Today, I took my mum on the London Underground. We were standing on the platform, when she suddenly bought up a load of phlegm in her mouth. Instead of trying to find a bin, she just full on spat out the biggest green pile on the floor next to people. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was sitting on the bus when a large woman with what seemed like the flu came to sit beside me. After snorting hideously for five minutes, she picked up her scarf, blew her nose into it, and dropped it. It fell on my lap. When I stood up to leave the bus, there were streaks of snot on my new skirt. FML
Today, I went to the mall with my mum. She had a few too many drinks the night before. As soon as we got into the mall, she puked. She walked around the mall with me, blowing chunks into a plastic bag. FML
Today, I was helping an old lady at my job. While I was in mid-sentence, she coughed wet phlegm directly into my mouth. It tasted vile and caused me to have a panic attack while working. FML
Today, a mother and son were in my office. The kid wasn't feeling well and threw up. Mom covered his mouth with her hand, creating a vomit nozzle and covering me in puke. She yelled that I deserved to be sprayed on because I was not quick enough in getting a bucket for her son. FML
Today, I threw up on the subway. Luckily, because I hadn’t eaten all week, it was just the seven pints of beer I'd had previously chugged. FML
Today, I was on a train when I felt the unsettling urge to vomit. I ran to the toilet, but there was someone in there, with another waiting in the corridor. Out of time, and luck, I projectile-vomited into a bin built into the wall. The man waiting for the toilet looked truly traumatised. FML
Today, I was on a standing on a crowded bus going home after school. A wriggling 5 year old boy and his mum left the seat to get off the bus. Since no one looked keen to sit on the seat, I did, only to find out that it was covered in pee. FML
Today, some woman, sick with god knows what, didn’t vomit into the bin next to my car, or even just onto the floor, she lurched over to my car and vomited through my open window onto my shirt and legs, and down into the footwell. I can still smell it. FML
Today, while I was on the up escalator, a small woman in front of me farted directly into my face. FML
Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML
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Top comments
cheesebond 29
Better out than in I always say eh Fiona?
RichardPencil 32
You can bring the redneck out of the country, but you can't bring the country out of the redneck!
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Comments (6)
cheesebond 29
Better out than in I always say eh Fiona?
Mungolikecandy 19
Spitting that stuff into a bin is pretty nasty also.
BigSissy 14
What would you expect her to do, swallow it?
RichardPencil 32
You can bring the redneck out of the country, but you can't bring the country out of the redneck!
Mark W. Noonan_969479943 5
Sounds like Something my Dad would do. Except his was the AIR HANKY 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢
Razell 13
Did you tell her that's disgusting and hand her a napkin to clean it up with?
shugberry 6
Didn’t have a napkin! But I did tell her 😅