Today, I was accused of masturbating during work. I was actually just getting something out of my pocket. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got caught masturbating, twice, by the same person. FML
Today, I went over to talk to my boss. I must have snuck up on her because she was masturbating through her pants. She stopped and I had to chat away, pretending I didn't notice. FML
Today, I caught my coworker masturbating in the bathroom. This was during her shift, while I was mopping the bathroom floors. FML
Today, I had to explain to my boss that masturbating in public is inappropriate. This isn't the first time this has taken place. FML
Today, I got incredibly horny at work. No one was in the office, so I spread out on my yoga mat and started to masturbate. All of the sudden, I heard a forklift outside. I quickly tried to hide, but I think the construction worker caught me. He’ll be working here all month. FML
Today, I was so inexplicably horny that I had to shuffle awkwardly and use my bag to hide the wetness of my pants as I left work for the day. FML
Today, I was in the restroom at work, snickering at some funny stories on my phone while I took a dump. Little did I know that the asshole in the next stall would report me to our boss, claiming he'd heard weird noises, then looked over the divider and witnessed me jacking off to porn. FML
Today, I was carrying a stack of paperwork at work, when my pen rolled off and onto the floor. As soon as I bent down to pick it up, a nearby co-worker, who's always hated me, accused me of putting on a show and sexually harassing him. He actually followed up by reporting me to HR. FML
Today, I got into trouble for sleeping at work. FML
Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying he needed me to bail him out of jail. The crime? Masturbating in public. FML
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Top comments
supimnyancat 9
Sure you were.
j_cat187 20
Umm yea let me just get my.... Umm hold on a sec...almost done. O wait, my pen is in my shirt pocket. How embarrassing.
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Comments (91)
supimnyancat 9
Sure you were.
HeavyScout 0
"It's just a pack of gum!"
paintingxflowers 8
This reminds me of The Office. "What's in your pocket?" "A Chunky."
ariannaimelda 7
Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
enonymous 9
Was it a hot pocket? Pro tip: don't put a heated hot pocket in your pants... No matter how much they claim it's made for the pocket your penis will get 2nd degree burns from the cheese.
Uncle_Moe_Lester 3
15 sounds like you learned that the hard way
WaSiSimiLang 8
...So why is there a fresh stain in the middle of your pants?
absolutegrrr 7
Jeez you must come pretty quickly then...
nublets 12
Didn't you tell them you got you're new pocket sports game and you were just finishing level 1?
samatoulai 0
Did you try that?
babybrunette128 8
Sure op, " just getting something out of your pocket ". Sure sure that's what they all say
HomeAl0ne 20
Worse if it's a piss soaked candy bar and you therefore can't show them what you were actually doing.
Zeek63 0
So that is what the cool kids are calling it these days?
seldom66 16
Op- it took you 20 minutes to get something out of your pocket...?
emmaa3451 11
Wtf haha. What do you put in your pockets.. O.o
HeavyScout 0
Cell phones, wallets, keys, etc...
number0 8
Just my penis.
False_Stupidity 42
Duh!, I put my hands in my pockets...
fgwrxfiend 11
trouser snake??
DerekBlaskie 6
He failed to mention for how long and in what angry fashion he was getting something out of his pockets.. ;] we've all been that desperate at one point in life op no need to be embarrassed.
pinkp909 8
Awk..
HeavyScout 0
Chirp..
hilary56 0
Ward.
xxGheTToGumbYxx 16
Awkchirpward
iam_yummylicious 12
Thanks for that 48 (and others), LOL. I will now be saying awkchirpward from now on.
j_cat187 20
Umm yea let me just get my.... Umm hold on a sec...almost done. O wait, my pen is in my shirt pocket. How embarrassing.
Mercedes16 7
Of corse you were .
Poetaster 10
Course?
Mercedes16 7
My bad . That was a typo .
warsun 27
...
mrahhhhh 21
I've got something in my front pocket for you. Why don't you reach down in my pocket and see what it is? Then grab onto it, it's just for you. Give a little squeeze and say: "How do you do?" There's something in my front pocket... There's something in my front pocket... There's something in my front pocket!
FYLDeep 26
I tap dance so hard to that song.
ollie179 21
I'll just get my pencil from my pocket... EWW you sicko!
kindgremlin 5
Totally off topic, but Bridport Dorset is beautiful, too bad I've only seen photos.
SilentTreatment 7
Yeah!!! Playin a quick game of 8 ball corner pocket! ;D
Poetaster 10
Did it come -Out?