Today, I walked into the restroom at work, only to find my boss stroking and playing with himself. I have my annual performance assessment with him in an hour. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I walked into the bathroom at work, and in the stall next to me I could hear someone pleasuring himself. I decided to let my boss know what was going on, but it turns out that it was my boss in the stall next to me. FML
Today, I heard a man pleasuring himself in the stall next to me during my post lunch deuce. I was washing my hands when my boss walked out of the stall. I can no longer look at him in the face. FML
Today, I walked into the ladies' bathroom to find my male boss taking a dump with the stall door wide open. FML
Today, I walked in on one of my co-workers jerking off in the bathroom, complete with heavy breathing and victory groans. I don't want to go to HR, but I can't even look at him anymore. We have to work on a project together next week. FML
Today, I walked into the restroom at work to see my boss standing at the urinal, pissing like a toddler. He had his pants around his ankles, ass fully exposed. Now I'm never going to be able to take anything he says seriously. FML
Today, I walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room of our restaurant. I pretended I didn't see him and quickly closed the door. About five minutes later, he came out, cupped my face in his hands and told me I was getting promoted. I'm happy, but scarred for life. FML
Today, I was in the restroom at work, snickering at some funny stories on my phone while I took a dump. Little did I know that the asshole in the next stall would report me to our boss, claiming he'd heard weird noises, then looked over the divider and witnessed me jacking off to porn. FML
Today, I went to take a shit and found my boss shaving in the toilet. While in the cubicle, he asked me about my work and the conversation lasted 15 minutes. I stayed in there even though I'd finished shitting after 5 minutes, during which 3 people heard my progress report while shitting next to me. FML
Today, my boyfriend, who is also my boss, was giving me a blowjob at work. Halfway through, his boss knocked on the door and I had to quickly get dressed and slip out the other door. After leaving, I realized that I was still barefoot and I had to walk back to my desk in front of my colleagues. FML
Today, I caught my coworker masturbating in the bathroom. This was during her shift, while I was mopping the bathroom floors. FML
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Top comments
MolesterStallone 13
Sounds like he was doing his own performance assessment!
Icejza_DaChilla 7
*sniff sniff* What's that smell..? It smells like blackmail to me!
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Comments (172)
MolesterStallone 13
Sounds like he was doing his own performance assessment!
hama806 19
Maybe now he'll be in a good mood for your evaluation. Score!
enriquepp 4
Blackmail? Haha never have to worry about getting fired again
dhall30 8
Blackmailing him would easily be grounds for firing you 35.
thgiL 9
35 - and it's illegal...
evilplatypus 39
And really hard to prove. You could say that about anyone, doesn't need to be true.
Legendoflaw 4
Made me laugh. Don't worry about the douches... Keep your sense of humor.
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
1- I don't respect your picture
starflyer59 17
I'm thinking OP should help him finish so they'll get good marks on their assessment :D
MolesterStallone 13
109- I don't care.
esines 9
Something about your name and your profile pic disturbs me..
lms1997 3
Your picture is quite disturbing as well...
MelTheGreat 23
Disturbing. Hopefully he AT LEAST washes his hands.
Sandsh8rk 36
Most people don't wash their hands after they wank...
MistySky 17
Then hope OP avoided the handshake...
evilplatypus 39
61 - Do you regularly poll people on their masturbation habits? Or do you just assume everyone has your same hygiene practices?
Shadomasta 5
To be fair, I don't. That is, unless I get some on my hand. -shrug-
IIFenix 3
Then you 104 should never shake anyone's hand ever again...
klovely22 13
104- Or touch anything another person will touch. Just to be safe, you should probably keep your hands in your pockets. Indefinitely.
ChrisTheCalm 9
Damn 104, you broke the doctrine of being a man, Rule 6: never admit to choking the chicken.
Icejza_DaChilla 7
*sniff sniff* What's that smell..? It smells like blackmail to me!
s3cr3t 4
No that's just semen.
rattusrattus 19
You'd be surprised how often sexual fluids and blackmail smell the same.
ekb777 13
They smell the same because they are the same
NeedSomeLogic 7
Yeah, was gping to say that too but i guess i have been beaten to the punch.
Tezoma 28
Or the toilets. It is a restroom, after all.
jose1760 1
Did you offer him some help?
theslimshadylp 6
I bet you he didn't.
howdeedoo 22
And why would OP want to do that?
djgoreo 12
LOLOLOL OP'S A DUDE
sayhey22 19
And dudes can't like dudes...?
efynsien 1
Before we get into a comment war, let me point out that most people are straight. Nothings wrong with homosexuality, so everyone relax
weallfml 3
Crisis averted Well done
Dracoboxer357 36
Genders, sexual preferences and sarcasm aside, I still don't see how offering a hand would be any more appropriate than masturbating at work is in the first place. :p Not everyone wants to shit where they eat, so to speak. :P
SirEskimo 13
Would have done wonders for his assessment, though.
K_STR2234 6
All you f*cks on FML take everything to literally. I'm sure if he offered to help he would have gotten a GREAT review, or fired.
slurshies 11
*too (only the first one, the second one is fine)
greg84_fml 21
If you play your cards right, you can come out ahead.
BradTheBrony 19
The boss was already cumming out his head. HEY-OH! *cricket chirps*
zandalee 20
...tumbleweed blows by
Osito2011 9
Op should of asked if he could lend a hand!
TourettesGuyFTW 26
I think the boss already came out ahead.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Do you like what I did there? How I repeated a joke/pun, but edited it slightly?! NO? Then stop doing it yourselves. You know who you are.
theslimshadylp 6
Don't give him a handshake for God's sake.
dansythomas 6
Hey at least he will be in a good mood!
fallenangel72 7
You look cool hmu
Psych101 9
96- If you're talking to 6, I'm 99% sure that picture is not him. If it is him, then he looks almost exactly like Eminem.
theslimshadylp 6
99 what are you talking about?
Psych101 9
There was an earlier comment that got deleted... Now I just look like an idiot.
jose1760 1
Lol
Disobey_fml 13
Fistbump is the thing!
Helloilike_lacro 8
Maybe you should have knocked?
MolesterStallone 13
Last time I checked you don't knock to go into a public restroom...
SenselessPattern 12
Unfortunately, the FML doesn't say its a public restroom. On the other hand, if it was a single toilet bathroom, why did he not lock the door at least? Something besides OP's boss's penis is up with this story.
livamour 17
Why wouldn't he at least do it in a stall?
hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14
maybe op heard the fapping?
keepingitnasty 15
Guess who's getting a raise?
heilheather 7
His penis
StrangeDuckling 9
YOUR POOR POOR EYES!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!! No really, I feel sorry for you... Good Luck!!
StrangeDuckling 9
Not sure what wrong with this comment... 0_-
ceccles628 6
Well, review HIS performance.
klovemachine 24
0 stars :O