Today, my husband woke up, tried walking to the bathroom, fell down, got back up and started peeing on the carpet. I’ve never seen him this drunk before. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML
Today, I was working at 5 am at my office desk when I heard trickling water. I ran to the foyer, turned on the light, expecting to see my incontinent 16 year-old golden retriever. Instead, I witnessed my still drunk, high and comatose husband standing at the top of the stairs pissing on the carpet stairs. Again. FML
Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML
Today, my husband's old fraternity brother came to visit. He fell out of his car, puked, then passed out drunk in our driveway. We got him to the bathroom, where he fell asleep. He woke up at 4am, wandered around the house naked, pooped in my trash can, then passed out again. FML
Today, I woke up after a long night of taking care of my drunken husband. I guess I should feel lucky I don't have a generic, "He wet the bed in his sleep" story, and instead have a unique, "He got out of bed and peed on me" story. FML
Today, I am exhausted and can barely move after being up all night taking care of my drunk and vomiting husband. He, on the other hand, feels much better and is bounding with energy. FML
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
Today, I walked into work looking like I had peed myself, all because my husband thought it would be "hilarious" to slam on the brakes while I was drinking hot coffee. FML
Today, my husband missed the toilet again. I would have been less disgusted if he'd peed this time. FML
Today, I woke up to a strange noise. I looked over to see my drunk husband standing at the dresser. I asked him what he was doing. "Peeing." I asked him, "In the sock drawer?" There was a pause. "Am I peeing in the wrong drawer?" FML
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Top comments
coius 23
Could be vertigo or neurological. When you say you’ve never seen him this drunk, makes me think he has a habit of this, and you should do an intervention. It sounds like he’s an alcoholic and its going to be a train wreck coming down the line if it continues like this.
spinspinsugar 12
I feel your pain, my husband has done that. he wasn't even drunk, he was sleepwalking. or he'll pee in the garbage, that's always nice to smell after the fact
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Comments (5)
timinator5000 28
Are you sure its drunk if he woke up? Don't people do that and Then pass out? (not super familiar with drunk people so I could be wrong)
coius 23
Could be vertigo or neurological. When you say you’ve never seen him this drunk, makes me think he has a habit of this, and you should do an intervention. It sounds like he’s an alcoholic and its going to be a train wreck coming down the line if it continues like this.
spinspinsugar 12
I feel your pain, my husband has done that. he wasn't even drunk, he was sleepwalking. or he'll pee in the garbage, that's always nice to smell after the fact
Sumus125 17
I know how much it sucks to smell urine in your bedroom. But at least it was in a waste receptical and not all over the floor, right?
spinspinsugar 12
the first time it was on the hardwood floor, my dresser, and our clothes hamper. the other times it was in the trashcan and the wall and the floor
Wadlaen 24
Sounds bad - I know that when I was a kid, I sometimes walked in my sleep, from my bedroom (wich was on the second floor) over to the stairs, stood on top of the stairs and peed down, before I went back to bed, so on behalf of all of us who randomly choose where to pee when we're not fully conscious, I'm sorry!
xbaconator9000x 16
My father did the same thing once (according to my step mother)