Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had awful morning sickness, and I asked my husband if he'd get me a drink while I went to the bathroom. On the way back, I witnessed him spitting in the glass. FML
Today, I was stuck crouching over the toilet after a night of drinking. My fiancé walked in, gathered my hair, and held it out of the way. When another wave of nausea hit me and I leaned in, he shoved my face into the bowl and ran out, laughing and yelling, "That'll teach ya!" FML
Today, I cleaned my bathroom from top to bottom. Tonight, my husband threw up all over the bathroom. He actually cleaned it up himself, including the toilet. I went to use the toilet, put down the seat and sat down. Guess which part of the toilet he DIDN'T clean. FML
Today, my husband drank way too much white wine at a wedding and projectile vomited all over me and my car while I was driving. We were 5 miles from home and I have emetophobia (the fear of vomit/vomiting). FML
Today, I vomited so hard into the toilet that the water splashed back into my face. I instinctually moved away only to finish puking on the floor. FML
Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML
Today, I got really sick after drinking a lot of alcohol and started throwing up. Every time I threw up into the toilet, the water would splash back up into my face. FML
Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
Today, I hired a babysitter, so my husband and I could spend some time together and work on our failing marriage. I dressed up. We went out. He got drunk and puked on me. FML
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Top comments
chouter21 10
I can't help but get a flashback of the horrific 2girls1cup video...
unknown_user5566 27
This immediately reminded me of the Family Guy episode where Peter, Chris, Brian and Stewie are trying to outlast one another after drinking some weird medicine. It was disgusting as a cartoon, so I can only imagine how horrific it was in real life. FYL indeed, OP.
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Comments (112)
kvdfan 7
whoa! Time to hire a maid
mavericks 6
Make sure the maid has enough lemon pledge
beccaishereyay 11
Yeah. When something's tough, get someone else to do it. MURICA.
TurtleSmile 14
What's this? A mess in my home for which I am responsible? I'm American, I shouldn't have to deal with this.
AKGirlinSD 20
1, I believe the Original Poster should be awarded Wife of the Year Award.
Meettitan 14
Get the sawdust.
mizuki123 8
#57 I'm American and I'm well capable of cleaning up messes without having other ppl doing it.
xDMACx12 7
71-But you're not capable of spelling out the word "people" even though you took the time to use correct puctuation. Typical halfass american.
Smokohauntas 3
72 - You sort of half-assed your comment as well. You forgot to capitalize American, and you forgot a comma. Edit: You also mispelled "punctuation".
enormouselephant 15
#71 He was also being kinda funny, not 100% serious, but I'm really happy you can take care of yourself.
XxDevilxXGt 26
I think the point to be taken here is that having half of an ass is very bad for you. And this fml just reminds me of those family guy episodes where everyone just starts throwing up. :P
aksweetheart 7
78- he also misspelled half-assed. :D
LiterOfCola 16
57: Typical slick-haired tool blaming issues on the nationality.
XxNINJA_28xX 8
At least it's not on carpet.
iseyixes 18
I think washing a floor and wall of puke is still disgusting and a job no one wants. Who cares that it didn't land on carpet.
generationaliya 7
However washing vomit out of a crapet is way worse than just tiles.
WritingWrongs 8
Well there was probably a wastebasket nearby that OP could have used. I know that would have held vomit better than her husband's back
christyxbee 15
Vomit party ! Yay !
jbsington 8
THAT'S HOW YOU GET ANTS, LANA.
omg36 7
Bonding with the hubby
lebronesque73091 12
This makes me think of that one family guy episode where everyone was throwing up and they kept on throwing up because they saw everyone else throwing up.
chouter21 10
I can't help but get a flashback of the horrific 2girls1cup video...
FMLKitten 15
Thank you very, very much for giving the rest of us the same flashback.
perdix 31
#18, just go see "Monty Python's Meaning of Life" -- you'll get a much more disturbing image. Cheers!
