to get back the Christmas present he gave me before we broke up so that he could return it for cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 348

You deserved it 1 038

Today, my grandma told everyone I'm using steroids and amphetamines, all because she mistook my protein powder and vitamin pills for drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 948

You deserved it 1 039

Today, I was trying to go for number 2 while drying my hair so that my boy friend won't hear me do it. The lock on the door was broken, and he saw how good I am at multitasking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 225

You deserved it 2 743

Today, I found out that every time my boyfriend has cutely joked about my clothes not matching while we're just lounging around the house, he's really been hoping I would catch on that he thinks I look like a slob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 096

You deserved it 3 773

Today, I found a crying little kid alone in a park. I walked around with him for a bit to try to find his parents. When I found his dad, all he did was take the kid and menacingly leer at me until I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 531

You deserved it 1 374

Today, while I was on a second date with this guy, my roommate tried calling me and I ignored her. After dinner my date brought me back to my apartment and there was a waterfall gushing down from the balcony above our apartment. The guys above us had started a fire and our apartment was flooded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 140

You deserved it 6 651