Today, I got random constipation followed by diarrhea. It's 1:30am and my sleeping medication is making me fall asleep, but every time I try to get off the toilet I get another diarrhea spasm. Either I fall asleep on the toilet or shit myself in my sleep. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to take a laxative for the first time. Instead of working gently overnight like it promised, I woke up at 3 a.m. to an unrelenting river of shit that made my legs numb on the toilet. FML
Today, I'm constipated AND having diarrhea at the same time. It feels like I'm going to explode. FML
Today, I had planned to do a twenty-minute colon cleanse enema for weight loss. Instead, I woke up in the middle of the night with uncontrollable diarrhea that’s still going strong. Eight hours and counting. FML
Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML
Today, I awoke to an excruciating pain in my back from sleeping in the same position all night. I can't wipe my own ass. I've already gone to shit twice. FML
Today, I've realized that I have two modes: Constipated, or ultra explosive diarrhea. FML
Today, I had a panic attack because I was constipated. FML
Today, I apparently had diarrhea in my sleep. I had to get up and sneak to the bathroom so as to not wake my husband. When he asked about the stain, I panicked and told him I started my period. FML
Today, I was suffering from food poisoning and had constant diarrhea, along with feeling nauseous. I couldn't hold my vomit in and rushed to the toilet, but due to the pressure, I pooped while still in pajamas. FML
Today, I fell asleep while taking a dump. At work. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
jen_jalapeno 10
One obviously sounds better than the other lol
real life problems 26
Just sleep on the toilet
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (14)
jen_jalapeno 10
One obviously sounds better than the other lol
donb23 23
Time to get some “Depends “
real life problems 26
Just sleep on the toilet
Rexroy101 0
Turn around. Put your legs on either side of the back of the toilet... feels super weird, but then you can use the tank to rest your head on. If you can't go back to bed to grab a pillow, use some towels or toilet paper to soften the surface and protect yourself from the cold porcelain. Only weird part is that your feet are near the back of the toilet, where you don't clean well... Only works on standard toilets
rodfergie 18
Sleeping on the crapper seems obvious, but hey, what do I know. You might like that warm wet feeling in bed.
RichardPencil 32
I don’t know which option you should choose, but definitely don’t apply for that coffin challenge!
Rianna N Bodhi Freeman 9
Well, you're in for a shitty night...
Jeremy Phillips 18
Looks like you’re shit outta luck.
Athens Mahrt 5
poop
Hejira Hayes 8
They've tried that.
Nakomai 17
Sleep in the bathtub/shower and rise off when you wake up.