What am I like?
Today, I realized that the drunk-me deletes my texts, so the sober-me doesn't get mad. Well turns out, whatever the drunk-me said, caused me to lose my job, my girlfriend, and my coffee machine. FML
Today, I realized that the drunk-me deletes my texts, so the sober-me doesn't get mad. Well turns out, whatever the drunk-me said, caused me to lose my job, my girlfriend, and my coffee machine. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I learned that while most people drunk text, I drunk clean. And by drunk clean I mean put my things away where I won't be able to find them, like my car keys. FML
Today, I read through my phone, hoping there weren't any drunk texts by me from the night before. Apparently I dirty texted everyone, even my boss. FML
Today, after drunk texting a girl the night before, I sent her a message saying I was sorry for everything I said. All she could say back? "Those were some of the most normal drunk texts I have ever read. I'd hate to see how boring you'd be sober." FML
Today, I got this beautiful girl's number at a bar. After the night was over, I was pretty drunk and sent too many drunk Snapchats. When I'd sobered up, I deleted them. She asked why I deleted them, so I said because I was drunk and didn't remember what I sent. She hasn't messaged me back since. FML
Today, my boss mistakenly drunk-texted me and was talking shit about me. FML
Today, I found out that the dream in which I drunkenly phoned my boss and called him a "fat useless piece of shit" actually did happen. I woke up to 10 missed calls and 5 angry texts stating I was fired. FML
Today, I went to work completely hung over. I was at my desk for 5 minutes before security threw me out on my ass. Apparently, I’m hung over because I got fired yesterday and got blackout drunk, completely forgetting that I had been fired. FML
Today, I accidentally fell asleep at work after working a 12-hour shift. Instead of waking me up, my coworkers spiked my coffee mug with whiskey and told my boss I was drunk. My boss wouldn't even listen to my side of the story and fired me. FML
Today, I realized that the only time my girlfriend ever calls me is when she's drunk. FML
Today, I learned that drunk me from last night is apparently great at flirting. She also apparently flirted her way to a free bottle of white wine, only to shatter it on the kitchen floor at 2 a.m. How did I find out? Three words: glass in foot. FML
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Top comments
qwertyone 0
Drunk you or not it was still you. You are responsible for what you do drunk and you chose to drink in the first place. I hope the "drunk you" doesn't drive.
nazooer 11
Bahahahhahaha... Don't drink so much
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Comments (175)
crackberrie 0
i like the way your drunk-self thinks! hahha but seriously.. maybe put the drink down a bit more often....?
ktho522 0
Don't get drunk. There is no reason to.
hornetchik 0
But getting drunk is fuuunnnn. Well, atleast to the tipsy part, but if you can't handle your alcohol, then you don't deserve it. But everyone whos saying YDI for drinking is strange, drinking is fun and social, and tastes good! There IS a point when you should stop, but its you're own fault if you don't know when that is. I ******* love getting on the piss, but ive never done anything like this, and if I did, I would take full responsibility for it.
Eros_fml 0
you're and idiot. Drinking is a social norm
letitbe56 0
Right, as long as it's a social norm we can't criticize it.
janise 2
Drinking in moderation is a social norm. Drinking to the point of not remembering what you did the night before is alcoholism.
ktho522 0
You're obviously a teenager. Grow up.
hornetchik 0
I'm assuming this is aimed at me? I'm 19, and in my opinion, no longer a teenager. I've been drinking since I was 15, and while I USED to drink to get drunk, I'm a bit past that now. I love drinking wine, and sometimes a cold Corona on a hot day. Its a great way to relax, and have a yarn away to friends etc. I dislike pathetic little teenagers who drink lollie-water and get maggoted off 3 or 4 drinks, but I guess I used to be one. Please don't assume I'm a stupid teenager who needs to grow up, just because I like to drink. I live in New Zealand, and its the norm here really, but in saying that, I don't think its a good thing! I'm just saying, in America or wherever, a 19 year old might be a stupid immature teenager who can't handle alcohol, but it is definitely NOT the same here.
fireandice27 0
I'm also 19, and I think people who get drunk are idiots. Unfortunately my country's culture (Australia) with regards to alcohol is 'drink until you get drunk.' Yes, I like the taste of alcohol and I don't have a problem with drinking but at least I'm smart enough to know when enough is enough, and I have a pretty poor opinion of those who just aim to get trashed. There is nothing worse than seeing all of those girls throwing up all over the streets and their dresses after clubbing - it's not classy at all. So yeah, basically I agree with ktho522 and think that there is no reason to get drunk. If you really need it to get tipsy so you feel great and are relaxed in a social situation, then that doesn't say much about your own interpersonal skills does it? But basically, if you want to get drunk it's your life and your health that you are risking. It's your choice. But how I think of you is also my choice, and I will think you're an idiot.
hornetchik 0
I agree with some of what you say. Young girls (AND guys) getting trashed, spewing and yelling abuse is disgusting, and I also have a pretty poor opinion of them. I DO, however, enjoy people who are laid back, like to have a good drink and be social. If that means getting a little bit tipsy, then so be it. If it eventually turns to getting DRUNK, while its their own fault, they made the decision. Its the people that go out and AIM to get drunk that bother me. Personally, I've only been drunk three times in my life, and none of them were particularly pleasant, but having a few glasses of wine and getting a wee bit happy, in my opinion, it IS fun. In the case of the OP here, he obviously went too far, and that is not something I find ok, so yep, he does deserve it. I just get a little irritated when everyone is ripping into him about drinking, when its only the amount that he should be ashamed about.
blland 0
easy! by throwing it :D
lametroll 0
So don't get drunk. There's gotta be a point where you realise this.
TrillianMcRed 0
Haha.. That's so cute.. I do that too :)
dana212121 0
http://vampirefreaks.com/?r=3543133
ohmygoodnex 0
Oh, god.. not the coffee... ****, i'm so sorry., FYL so hard.
noidea_fml 3
that sucks... about the coffee machine i mean. now you cant beat the hangover!
lacho95 4
i laughed so hard
leushqua 2
i almost died laughing :)