Anonymous
Australia 🌶️ Spicy
Nasty
Today, I got my first hand job. I started bleeding. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
🌶️ Spicy
Traumatized knob
Today, I got my first handjob. I also found out today that a girl can pull your skin hard enough to cause it to bleed profusely. FML
southernluxe
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I got my first handjob. She ripped out a pube. It hurt so bad my eyes teared up. She asked what was wrong and not wanting to make her feel guilty I had to tell her it was "Just so good." FML
JoshuasGirl
Grand Rapids, United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After he'd repeatedly told me not to worry about bleeding, and reassuring me that he'd take care of me, he passed out halfway through. FML
Anonymous
🌶️ Spicy
Frustrated wank
Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML
Rumpkis
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML
anonymous
San Francisco, United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, was the first time giving head to my boyfriend. He couldn't finish, so I tried a handjob. In the end he kind of pushed my hand away so he could finish himself off. FML
nnniii
Seattle, United States 🌶️ Spicy
She's electric
Today, I tried to give my first hand-job while wearing fuzzy socks in a carpeted room. I reached out to touch his dick and shocked him. FML
bloody good time
🌶️ Spicy
Nosebleed
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and he slid his hand up near my face too fast and ended up clocking me in the nose. It is the first time that I've ever had nosebleed while orgasming. FML
Anonymous
Grand Rapids, United States
Today, I ran a hand down my freshly shaven leg to appreciate the smoothness, only to come up with a hand covered in blood. FML
Anonymous
Rosetown, Canada 🌶️ Spicy
Congrats
Today, after making love to my boyfriend for the first time, he shook my hand and said, "Good job." FML
Top comments
AsainChick 0
You shoul probably get that checked out...
saIty 17
That's when you know your pleaser is giving 120%.
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Comments (209)
AsainChick 0
You shoul probably get that checked out...
FFPulley 9
Wow. Did she have sandpaper on her hands?
revengePanda 0
Hmm I see you have already met Edward scissorhands sister...
marinus_fml 20
This is what happens when you get your salad tossed for you. Idiots put tomato sauce instead of mayonnaise in it. Unless you teach the other person how you like your salad...
RandomBlackMan 0
His virginity is lost.
Bethawny 0
a hand job? that's what happens when you have no job and play with puppets! how are your puppets bleeding!?
shannonreneee 11
Edward scissor hands is not very skilled in hand jobs. You don't want to know what he's like with blow jobs
Damn_Hippster 11
What kind of hand jobs do they give in Australia?
BB_ava 0
25, nice trolling?
lmfaoloool 0
He probably got his first period
Spanika87 0
37- thats not a normal Aussie handjob... Thats something completely different! Lol Plus us Aussie girls like blow jobs better!
Kyzahhh 7
Did you get to spray some baby gravy atleast?
stacianichole 2
Cause he has scissors for teeth too? Fail.
gojira666 7
16...what the **** are you talking about
Damn_Hippster 11
55- I'll keep that in mind ;)
juicedboi 7
She popped your cherry.. Somehow..
liquidfireKAN 0
are you by any chance Justin Beiber?
tatababe 1
Did she give you a hand job with a knife?
TheRealHouse 7
is she a construction worker?!
nixter5 18
Buy dat bitch some HAND LOTION
LaydiexSkull 3
I'm guessing she gave it to him rough
haiti4life 0
ASAP!!
dd809 9
I agree. You just have to learn to ignore the really stupid immature comments.
funkyspacemonkey 0
Do you play words with friends Asian girl?
Legendslayer222 26
@16; I think the point of your metaphor got lost somewhere along the lines.
MyMilkShake2Yard 0
At least u know u didnt catch STD
silvercamaro 22
37- they call em bloody mary's
fourchancookie 0
^ l l l Are you 12 years old??
glcerio 0
That's what happens when ya raw dog it
silvercamaro 22
229- I'm in high school
ijustcametosay 8
hey asainchick, I'd love to play balls with ya;)
rubberducky5609 3
Sure you are...
HollyDolly660 8
You're 14. You're barely in middle school...
