Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband woke up, tried walking to the bathroom, fell down, got back up and started peeing on the carpet. I’ve never seen him this drunk before. FML
Today, I was working at 5 am at my office desk when I heard trickling water. I ran to the foyer, turned on the light, expecting to see my incontinent 16 year-old golden retriever. Instead, I witnessed my still drunk, high and comatose husband standing at the top of the stairs pissing on the carpet stairs. Again. FML
Today, my roommate came home after a night of heavy drinking and started urinating on my bed. When I confronted him, he just slurred, "Sorry, thought it was my bed." FML
Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML
Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML
Today, I woke up after a long night of taking care of my drunken husband. I guess I should feel lucky I don't have a generic, "He wet the bed in his sleep" story, and instead have a unique, "He got out of bed and peed on me" story. FML
Today, my husband's old fraternity brother came to visit. He fell out of his car, puked, then passed out drunk in our driveway. We got him to the bathroom, where he fell asleep. He woke up at 4am, wandered around the house naked, pooped in my trash can, then passed out again. FML
Today, my boyfriend got so drunk that he was sick in the taxi, sick on me, then sick on himself when he was sitting on the toilet. What's more, I can't get into bed because he's been sick all over my half of the bed. So I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight. FML
Today, my long-distance boyfriend got extremely drunk and insisted that we left the Skype call on all night so it was like I was there with him. I woke up to the sound of him vomiting loudly at 3am. FML
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
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Top comments
kiran_fml 5
You must've been pissed.
bettyc4 26
For better or worse
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Comments (124)
NoKittyMyPotPie 3
That sucks
HollyoaksFan93 9
That's why it's on FML.
bettyc4 26
For better or worse
noshatsherlockk 15
Hey, my cousin had to clean up her husbands puke on the deck, and it had 2 whole hot dogs in it. Shit happens.
bettyc4 26
You are riding a horse in a pool...I have now seen everything
noshatsherlockk 15
On the beach actually.
bettyc4 26
Don't kill this for me
noshatsherlockk 15
Alright? Hey, if you want it to be a pool, it's a pool.
bettyc4 26
There IS a God!!
blackheart24 10
16- that is a cool pic actually. 28- Not meaning to stalk, but HOLY SHIT, you died twice?!? On a more FML oriented note, that shit is nasty, but pretty funny if you think about it. I mean what would you do? I'd laugh my ass off.
natashax21 5
18- What I thought was the side of the pool is actually a giant cruise ship in the ocean. Don't feel bad.
bettyc4 26
I was announced legally dead twice. once after my father tried to kill me as a baby and 2nd time when I pushed my brother out of the way of a car and took the hit instead
japtch 15
43-I want to thumb up your comment because it's inspiring, but I feel like an asshole "liking" the fact that you've died twice. I'm in a pickle here..
Pentium_4 27
glad you're still here 43 :)
AyeTee77 18
43 - How are you legally dead as opposed to illegally dead? That word is not necessary in there, however, good job on your heroics on saving your brother, if only that car had hit you harder.
Pentium_4 27
51- you should leave and never come back, don't be a dick...
Jonkbaby 23
OP I think 2 is hinting for you to kill him
bettyc4 26
47 idk how to help you 48 thank you 55 lol
evamusical 12
67- wow, its a wonder you're alive! You're very lucky :)
blackheart24 10
67- Dude you're like Wonder Woman or something. What a badass haha. Nah but seriously, it's cool that youre alive. You must have a good reason to be here I guess :)
capnbzarr 43
**** that bullshit; pissing on the carpet due to being a drunk asshat is grounds for divorce.
Calyx_fml 22
Bethyc4 your life is like the movie Final Destination
bettyc4 26
Lol more like Kenny from south park. "I can't die"
brandonharris690 0
In sickness and in health
FBS119 0
You must have a very important purpose
bettyc4 26
Ya taking care of everyone around me. I'm trying to get to school to be a nurse.
JavIin 0
Aha! OP's name is Carpet cleaner. :)
Tsunami87 17
Clearly too drunk to get to the toilet.
OneNightStan 2
Ricky you got a lot of explaining to do!!!
RoseTintMyWorld 8
I was once too drunk to make it to the toilet so I used a coke can to vomit in. Not one of my finer moments, but it happens.
Jonkbaby 23
54 you are only 18? I hope you're talking about getting drunk on koolaid
RoseTintMyWorld 8
I don't really like Kool-aid. Unless it's the grape flavor, that kind is delicious. I much prefer Hawaiian Punch.
thefaced 0
"I wasn't THAT drunk!"
kiran_fml 5
You must've been pissed.
GVirdi 11
In Australia pissed means drunk In USA pissed means mad So technically weren't they both pissed? :3
GP14brBaller 5
I guess that's what you call... *Puts on sunglasses* Piss Drunk! **** yeah!
gojira666 7
In canada it means both
brown4lifejot 1
Not in all of Canada. If someone came up to me and told me they were pissed i would assume theyre angry.
isssssssy 0
Was you 'pissed' off? ;)
slappinGoodtimes 0
It is better to be pissed off, than pissed on.
Jonkbaby 23
unless you're into that kinda thing..
stormer461 13
I think you should toilet train him.
countrygurl17 0
eww hahaha thats discusting!
bettyc4 26
Disgusting
Jonkbaby 23
maybe meant discussing
marisadc79 0
Wow, I'd be curbing him going out with his buddies real quick if he's gonna get so drunk he's pissing on the floor. For sure he'd be cleaning it up. Yes, FYL for having to deal with that and f**k his for not being able to hold his liquor and acting like a toddler.
ydi_4_suking 20
So the guy wouldn't be allowed to go with his friends anymore? You're crazy
HannahWho 8
Maybe a better way to handle it would be. "Honey, you kept me up all night and then peed on the floor. If you are going to go out with buddies, could you either not drink so much or stay over at their house until you are sober. If its going to be late you might as well stay out the rest of the night so one of us could sleep."
williamcarter93 13
How on earth do you think you will stop an adult from going somewhere with his friends
aWeSoMeZeBrA 0
You can't lol
aWeSoMeZeBrA 0
You can't lol
TURLOCK 4
i done that to her boy i didnt hear the end of it i still hear bout it gahaha
THE_A_TEEN 28
So you pissed on some woman's child and is constantly being reminded of the Golden Shower you did to the boy? Are you R. Kelly?
noshatsherlockk 15
A_TEEN, we've had our issues in the past, but I couldn't help but laugh at your comment.
japtch 15
Punctuation. The more you know..
ohboyfml22 0
At least it wasn't in the bed ... Then you'd have a problem ... To the ones thinking he's a keeper ... I know you're out there, suck my pinky toe ...