Today, the office I work at put up a "No Masturbating at Desks" sign. I'm disappointed by this, not because I usually whack off at my desk, but because enough people do that there needs to be a sign against it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to explain to my boss that masturbating in public is inappropriate. This isn't the first time this has taken place. FML
Today, after coming home from a long day at work, I found out that in a house full of five adults, some rules still need to be set. The newest addition to the rules? No watching porn and jerking off in the living room. FML
Today, I put signs up in the lifts at work with my name and desk phone number as the contact in case the lifts break down. I work in IT so there are hundreds of men in the building. Someone has already drawn a very wonky heart next to my name. FML
Today, at work, I received an email telling me that viewing porn websites was prohibited and was a good enough reason to fire me. FML
Today, I was accused of masturbating during work. I was actually just getting something out of my pocket. FML
Today, I got incredibly horny at work. No one was in the office, so I spread out on my yoga mat and started to masturbate. All of the sudden, I heard a forklift outside. I quickly tried to hide, but I think the construction worker caught me. He’ll be working here all month. FML
Today, I caught my coworker masturbating in the bathroom. This was during her shift, while I was mopping the bathroom floors. FML
Today, it’s been so long since I got laid, I decided to rub one out in the office bathroom. I did it twice (morning/afternoon), and both times, there were two different guys clearly doing the same thing. The downstairs office bathroom is apparently a pit of desperation. FML
Today, I walked into the restroom at work, only to find my boss stroking and playing with himself. I have my annual performance assessment with him in an hour. FML
Today, to my delight I discover that there is security camera in the storage room at my work. The same room where, two days ago I masturbated. FML
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Top comments
jdall2me 3
Hard times man
alicette_fml 12
I feel bad for the guy that got caught doing it xD
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Comments (85)
99megster 15
Damnit, OP's from Canada. I swear we're not all freaks who ********** at work...
Dracoboxer357 36
29- Unfortunately, I can think of at least one of my co-workers here in friendly Winnipeg, Manitoba that has. ;( Ick. Not too surprising I guess. I once read 98% of people ********** and 2% lie and say they don't. ;) Considering you're at work half the time you're conscious, up to 49% of your co-workers may have done exactly that there. ;P
Tiwuz 19
Actually, I think its more around 80%, I doubt EVERYONE in the world masturbates... lying about it would be pointless then. :)
Dracoboxer357 36
69- 80% of people may habitually **********, I was thinking more that virtually everyone has masturbated at least Once in their lives. Still, your 80% stat would be more relevant to my point.....so 40% of people May self stimulate at work.....not a small percentage, as for every 5 people you shake hands with, 4 used that hand to "shake themselves." ;)
Ugi 27
Draco' - your numbers assume that people are equally likely to ********** during the entire period that they are awake. I suspect that, in reality, if you compared the chances of doing so when, for example, "alone in the house" against "on a crowded subway train" you would find a marked difference. Being awake is not a sufficient condition for most people to consider masturbation appropriate. For most, "at work" is also a no-go.
Dracoboxer357 36
^ Ugi, my numbers are also extremely sckewed to favour the worst case scenario. I very much suspect most people think masturbating at work is taboo, as despite all the FML's about people trying to blow themselves on subways or on omegle, or bosses fapping in restrooms or putting signs against fapping at work, it's probably far less than 1% that actually do. :)
ddddddddg 9
Funny because the boss must've walked in on people doing it
Dracoboxer357 36
31- Funnier yet if this Op was the same one who wrote in a week ago about walking in on his boss cranking his meat in the restroom, right before his job performance review. I imagine the signs came up right afterwards so the boss didn't feel singled out himself. :P Probably not, but one can hope. ;)
goodgood_fml 5
Where do you work? Are they hiring?
spuzak 0
That's gross.
LaughterofCorn 4
Sounds like there needs to be a crackdown of sorts in your office. Hopefully they don't catch them midway if they decide to do so.
Plumbob243 3
WTF ?? Where the hell are you working?!
Dracoboxer357 36
40- At a daycare facility.....why do you ask? ;p (God that joke was horrible, someone beat me, please.) :p
RedPillSucks 33
At the local taco bell.
Rodders_SOTC 1
This has to be BS. I am pretty sure masturbating at your desk is a sackable offence, and an arrestable one. Why would people do that in public? No way. Can't be true.
NostalgiaFreak9 43
You'd be surprised at what some people are willing to do in public.
gmc_blossom 21
Aw, come on! We've all masturbated at work before! It's a common work-related activity. Why do it in the privacy of your own home when you can do it with a potential audience? Fun times can be had for all involved. Plus, who knows? If your boss likes what they see, you may get a promotion! Maybe it will become a ritual. What was once known as "break time" now becomes a great masturbation circle of some sort. Whoever orgasms first gets a raise!
Equin0x 0
Where would they ****, and what's wrong with using the toilet?
mrsmaglietta 6
wow where do you work?