Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML
Today, me and my girlfriend were heading back to her place. On the way there, she was rubbing and stroking me. When we got there, I asked her mom for a congrats hug. I forgot I had a hard on from my girlfriend. She felt it. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going at it doggy style, really fast, when she started laughing. I asked her what was so amusing and she giggled, "I can't feel anything in there." FML
Today, I went all the way for the first time with my girlfriend. After I had finished, she asked me, "What just happened? Was that sex?" I wasn't sure either. FML
Today, my girlfriend of two years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML
Today, I made love to my girlfriend. I penetrated her for a while, then stopped to get my breath back... She carried on moaning even though I'd stopped moving. FML
Today, as my girlfriend and I were making out, I slowly took my clothes off and revealed my body to her for the first time. She looked, smiled, and said reassuringly, "Aww, don't worry. I know how it's supposed to look." FML
Today, as my girlfriend and I were making love, and she started to moan and groan. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "I'm lying, you suck at this." FML
Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I started to put my hands down his pants and jokingly said, "Sorry, I'm not very good at hand jobs." He replied, "I know." FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
You sure were hard... Hard to find.
cuddly_scorpion 4
Well, shit.
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Comments (66)
cuddly_scorpion 4
Well, shit.
ElatedEarthling 15
Its not too bad. First time making out and he almost got a hand job. Who knows what's in store for the second time? (if there even is a second time)
limitedition 25
Sounds a little soul crushing. Hopefully next time will go better for you.
Blacksabbath211 9
Sounds like you've got a little problem there ;-)
rg350dx 29
That's a Tiny bit of a low blow don't you think?
davincidasecond 24
I agree. Keep your head up OP!
Blacksabbath211 9
28- I didn't see what you did there for a sec...I must appear to be going soft in the head
MistySky 17
It might be hard to tell, but this is getting a little out of hand here... :x
182yellowgreen41 10
It's a small problem with a hard solution
Blacksabbath211 9
33- I think it's very safe to say this is not likely to grow into a large issue ;)
flockz 20
i wonder how OP feels knowing the thread of puns making fun of his little guy is now longer than it will ever be.
isallwaysme 27
Hey. Don't make fun of a guy with a tiny penis. Having a tiny penis is like having a disability. You wouldn't make fun of someone in a wheelchair now would you?! Wait a minute.. This is FML, who am I kidding.
TrueTriage 16
33 speaking of hand jokes. Who wants to start this off? Orhando Bloom? Jennifer Handiston?
Blacksabbath211 9
58- Dr. HANDible Lector
AngelSpit 18
I got to hand it to you guys this thread is a head above the rest. i feel bad OP got shafted but look on the bright side I'm sure other good things will -come- your way, you'll see(men) this through :)
aaronh212 6
62, Or miss Pamela Handerson.
RodzillaX 30
Handgelina Jolie
Brockulus 4
Well at least you both had some hands on experience in such a Hard situation.
HiIAmKevin 8
I thought it would be that band from a few years back. You know, HANDson?
green2go 14
Handoff the grey
Jaevwyn 17
I think 105 killed it :/
sabrinaacrow 26
Do some penis exercises to make it grow more
AbstraktThoughts 13
It's not about how big it is, it's about how you use it ;)
sabrinaacrow 26
I'm pretty sure the exercises would help with that too ;)
twinkiefeets 17
18-- it's ALL about how big it is. Anyone saying it's how you use it is lying.
Poppipuff 14
18- That's what people with small ones say.
twinkiefeets 17
53--exactly!!!
falafalo 25
It's not the size of the ship or the motion of the ocean, it's whether or not the captain stays in port long enough to get all of the passengers off.
EsotericBrent 29
"Looks like a needle, moves like a sewing machine."
stevothedevo 25
**** push-ups.
Nucl3arMoos3 7
Dick ups
twinkiefeets 17
Put a sock down there
cosmosis 12
... And then what?
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Get really sweaty, I'm guessing.
jizzwold 21
Everyone needs a good ol' **** sock.
Wizardo 34
Well you should've whipped it out and showed her, then proceed to the next base with all the skill and grace of a hard man ;)
jipster 11
Well, its not your fault.
tnlander 20
Some times you just can't fight genetics.
sig4life 18
Time for the **** pump. But first time making out, skipping bases already, he just should've whipped it out to show her. This kids and their baggy jeans.
DocBastard 40
You sure were hard... Hard to find.
sopherz2322 1
hahahaha! i was waiting for that comment!
Jharrist89 12
Remind her that "one size fits all".
lo_and_behold 11
Or at least it's "one size fits most"!
noobsatin 19
that sucks. but at least, well there really isn't an at least on this one.