Today, I read through my phone, hoping there weren't any drunk texts by me from the night before. Apparently I dirty texted everyone, even my boss. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boss mistakenly drunk-texted me and was talking shit about me. FML
Today, I had an argument with my boss and tried to text a friend about it. I accidentally texted my boss instead. FML
Today, I found out that the dream in which I drunkenly phoned my boss and called him a "fat useless piece of shit" actually did happen. I woke up to 10 missed calls and 5 angry texts stating I was fired. FML
Today, I accidentally sent a text message meant for my best friend to my boss. The text was about how much I hated my job and my boss's constant micromanagement. FML
Today, I realized that the drunk-me deletes my texts, so the sober-me doesn't get mad. Well turns out, whatever the drunk-me said, caused me to lose my job, my girlfriend, and my coffee machine. FML
Today, I found my daughter playing on my phone. When I got it back, I saw multiple texts to my boss saying that I quit. FML
Today, I learned that while most people drunk text, I drunk clean. And by drunk clean I mean put my things away where I won't be able to find them, like my car keys. FML
Today, I woke up, thinking it was going to be a good day. However, when I looked at my phone, I saw that my girlfriend had sent me an obscene number of angry messages, which are still coming in, because I forgot to say goodnight to her last night. FML
Today, I looked in my pocket for the phone number of a girl I met last night at a party. I remembered us talking and exchanging phone numbers. When I found the piece of paper, I discovered that instead of writing her number down, I had drunkenly written down my own. FML
Today, my boss was standing behind me, looking at my phone. Why was I writing smut? Did he see? How much did he see? Is he a fan? Why was he even there? I hate it here. FML
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Top comments
Shalamar 4
I'm getting the impression that you make a habit of getting blind drunk and texting people, then not remembering the following day. If I were you, I'd (a) stop drinking so much, (b) leave the phone at home if you're going to get that drunk, or (c) all of the above.
Shadic 0
Oh man. This trend of "I got drunk and did something stupid, **** my life." is totally not getting old, people. Oh wait. Yes, yes it is.
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Comments (48)
1800getalife 0
hahahhaah
JassyJas 2
Did he like it?
futuremarine5 4
I hope for your sake that your boss is female and REALLY likes you
pwetzel 0
YDI for beig that drunk lol and first!
sexybeastsexybea 0
not exactly...
DaDezza244 31
*being And you're not 1st idiot
nnero0 0
YDI for not turning off ur phone before drunkness gets u xD and u should post them in textsfromlastnight xD
Shalamar 4
I'm getting the impression that you make a habit of getting blind drunk and texting people, then not remembering the following day. If I were you, I'd (a) stop drinking so much, (b) leave the phone at home if you're going to get that drunk, or (c) all of the above.
zaphilia 0
How can he stop getting drunk and leave his phone home when he's going to go get drunk?
Gothgrl39 0
I'd say
cherstewart 0
Yes.
zaphilia 0
I bet you're fun to be around when you're drunk.
roaminginsomniac 0
You must be REALLY stupid then. Get into AA. You're an alcoholic.
_sunshinee 0
Wow you dont even know if they're actually an alcoholic.
cherstewart 0
I guess I missed this sign/symptom when learning about alcoholism. You should contact AA and make sure they know this is an additional symptom to the addiction for their meetings.
jollyjam1 2
Another genius drug user and his genius escapade. When will people learn?
dntknowaname 0
another self important douchebag. When will people learn?
cherstewart 0
Plenty of geniuses are, or were, drug users. I'm glad that you've taken the time to recognize this on the internet(s). 01000101011101100110010101110010011110010111010001101000011010010110111001100111 00100000011010000110000101110011001000000111010001101000011001010010000001110000 01101111011101000110010101101110011101000110100101100001011011000010000001110100 01101111001000000110111101100011011000110111010101110010001000000110111001100001 0111010001110101011100100110000101101100011011000111100100101110 ^I can bet you don't know what that says. It is in a code devised by someone who has used LSD. Another individual of less than average intelligence shooting his or her mouth off in an attempt to appear to be self-righteous. A hint - you can't be smugly superior when you're the only one around being intolerant. Turns out you end up being the ignorant ass.
Newbie21 1
party party party let's all get wasted lol jk but seriously you deserve it for not controling your drinking
wonderboy1 0
hahahaha the real question is what did they reply?