Today, we had guests coming over. My dad wanted me to make some bacon, but I refused because I'm a vegetarian, and don't like to touch meat. His response? 'Good joke honey, now make the bacon.' FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML
Today, I was struck at home with a stomach virus. My dad, being an occasional insensitive smart-ass, decided to cook some bacon, sit right in front of the couch I was lying on, and eat the bacon. Last time I tried to eat bacon with a stomach virus... Not pretty. FML
Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML
Today, my girlfriend's parents wanted to cook dinner for me. After a whole day of cooking up a storm, her parents cooked an elaborate meal of roast lamb, pork chops and grilled chicken. Rejecting a meal is like spitting in ones face in Chinese culture. I'm vegetarian. FML
Today, I realized my father-in-law is basically Ron Swanson, when at a barbecue he ate some of my daughter's vegan sausages by mistake. When I told him they were vegan, he went to the bathroom, forced himself to throw them up, then sat and demolished 4 burgers, 8 sausages, and 6 chicken thighs, "LIKE A REAL MAN!" FML
Today, my loving but absent-minded father gave me a packet of ham for my birthday, which would be pretty shit even if I hadn't been a strict vegetarian for the last 27 years. FML
Today, I woke up to the smell of bacon. It smelled so good, and made me very hungry. Then I realized it was my neighbor cooking. I have no money or bacon. FML
Today, my dad opened my fridge, let rip a horrible fart into it, then closed it and said "There ya go, a little somethin' for supper." FML
Today, my mom told me that when my sister and I were born, the first thing my dad said was, "I hope they don't turn out vegetarian." I did. FML
Today, my dad announced to the whole family that we will be having a vegetarian dinner this Christmas to make my step-mum happy. FML
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Top comments
DemonChicken 0
or maybe the,"good joke honey" was sarcasm for,"I know you've given a million handjobs,just touch it" think about it!!
tencentsakiss 19
or your dad knows you are a vegetarian but assumed that you could still at least touch meat. refusing to touch it seems extreme.
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Comments (571)
rttr 18
Meat can be bad for you, people who eat meat have higher risks if heart attacks and other deadly things. sorry OP. BTW I'm also a vegitarian.
iateapenguin 27
And not eating meat can severely deprive you of proteins, zinc, vitamin B12, omega-3s and other essential fats that are replaced by carbs and more carbs which leads to - you guessed it - heart disease and other deadly things! :D Primates aren't supposed to have vegetarian diets. Cows are. If animal cruelty is your problem, then eat organic meat, you'll be expanding the market for it.
madamefabulous 11
You didn't, though. You were born at the top. -.-
plasticspoon 0
Im with number 1on this
BubblyNinja13 0
I honestly don't see what the big deal is. You could've worn gloves or something.
Lovleyreign 0
If your trying to think of nature and animals you really have to look at the big picture. There's a cycle and in the modern day, we are the biggest predictor out there. We are SUPPOSE to eat other animals because that's how we where MADE. People that disrupt the cycle, disrupt nature. In that sense you are against nature and animals. Stop trying to seem like your doing good thing, cause your not.
Jawa99 9
I totally know how you feel. I'm a vegetarian myself, and once, we were making turkey for Thanksgiving so I asked if I could be excused from the lesson because of my beliefs. The teacher laughed and said, "So, do you want to fail instead?"
Strafeh 9
Beat your meat Bet the game
Skimbap 0
how about suck it and stop being a pussy?
ronniejacobs 6
Meat is good why would you even be a vegetarian?
OverBlossomed 22
Fruit is good too. Not everyone likes it.
Evilbear 16
FYL, I totally understand you, I don't want to touch meat too. Everyone's like y u no eat them animals eat animals too, it's nature. But putting animals in small shelters too torture them and eventually eat them is not nature, so stfu