Snoopy0718 14
Not meeee. Saved myself from watching that video. I doubt I would've been able to delete that from my memory. Phew
FMLKitten 15
36) Do me a favor and watch "Monty Python's Meaning of Life" and give me your reflections on it. Pretty please?
perdix 31
#38, "It's only waffer thin..."
Snoopy0718 14
Haha no that's ok. Even though you're a cute kitty, your cuteness won't send me into a trap scarring me for life
Snoopy0718 14
Now I see you want me to do your dirty work. Bad kitty, bad boy! Go and watch it yourself since perdix was the one who told you about it first.
FMLKitten 15
44) Now why on earth would I watch anything perdix suggests to me?
Snoopy0718 14
Out of curiosity? But since you're still here, curiosity didn't kill you...
perdix 31
#45, good call! If only more people were as smart as you! They wouldn't try to look up the Blue Waffle or the meaning of "felching."
SkoomaKi 28
Does it bother anyone that the clip you see on "2 girls 1 cup"....is only the trailer. It's actually a 2 hour length porno called "Hungry Bitches".
Trix_Disorder 20
66 - ... No, that doesn't bother me at all, actually.
jesustitts 20
53- my brother-in-law posted a picture of an actual breakfast waffle colored blue on Facebook and it had the caption I bet you can't find this exact picture on google. His mom looked it up shortly after he posted it. Her reaction was hilarious.
Tristessa18 4
Good thing I never saw it :)
IscoreOnU 19
Vomitception. Had to.. But FYL op sorry that happened. This is why when someone's sick I stay away from them puking its one of the few things that makes me puke
AsianAdvent 2
Vomit party, anyone? Doesn't even matter if you're sober or not :D
tswizz 13
Vomit party? What is wrong with you...
AnyaS 19
Who wants clam chowder?
vocaloidtiger 12
It's like the domino effect! ... Kinda ...
unknown_user5566 27
This immediately reminded me of the Family Guy episode where Peter, Chris, Brian and Stewie are trying to outlast one another after drinking some weird medicine. It was disgusting as a cartoon, so I can only imagine how horrific it was in real life. FYL indeed, OP.
krysstar 5
Oops posted mine without reading the comments! But glad i wasn't the only one who thought of this exact episode.
unknown_user5566 27
No worries. As I told #9, great minds think alike. :)
ShockwaveXIII 8
Who wants chowder!?
gc327072 31
32- *BBBBLLLLEEEEEHHHHHH!!!!!*
KiddNYC1O 22
That was so funny the first time. I love Family Guy.
Shayton 12
Hold my ears!
JaykeXD 9
Kinda funny how shit like this happens. Gotta love alcohol XD
WritingWrongs 8
Yeah, you're like 10... But honestly, how do people even get drunk off their asses for any reason? No self control...
unknown_user5566 27
79- His profile says he's 18. Your profile states you're 19. I think you can hop down from your little pedestal, now.
BlackBlazeCobra 16
Am I the only one who thought of Family Guy? (Guess not, someone beat me to it) That really sucks OP, get a cleaning crew to come in while you and your husband rest!
unknown_user5566 27
Sorry, 9! Great minds think alike. :) Situations like this make me never, ever want to be part of a professional cleaning crew. I don't think I could handle coming in to clean up after a drunken puke-fest.
gabrayal 10
Reminds me of the time when I was five and shat all over my babysitters bathroom wall cause I didn't make it to the toilet. Her daughter had to clean it all up. I feel tremendously bad for her.
unknown_user5566 27
I'm a little confused/disturbed by two things here. 1) You didn't make it to the toilet, but ended up ******** on the wall (and not the floor)? Did you run into a corner or something? 2) Your babysitter made her daughter clean it up? Maybe it's just me, but that is kind of messed up.
gabrayal 10
Yup, I shat as I was bending over to sit on the toilet. Making me spray that walls and floor too, I guess. Welcome to the Hispanic life.
skulltorn 8
Wtf does this have to do with being Hispanic? I'm Hispanic and I have never shit on a wall!!! Am I missing out on a ritual my parents didn't want to tell me?