Today, my boyfriend got so drunk that he was sick in the taxi, sick on me, then sick on himself when he was sitting on the toilet. What's more, I can't get into bed because he's been sick all over my half of the bed. So I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to clean my boyfriend's puke off of our bed. Last night he ditched me to go out partying, came home, threw up, and passed out. He thinks it's only fair I clean up today because he's "not feeling well". FML
Today, my long-distance boyfriend got extremely drunk and insisted that we left the Skype call on all night so it was like I was there with him. I woke up to the sound of him vomiting loudly at 3am. FML
Today, I was sick and laid up in bed, and my boyfriend decided to bring me some soup. Just as he reached the bed, he tripped over his own feet and spilled the soup all over me. FML
Today, my boyfriend turned 21 and got drunk at a bar. Being sober, I went through the whole ordeal: calling a cab, carrying him up three flights of stairs, helping him by the toilet, and taking him to bed. Just when I'm about to sleep, he gets up, pushes his shorts down, and pees on me. Twice. FML
Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday. After spending a reasonable amount of cash to get us a nice hotel room to celebrate, he decides he would rather spend the night drinking with his friends. They all threw up in the bath tub before passing out on our bed. FML
Today, I was in bed with the stomach flu. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to fart in the fan next to our bed, which caused me to vomit all over myself. FML
Today, my boyfriend came to my house for the first time. Today was also the day my body decided to throw up violently for four hours while he awkwardly sat beside me, waiting for his ride home. FML
Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML
Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML
Today, I invited my boyfriend over to watch a movie with myself and a few friends. He got drunk, talked during the entire movie, fell into and broke my fan and then threw up all over my roommate's bathroom. He is still leaning over the toilet and my fan sounds like a woodpecker. FML
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Top comments
Jimboom 12
While he is passed out take a big fat crap on his side of the bed. Then tell him that he did it. ;-)
jocelyng_fml 0
reading this, most likely somebody is going to end up saying something like British people say sick and not vomit
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Comments (85)
ObviouslyJesus 1
Just get sick back on him
Lolerskatez 0
ydi put him on the couch and take the bed, **** him for making a mess xD
Einstein714 0
and by the way make him a sammich, he must be hungry from all the barfing
buzz18 7
make him clean it,
DocBastard 40
Einstein, you're supposed to be some kind of super genius, so surely you know that the 'sammich' joke is overplayed and was never funny. Saying that makes you look like a misogynistic jackass. Try some new material.
DocBastard 40
Then you're just as misogynistic as Einstein. Congratulations.
Einstein714 0
doc, shouldn't you be giving prostate exams or something?
Mehness 0
40 - Better yet, shouldn't he be at a morgue, wishing he were having as much fun as those people were?
DocBastard 40
Mehness, that made no sense. Please hang up and try again. If you'd like to get in an insult battle with me, you'll need better stuff than that. Einstein, if you need your prostate checked, make an appointment to see me.
theFMLiest1ofThe 0
seriously, the "make him a sammich" line is somewhere on every thread when there is a female OP. it's dumb and unoriginal. it doesn't make you seem funny or tough like it did in 8th grade. it makes you sound stupid and juvenile...like you were in 8th grade
docscientist 10
My last sammich tasted like sexism.
MonkeyBusiness_fml 3
43 - you're making me sick like OP's boyfriend. Please go back to kitchen and make me a sammich. Thank you.
MonkeyBusiness_fml 3
Why not just make him a sammich and make peace with him?
EnaBoC 5
That right there's a keeper fo sho lols.
sports_chic 6
fyl
ladybuuggy 0
Sounds like a fun night! For him, not you. Sorry OP!
Syrael 0
lili
1990TD 6
YDI for saying sick instead of vomiting... derp (-.-')
jocelyng_fml 0
reading this, most likely somebody is going to end up saying something like British people say sick and not vomit
yanksby7 6
You know there's a character limit right? "Sick" is less letters than "vomit" last I checked...
Dr_Awesome654 24
Fewer*
alfigel 0
Stop using ******* euphemisms! If you mean "vomiting", then ******* say so!
miraggg 1
calm down lol
bjokline 7
"Being sick" is an English term for puking. Same as "throwing up" is the American term :P
knibbsy 4
What 6 and 7 said. "Vomited, puked on, hurled, blew chunks, yakked, regurgitated" would have all been better than "got sick." YDI for using that phrase each time.
CitrusGirl 0
My favorite: made street pizza
Domonator 16
You forgot, "called Ralph on the big white phone".
knibbsy 4
Being "sick" means the same thing here in the states, although it's usage isn't nearly as common I'd imagine. I trust those of you overseas sometimes use other verbiage? I'd hate to see a country that doesn't enjoy a plethora of words for vomiting! Now, let's talk about other words for defecating...
stronghand0331 17
I'm glad I could interject that word into your already colorful vocabulary my dear. It spices up your comment!
bubbywaldo 0
And "worshipped the porcelain god."
Jimboom 12
While he is passed out take a big fat crap on his side of the bed. Then tell him that he did it. ;-)
Poetry 0
you should have pashed him
vixon 0
that's just dirty...
iheartglasses 0
I would have made him sleep in the bathroom. If he was throwing up everywhere, you should know he will continue to do it other places as well.. YDI for bed puke but FYL for all the other