Today, I got my first handjob. I also found out today that a girl can pull your skin hard enough to cause it to bleed profusely. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got my first hand job. I started bleeding. FML
Today, I got my first handjob. She ripped out a pube. It hurt so bad my eyes teared up. She asked what was wrong and not wanting to make her feel guilty I had to tell her it was "Just so good." FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided to pleasure me with a handjob. It was incredibly painful because she didn't understand that my foreskin isn't as flexible as she thought it to be. I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop until she asked, "Is it supposed to turn this color?" FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
Today, I tried to give my first hand-job while wearing fuzzy socks in a carpeted room. I reached out to touch his dick and shocked him. FML
Today, I found out how messed up I am when a guy held a knife to my throat and it turned me on. FML
Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML
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Top comments
1dvs_bstd 41
Bro, did you get a handjob from freddy kruger?
lex1459 38
How could she possibly have looked at what she was doing and gone "yeah, I bet that feels good"
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Comments (102)
DerBuchmacher 16
your life sucks, but not your girlfriend.. sorry dude..
IndicaPaincakes 28
Was it her first too?
ExtremeEncounter 32
#1 How does his girlfriend not suck? She practically cheese-graded a guy's most sensitive region!
Llama_Face89 34
32- I truly hope so...
Awsemogreeb 19
I think They mean that literally. The bleeding was most likely caused by dry skin being rubbed raw, if the gf had done some oral this may have been avoided.
jdibartolo1 12
he was implying that she doesn't "suck dick"
1dvs_bstd 41
Bro, did you get a handjob from freddy kruger?
Steve95401 49
Or Edward Scissorhands?
cakefete2 31
Yes, #2, that's what happens when you get "wood" on Elm street.
gharra5 15
That's one hell of a wet dream...
redstone7693 29
haha I was going to say Edward scissorhands
burristhethird 16
I can't breathe! ??
Ololo_fml 16
she was doing it like a hibbon, I assume
lex1459 38
How could she possibly have looked at what she was doing and gone "yeah, I bet that feels good"
kent123654 14
Maybe she's really into masochism, so she thought that he'd enjoy it. Or alternatively, she could be really into sadism herself, and was enjoying the thought of causing his extreme displeasure.
xx000o 27
Maybe she doesn't know her own strength, or maybe she does and that was her not so subtle way of telling you to not ask for another one.
EvilLittleGirl 24
Maybe all of the above. Or she was multitasking and wasn't looking at what she was doing.
seriouslygrowup 11
**** gives unrealistic expectations. it was probably her first time too
bearstyle22 11
Oh baby jesus why
MrsPegg 45
How on earth?! Did she just yank it? Her lack of knowledge makes me wonder if y'all should even be sexually active. FYL indeed OP.
mellajella 14
I don't get why some women do this. Would they like it if I shoved my whole arm up their ****** right at the get-go? Probably not, so don't grab a penis like your hanging off a building 1000 feet in the air...
Inuyasha843 12
it put the lotion on the skin or it get the hose again sorry man but next time have lube or see if she can suck it it instead
gichikku 14
So she can grind her teeth on it??
WhoopteDo 26
It was an accident, don't be too hard-on her alright?
lex1459 38
Why do I get the vibe from this comment that you've been on the other end of this situation before..?
WhoopteDo 26
Actually it was a boner joke.. cause you know.. he had a hard-on.. but I mean, I was sincere about it being an accident..
JazzHandsFML 28
ma'm she almost ripped a guys dick off
MightyThoth 7
yes being top hard on her will cause more bleeding
Mohamedegypt 13
#49 your profile pic with your comment had me dying lol!!
katttt21 20
You should've let her know she was pulling too hard and not let her continue to hurt you. That would've helped your situation a whole lot.
TheKingKen 22
She probably pulled too fast that OP didn't have the time to react. Either way, I can't help but cringe.
albertozeta_fml 9
She broke your frenulum, it could happen.
MDoremis 38
One word: Lubrication. Use it.
TrippingOnAcid 29
You don't need to lubricate an uncircumcised penis for a hand job
MDoremis 38
It all depends on how dry or sweaty your hand(s) get, how long you plan on going, how tight or loose your grip is, and the general size. I've found your safest bet is to use some lube.
TrippingOnAcid 29
Do guys with foreskins lube up when they nash one out? Naaa
Ichiya 29
But guys know their own dick. If you aren't familiar with the dick your touching be safe and lube up.
Retaheki 27
People who are circumcised don't need lube.
DaBeast2929 6
I've never used lube. always wondered why people used it. I guess this is why.