Today, we had guests coming over. My dad wanted me to make some bacon, but I refused because I'm a vegetarian, and don't like to touch meat. His response? 'Good joke honey, now make the bacon.' FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML
Today, I was struck at home with a stomach virus. My dad, being an occasional insensitive smart-ass, decided to cook some bacon, sit right in front of the couch I was lying on, and eat the bacon. Last time I tried to eat bacon with a stomach virus... Not pretty. FML
Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML
Today, my girlfriend's parents wanted to cook dinner for me. After a whole day of cooking up a storm, her parents cooked an elaborate meal of roast lamb, pork chops and grilled chicken. Rejecting a meal is like spitting in ones face in Chinese culture. I'm vegetarian. FML
Today, I realized my father-in-law is basically Ron Swanson, when at a barbecue he ate some of my daughter's vegan sausages by mistake. When I told him they were vegan, he went to the bathroom, forced himself to throw them up, then sat and demolished 4 burgers, 8 sausages, and 6 chicken thighs, "LIKE A REAL MAN!" FML
Today, my loving but absent-minded father gave me a packet of ham for my birthday, which would be pretty shit even if I hadn't been a strict vegetarian for the last 27 years. FML
Today, I woke up to the smell of bacon. It smelled so good, and made me very hungry. Then I realized it was my neighbor cooking. I have no money or bacon. FML
Today, my dad opened my fridge, let rip a horrible fart into it, then closed it and said "There ya go, a little somethin' for supper." FML
Today, my mom told me that when my sister and I were born, the first thing my dad said was, "I hope they don't turn out vegetarian." I did. FML
Today, my dad announced to the whole family that we will be having a vegetarian dinner this Christmas to make my step-mum happy. FML
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Top comments
DemonChicken 0
or maybe the,"good joke honey" was sarcasm for,"I know you've given a million handjobs,just touch it" think about it!!
tencentsakiss 19
or your dad knows you are a vegetarian but assumed that you could still at least touch meat. refusing to touch it seems extreme.
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Comments (571)
mikagesouji 0
Your fault for not doing as you're told. The man supported your ass for as long as you've lived. He asks you to do a simple task and you refuse it due to some stupid belief of yours. Ungrateful much? He didn't even ask you to eat it, so stop whining and make that bacon!
OverBlossomed 22
Her belief is not stupid, but your bigotry is.
BeyondDespair 0
#360 And you fail for not knowning how to spell *a Vegetarian. Haha
lajaynay 15
I've seen the PETA videos and I've helped butcher pigs for food and I still love bacon, beef, chicken, etc. I don't let emotions for "teh poh piggies and cows" ruin my desire for red meat from four legged animals! in facttt, just had a yummy steak today with shrimp and Parmesan cheese all over it. delish as hell. Vegans and such people can keep to their bland, leafy greens and I'll go and buy a Wendy's Baconater. ;D
PhillyFox 0
So you threw a fit about it? I personally don't give a shit if you eat meat or not, but to me it sounded like you were being a stuck up bitch about it. Just because you don't eat meat doesn't mean nobody else shouldn't be allowed to. It's not like you were forced to sit down and eat it.
OverBlossomed 22
Her father could've made it himself then.
jellybeans4833 7
if everything is so bad..how bout we dont eat at all?!:D
dragonmystik3030 0
Vegetarian - Ancient tribal slang for the village idiot that can't hunt or fish!
kkal 0
vegitarians and stupid bcuz meat is good for you and pill r bad for you and plants are living to u stupid veggs
Silkie 0
It's one thing to not eat meat, but you're just a sissy if you won't even touch the stuff. Suck it up.
kombucha_fml 8
vegetarians don't save the world!
mytheyeless 1
I say being a vegeterian is no reason to be lazy. touch, the meat, play, with the meat, enjoy, the meat...