Today, the office I work at put up a "No Masturbating at Desks" sign. I'm disappointed by this, not because I usually whack off at my desk, but because enough people do that there needs to be a sign against it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to explain to my boss that masturbating in public is inappropriate. This isn't the first time this has taken place. FML
Today, after coming home from a long day at work, I found out that in a house full of five adults, some rules still need to be set. The newest addition to the rules? No watching porn and jerking off in the living room. FML
Today, I put signs up in the lifts at work with my name and desk phone number as the contact in case the lifts break down. I work in IT so there are hundreds of men in the building. Someone has already drawn a very wonky heart next to my name. FML
Today, at work, I received an email telling me that viewing porn websites was prohibited and was a good enough reason to fire me. FML
Today, I was accused of masturbating during work. I was actually just getting something out of my pocket. FML
Today, I got incredibly horny at work. No one was in the office, so I spread out on my yoga mat and started to masturbate. All of the sudden, I heard a forklift outside. I quickly tried to hide, but I think the construction worker caught me. He’ll be working here all month. FML
Today, I caught my coworker masturbating in the bathroom. This was during her shift, while I was mopping the bathroom floors. FML
Today, it’s been so long since I got laid, I decided to rub one out in the office bathroom. I did it twice (morning/afternoon), and both times, there were two different guys clearly doing the same thing. The downstairs office bathroom is apparently a pit of desperation. FML
Today, I walked into the restroom at work, only to find my boss stroking and playing with himself. I have my annual performance assessment with him in an hour. FML
Today, to my delight I discover that there is security camera in the storage room at my work. The same room where, two days ago I masturbated. FML
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Top comments
jdall2me 3
Hard times man
alicette_fml 12
I feel bad for the guy that got caught doing it xD
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Comments (85)
davek 36
It's probably a joke sign, like the one about masturbating in the showers that has done the rounds in many universities.
Lisa1993_fml 1
Grow up! What kind of company would allow that at all??
StaceyMichelle 5
Or maybe you're the only one and the sign was put up just for you
ardencred 7
oh good! For a second I was worried that they put the sign in the break room
vetgrl 2
I like how you use the quantifier "don't usually" to denote how often you have done this. As in not "never". Gross. It's work.
andrewcollins 8
This isn't grammar class stfu
Ugi 27
I think you'll find it was done for comic effect without any implication that the OP has actually ever done so.
KiddNYC1O 22
Couldn't have said it better myself.
CrowBlackDream86 0
You don't -usually- whack off at work? Is it a once in a blue moon thing?
twinkiefeets 17
Where the **** do you work!!!
seanc722 2
I think 1 person is enough to have a sign put up.
AGRAT_fml 0
If they had one of those where I work, I would quit.
Ugi 27
You _really_ can't wait until the end of the day?