Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband woke up, tried walking to the bathroom, fell down, got back up and started peeing on the carpet. I’ve never seen him this drunk before. FML
Today, I was working at 5 am at my office desk when I heard trickling water. I ran to the foyer, turned on the light, expecting to see my incontinent 16 year-old golden retriever. Instead, I witnessed my still drunk, high and comatose husband standing at the top of the stairs pissing on the carpet stairs. Again. FML
Today, my roommate came home after a night of heavy drinking and started urinating on my bed. When I confronted him, he just slurred, "Sorry, thought it was my bed." FML
Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML
Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML
Today, I woke up after a long night of taking care of my drunken husband. I guess I should feel lucky I don't have a generic, "He wet the bed in his sleep" story, and instead have a unique, "He got out of bed and peed on me" story. FML
Today, my husband's old fraternity brother came to visit. He fell out of his car, puked, then passed out drunk in our driveway. We got him to the bathroom, where he fell asleep. He woke up at 4am, wandered around the house naked, pooped in my trash can, then passed out again. FML
Today, my boyfriend got so drunk that he was sick in the taxi, sick on me, then sick on himself when he was sitting on the toilet. What's more, I can't get into bed because he's been sick all over my half of the bed. So I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight. FML
Today, my long-distance boyfriend got extremely drunk and insisted that we left the Skype call on all night so it was like I was there with him. I woke up to the sound of him vomiting loudly at 3am. FML
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
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Top comments
kiran_fml 5
You must've been pissed.
bettyc4 26
For better or worse
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Comments (124)
ugottabkidn 0
At least it wasnt u he pissed on
Pentium_4 27
i've seen people do that. either A.) the toilet seemed "SO FAR AWAY" or B.) he was completely oblivious to all his surroundings
briighteyez 9
Hahahahaha I can kind of relate to this... My friend was puking in the toilet and I really had to pee.. Instead of going outside... In my drunken state I barged in the bathroom while Patrick was puking and peed in the bathtub. Hahahaha. Ohh dear.
dabomb1463 0
You should control his alcohol intake
Razzle_Dazzle_5 11
When you gotta go , you gotta go.
Mr25_fml 14
Piss on everything he loves
d_unsub 12
I hope that you didn't clean after him and took pictures to show him when he get sober.
noeoee 3
Guess you can say he was... ( •_•) ( •_•)>⌐■-■ (⌐■_■) ...pissed. YEEEEAAAAHHHHHHHH!
christina201288 6
If your 14 years old daughter is gay, you should probably talk to her about her feelings regarding it, instead of posting shit on the internet.
_BradyBunch_ 7
Well good thing you're the carpet cleaner, coming to the rescue
sabrinamarie3 15
That's real cute. :P
Michael_92 20
It is? Care to explain why?
CursedSilent 1
I'm pretty sure that was sarcasm