Today, after a huge fight, my girlfriend started coming onto me. I thought it was actual make-up sex and went along with it. It was great, until she suddenly shoved me off her just as I was almost ready to come. She smugly announced she was dumping me, got dressed, then left. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Today, my wife and I were having amazing make up sex after several months of painful separation. Halfway through, she screamed for me to stop, climbed off the bed, and ran into the bathroom. She spent an hour screaming and crying, then came out and emotionlessly told me to leave. FML
Today, I got dumped during sex. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours, hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming, "I meant it!" FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. By making out with her new boyfriend in front of me. FML
Today, some filthy creep grabbed my girlfriend's ass in front of me. I smashed his face in, as would be expected. Afterwards, we had wild sex, then she cried, told me how frightened my "unprovoked violent response" made her, and kicked me out. I'm now in a seedy motel, wondering what the hell happened. FML
Today, I was shopping with my girlfriend, when a girl came out of nowhere, screaming at me for cheating on her, and saying she was dumping me. I've never seen her before, and she was almost grinning during her little act, but my girlfriend believed it, and I'm now single. FML
Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML
Today, after having a fight with my boyfriend, we had what I thought to be the best make-up sex, because he seemed so happy and upbeat. Turns out he misunderstood. He was happy because he thought it was break-up sex. FML
Today, after a week of intense fighting, my girlfriend of 4 years and I hung out. She told me she loved me, and I pointed out that last week she said she was going to dump me. Without missing a beat, she replied, "Only to scare you into submission." FML
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Top comments
Aew 17
That's a cold, calculating ex girlfriend. She has excellent brakes as well.
Googolman 29
Well, you have to admire her impeccable timing.
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Comments (74)
Almost_Positive 18
I hope your name is irrelevant
T_Young96 13
The only time rape is acceptable... Jk OP. Sorry to hear it.
flutterby789 8
#14 you really are a ******* arent you
onlychildFTW 34
Why?
Ki11erC 18
I'm Almost_Positive it's not.
TheSwegMaster69 11
^ epic ******* win
1dvos_grl3 21
idk why your comment got so many dislikes, that was pretty funny haha!
Aew 17
That's a cold, calculating ex girlfriend. She has excellent brakes as well.
Googolman 29
Well, you have to admire her impeccable timing.
Aew 17
You have to give credit for her restraint as well.
marcranger 29
Not really, 8. Most guys aren't anywhere near as irresistible as they think they are.
Ki11erC 18
Being irresistible has no real implication here, the point they were making was getting horny/going so far and stopping. Never heard of someone wanking only to stop and go, damn my hands ugly, best give up now.
domking1315 20
39 watch orange is the new black
marcranger 29
39, she probably wasn't very horny. A lot of women I know find it difficult to get into sex with someone who's pissed them off...shocking, I know.
6pointstuntin 12
#overempowered
aljop 15
Have fun dealing with that lune for the next 6 years she stalks you.
meli1195 31
if she wanted to stalk him, why would ahe dump him in the first place?
DLBL 23
You'd be surprised. Extreme behavior can go both ways.
stevenN659 24
well now, it wouldn't be stalking if OP knew about it.
Texasblackboots 16
#4 that made no sense
RandomUsername88 24
We need a follow-up to determine if you deserved this or not
incoherentrmblr 22
I don't think anyone deserves it, man or woman...
Matheo_fml 21
This is hust cruel.
Matheo_fml 21
Just
kitten1800 18
I feel so bad for you but I also feel respect for her o.o
brand125 17
respect her?
teentee401 37
Um, why?
Levvy 22
For a long time, I thought the internet was where you didn't need to know both sides of an argument to assess it. Now, I realize the internet is where you don't even need to know ONE side of an argument to assess it.
DanShowsNoMercy 13
Hello lotion, we meet again, right hand. How could I forget you, box of tissue?
hobojo69 23
That's kind of evil, I'll need to remember this, sorry tho op
IamHercules 24
More brutal than evil I'd say
nyte_assassin1 11
Dumbass if you just got into a fight why would you think it's her fault and she's trying to say sorry by having sex
meli1195 31
I'm sorry, are we reading the same post?
Levvy 22
I think "nyte_assassin1" is just not accustomed to receiving apologies. I wonder why.
NLM22 14
dude that's what makeup sex is all about... it's not about who's at fault.... it's about making up
homesuckfucker 28
If a girl is careless enough to do something like that, rather than discuss things and try to actually make up with you after such a big argument, she isn't worth fretting over.
MrConcise 35
Nah. I deeply respect this girl based on this FML. I'm sure OP knows her much better than either of us would to determine if she's worth his time, but she seems sharp and full of life. What she did was shitty, but don't we all do dickish things sometimes when we're angry?
homesuckfucker 28
No. If you care about someone, you discuss things. This was obviously something she planned out. People usually calm down with time. I truly believe that she wanted OP to hurt because she no longer cared for them. I don't respect that. She is VERY cunning, though. I would never be able to think up such a devious plan.
brand125 17
i dont know how people are saying they respect the girl for this, she would have none from me.
MrConcise 35
@42 - I'm not really a nice guy. I like a little fire in my ladies.