Finn_the_human 5
Did she wear gloves?
ijustcametosay 8
wanna play soccer? (:
jessecax 0
259-you're probably a little freshman.
MaryLovesYall 0
259-haha I'm also a freshman and I'm not that stupid!! it ain't called a bloody Mary...I dunno if you were tryin to be funny or somethin but it didn't work...dip shit..
lilbrit 3
How has no one grammar nazi-ed this?!
nesscafe_fml 17
55- speak for yourself!
Kholonie 9
That is actually a good comparison. . . .
popemichael 9
Those sandpaper gloves from Home Depot
ckr911 5
How awkward o___o
MagicallyFat 12
Is ur lover Fredy Kruger by any chance
JuanStar 0
Or Edward Scissorhands??
NuTrees 9
Pff Wolverine did it
BraBrando 0
I think she just had great staying power while she was spanking his ferret, a little too much power.
MetallicaRules19 4
Guy hymen :P
PremierWu1 7
Guymen?
hjbeachbum 0
That is my math teachers name....hehehehe
bitchslapped22 14
159- WIN
Gurljuice 0
Gross
Susieee_Q 9
Yeah, when I was reading this my reaction was: "Nice! Congra-- Uhh...."
Capt_Awesome137 0
Lolz #3 like the name :P
apv0222 0
From were exactly did u start bleeding?
alexchiltonLC 7
Wow she must have quite the friction burn
TheNewGuy03 29
Nah, she's just abrasive.
Killuhk 8
Okay i'm 19 and I don't completely understand how the **** this could happen? Lol some one explain please...
Schnyduh 4
Damn
kaengelangeleyes 9
EXACTLY what I said when I read this, lol
Schnyduh 4
Lol right?
sissors1234 4
I you like the sabres? Best team ever!
saIty 17
That's when you know your pleaser is giving 120%.
waldoo37 8
Comedy genius there my good sir
iloveyouu_24 0
I found Waldo. #99
angryoriental 0
Owwwwwwwww suck
bizarre_ftw 22
That's when you stop calling your pleaser your pleaser
mxrider4 0
That's ****** up
popemichael 9
It's the age old problem as to what to do if your partner starts smoking in bed... You slow down and use a bit more lube. Though blood does technically count as lube in this situation.
caboose003 0
It's called "Lube"
james_aka_frosty 3
For a hand job?
icefshng8 9
Yeah......
nixter5 18
Obviously 78 doesn't ********** much...
whippymcdumb4zs 0
It's not "lube" dumb-ass, it's jerkins hand lotion.
caboose003 0
A handjob isn't a handjob without lube haha :p not a good one anyway ;)
StopDropNRoll 11
Can't forget the kleenix!
manbearpig7173 0
183 that's what the mouth is for ;)
Mauskau 36
Doesn't feel very nice unless you're used to it.
raauul_4 5
Or spit...
gunnar7240 0
no joke man this has happened to me before
bobateme 0
I always say put lube until you think you put enough, then put more.
ikickgingers 15
Uh.
Badab1ng 5
Go hard bro, go hard!
jessamy_brit 5
She's obviously a girl
BADDiam 4
Handjobs are better than no jobs
Yodaevil 4
Sorry, I don't need a women to do what I've perfected! :) if a girl tries to rub me off, I stop her, she's useless then.
flydragonpie 2
are you gay?
KennKenn 0
23- You have too much free time. Go outside, seriously.
jvillan87 5
What 23 is trying to say is: "I've never actually had someone give me a handjob, let alone had sex. I only prefer my hand because I've never felt anything else before...cept my father's pocket pussy I steal when he's not home."
stephan18 23
23 made me lol! Hahahahaha
krakadilian 0
Thats hilarious
KyriosX 1
23 look out of your window...that's the outside and that's a girl within the outside...go talk to her
bizarre_ftw 22
204 - but will she talk back?......... Ah the suspense
smc3106 25
Within the outside? What? Lol
RecklessJellyBea 7
This is one of the downsides to ***********.
aFatFuck 0
Are there upsides to ***********?
themacuser 0
Being a beast?
HomeAl0ne 20
There's a topside. Makes a nice steak.