Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband woke up, tried walking to the bathroom, fell down, got back up and started peeing on the carpet. I’ve never seen him this drunk before. FML
Today, I was working at 5 am at my office desk when I heard trickling water. I ran to the foyer, turned on the light, expecting to see my incontinent 16 year-old golden retriever. Instead, I witnessed my still drunk, high and comatose husband standing at the top of the stairs pissing on the carpet stairs. Again. FML
Today, my roommate came home after a night of heavy drinking and started urinating on my bed. When I confronted him, he just slurred, "Sorry, thought it was my bed." FML
Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML
Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML
Today, I woke up after a long night of taking care of my drunken husband. I guess I should feel lucky I don't have a generic, "He wet the bed in his sleep" story, and instead have a unique, "He got out of bed and peed on me" story. FML
Today, my husband's old fraternity brother came to visit. He fell out of his car, puked, then passed out drunk in our driveway. We got him to the bathroom, where he fell asleep. He woke up at 4am, wandered around the house naked, pooped in my trash can, then passed out again. FML
Today, my boyfriend got so drunk that he was sick in the taxi, sick on me, then sick on himself when he was sitting on the toilet. What's more, I can't get into bed because he's been sick all over my half of the bed. So I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight. FML
Today, my long-distance boyfriend got extremely drunk and insisted that we left the Skype call on all night so it was like I was there with him. I woke up to the sound of him vomiting loudly at 3am. FML
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
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Top comments
kiran_fml 5
You must've been pissed.
bettyc4 26
For better or worse
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Comments (124)
5HT2A 5
Always good to keep the extra puppy pads just incase. Ah yes, drunk husbands can't hold in their piss either
simplyunique907 4
lmao some of them can..
MandyMeow_fml 18
I take it he's not broken yet?
MandyMeow_fml 18
House broken*
kickuwithmyfist 1
Did you rub his nose in it?
senor_awesome 14
at least he had the sense to not piss in the bed. reminds me of the time we had a party, this guy passed out on the couch, then pissed on himself and the couch. guess who was the only one still sober enough to stand, and was voluteered to clean.
yahoowizard 16
For a few minutes, really?
Bryceps 4
You'll look back at it and laugh, don't worry. Hey, see? *I'm* already laughing!
THE_A_TEEN 28
Hell no! Rule #1 : Never get in a fight with a drunk Rule #2 : Never hit a drunk
corysquibb 11
and your first thought was to run to the computer and make an fml status about it...
5HT2A 5
I think that's one thing all OP's have in common.
THE_A_TEEN 28
You do realize that ALL FML's have to start with "Today". So really, there is no indication how long ago the actual FML moment happened. It's all in the wording of the FML that makes you think that.
julian_brunt 4
nothing wrong with that i do it every time i go out
MetalxSoldier 26
I guess someone can't handle their liquor. Maybe I should show him how a REAL man drinks. You know or he could piss in an empty bottle like a NORMAL person!