Today, we had guests coming over. My dad wanted me to make some bacon, but I refused because I'm a vegetarian, and don't like to touch meat. His response? 'Good joke honey, now make the bacon.' FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML
Today, I was struck at home with a stomach virus. My dad, being an occasional insensitive smart-ass, decided to cook some bacon, sit right in front of the couch I was lying on, and eat the bacon. Last time I tried to eat bacon with a stomach virus... Not pretty. FML
Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML
Today, my girlfriend's parents wanted to cook dinner for me. After a whole day of cooking up a storm, her parents cooked an elaborate meal of roast lamb, pork chops and grilled chicken. Rejecting a meal is like spitting in ones face in Chinese culture. I'm vegetarian. FML
Today, I realized my father-in-law is basically Ron Swanson, when at a barbecue he ate some of my daughter's vegan sausages by mistake. When I told him they were vegan, he went to the bathroom, forced himself to throw them up, then sat and demolished 4 burgers, 8 sausages, and 6 chicken thighs, "LIKE A REAL MAN!" FML
Today, my loving but absent-minded father gave me a packet of ham for my birthday, which would be pretty shit even if I hadn't been a strict vegetarian for the last 27 years. FML
Today, I woke up to the smell of bacon. It smelled so good, and made me very hungry. Then I realized it was my neighbor cooking. I have no money or bacon. FML
Today, my dad opened my fridge, let rip a horrible fart into it, then closed it and said "There ya go, a little somethin' for supper." FML
Today, my mom told me that when my sister and I were born, the first thing my dad said was, "I hope they don't turn out vegetarian." I did. FML
Today, my dad announced to the whole family that we will be having a vegetarian dinner this Christmas to make my step-mum happy. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
DemonChicken 0
or maybe the,"good joke honey" was sarcasm for,"I know you've given a million handjobs,just touch it" think about it!!
tencentsakiss 19
or your dad knows you are a vegetarian but assumed that you could still at least touch meat. refusing to touch it seems extreme.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (571)
jjesseroggaa 3
I love meat. I love the stuff that makes it BURN WHEN YOU POOP! :O
misarei 0
just make the bacon and eat it! you won't make a diffrence, might as well enjoy it. make the slaughtering worth while. its delicious! :)
gatorbait12345 0
get over it
dillies 3
with or without wings???????
tiannnna 0
I've been vegetarian too, for about 8 years. It's not unnatural, and it's very healthy. Vegetarians happen to be the healthiest people on earth, statiscally speaking. (when I say vegetarians, I mean VEGETARIANS, NOT VEGANS.) So all you rednecks who commented above might want to try eating less fat encrusted meat like bacon ;). You'll probably end up dying of heart attacks, high blood pressure, cholesterol and the like. GOOD LUCK.
saliva3737 0
I bet you hug trees too.
RedPillSucks 33
It's even better when they hug you back.
JokeMeister 0
Because itsstupid and he can't believe that of you. You were kind of bummed he didn't acknowledge your personal statement, hunh?Doofus.
RyRy965 0
#45 you cute and all but stfu bacon is delicious what you should do is slit the throat
SarcasticBunny 0
I'm a vegan, but I have no problem preparing meat for my family as long as I'm not going to eat it. You should accept the fact that other people are omnivores just as the fact you're a veggie and get a grip. Oh wow, bacon! It's the end of the world!
Bochese 0
if you suck dick you eat meat suck it up an cook the bacon