Today, the office I work at put up a "No Masturbating at Desks" sign. I'm disappointed by this, not because I usually whack off at my desk, but because enough people do that there needs to be a sign against it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to explain to my boss that masturbating in public is inappropriate. This isn't the first time this has taken place. FML
Today, after coming home from a long day at work, I found out that in a house full of five adults, some rules still need to be set. The newest addition to the rules? No watching porn and jerking off in the living room. FML
Today, I put signs up in the lifts at work with my name and desk phone number as the contact in case the lifts break down. I work in IT so there are hundreds of men in the building. Someone has already drawn a very wonky heart next to my name. FML
Today, at work, I received an email telling me that viewing porn websites was prohibited and was a good enough reason to fire me. FML
Today, I was accused of masturbating during work. I was actually just getting something out of my pocket. FML
Today, I got incredibly horny at work. No one was in the office, so I spread out on my yoga mat and started to masturbate. All of the sudden, I heard a forklift outside. I quickly tried to hide, but I think the construction worker caught me. He’ll be working here all month. FML
Today, I caught my coworker masturbating in the bathroom. This was during her shift, while I was mopping the bathroom floors. FML
Today, it’s been so long since I got laid, I decided to rub one out in the office bathroom. I did it twice (morning/afternoon), and both times, there were two different guys clearly doing the same thing. The downstairs office bathroom is apparently a pit of desperation. FML
Today, I walked into the restroom at work, only to find my boss stroking and playing with himself. I have my annual performance assessment with him in an hour. FML
Today, to my delight I discover that there is security camera in the storage room at my work. The same room where, two days ago I masturbated. FML
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Top comments
jdall2me 3
Hard times man
alicette_fml 12
I feel bad for the guy that got caught doing it xD
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Comments (85)
spaboolly 26
I guess they don't want their employees dicking around. Now get back to work!
annagilbert 6
remember not to shake anybodys hand!
alexa9510 1
You would think that would warrant a firing
zandalee 20
They probably enjoyed the free entertainment by watching sneeky video footage of the employees for the last few years, then it just got old...
perdix 31
You're probably mad that you didn't choke the chicken more often while it still was allowed! Now, any work area without a "No Masturbating at Desks" sign can be considered a desk-wank-friendly zone.
Dracoboxer357 36
21- Considering what no smoking signs look like with, I'm thinking what That sign would appear as, especially if you wanted to include both genders in this rule.... A chicken being throttled with a slash through it? A squirting penis with the slash? A stick man with his hands in his pants and a stupid little grin slashed out? Megan Fox in a thought bubble slashed out? ;P Too many options, none quite good enough.....
RedPillSucks 33
OP works for PETA and the sign is actually a picture of someone choking a chicken, with the circle and slash.
vocaloidtiger 12
41 ~ Or the sign could just say plain and clear: "NO MASTURBATING AT YOUR DESK". But, okay. Whatever works for you.
xLithiumFlower 1
So wait it's fine if only you do it?..
laden_swallow09 35
Reading comprehension. Use it.
perdix 31
So, how are you supposed to be able to handle the work load?
zandalee 20
With copious amounts of lotion
DCvRkey2012 7
I dont know, but the work load is too much for me to handle today.
PamChopsWithMint 5
Or someone figured you were doing it and they didn't want to single you out..
curlyfry33 8
Fact: One in every six men have masturbated and not washed their hands before shaking your hand.
celine21_fml 0
Ok what I don't understand is, why are people saying you deserved it?? Why is there even that stupid button??
perdix 31
Read the story carefully. The operative word is "usually." This implies that the OP at least occasionally masturbates at his desk. Hence, the YDI option being valid and not "stupid."
GVirdi 11
27 I just had to point out on your profile it's supposed to be "their spelling" not "there spelling"
mmorgan9218 5
oh and you put 'to' when it's supposed to say 'too'
blubberfish 10
It's also supposed to be stories, not story's. Just putting that out there
gmc_blossom 21
I'd like to add that "anyway" should be one word.
shoopd 19
And a comma after "in other words".
laden_swallow09 35
33- No, the "usually" used here implies that he doesn't spank it at his desk at all and saves it for more appropriate places like his own home bathroom and the like, but it's apparently the norm for his coworkers to do so at their desks.
misspulkadot24 17
Perhaps a comma after arguments?
bunny911 16
Don't even get me started on the lack of punctuation and the run-on sentences.
MyV6Thunderbird 1
Where in the user agreement to fml does it say anything about using proper grammar when commenting?
Sirin_fml 47
It's between the lines that say, "Remember to shower every day." and "Look both ways before crossing the road."
MyV6Thunderbird 1
I do neither
MyV6Thunderbird 1
So... It doesn't, is what your saying right?
CoffeeChickBlows 13
HAHA, illiterate people these days. : D
vocaloidtiger 12
51 ~ Aren't you the person who criticized me for correcting someone's grammar on another comment? ... Hypocrites ...
gmc_blossom 21
143- I'm not going to try and defend myself by denying it. I probably did. I think I remember, actually. It was an error that was so minor that even I wouldn't have felt the urge to correct it, if I remember correctly. I wasn't trying to be a hypocrite. I just honestly felt that correcting the person was unnecessary at that moment.
wildsweetchild 19
So...why are you disappointed? Your faith in humanity just have been shaken or you wish you've done it too before the sign was put up? If it had nothing to do with you, it had nothing to do with you...it's their FML, not yours...