Today, we had guests coming over. My dad wanted me to make some bacon, but I refused because I'm a vegetarian, and don't like to touch meat. His response? 'Good joke honey, now make the bacon.' FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML
Today, I was struck at home with a stomach virus. My dad, being an occasional insensitive smart-ass, decided to cook some bacon, sit right in front of the couch I was lying on, and eat the bacon. Last time I tried to eat bacon with a stomach virus... Not pretty. FML
Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML
Today, my girlfriend's parents wanted to cook dinner for me. After a whole day of cooking up a storm, her parents cooked an elaborate meal of roast lamb, pork chops and grilled chicken. Rejecting a meal is like spitting in ones face in Chinese culture. I'm vegetarian. FML
Today, I realized my father-in-law is basically Ron Swanson, when at a barbecue he ate some of my daughter's vegan sausages by mistake. When I told him they were vegan, he went to the bathroom, forced himself to throw them up, then sat and demolished 4 burgers, 8 sausages, and 6 chicken thighs, "LIKE A REAL MAN!" FML
Today, my loving but absent-minded father gave me a packet of ham for my birthday, which would be pretty shit even if I hadn't been a strict vegetarian for the last 27 years. FML
Today, I woke up to the smell of bacon. It smelled so good, and made me very hungry. Then I realized it was my neighbor cooking. I have no money or bacon. FML
Today, my dad opened my fridge, let rip a horrible fart into it, then closed it and said "There ya go, a little somethin' for supper." FML
Today, my mom told me that when my sister and I were born, the first thing my dad said was, "I hope they don't turn out vegetarian." I did. FML
Today, my dad announced to the whole family that we will be having a vegetarian dinner this Christmas to make my step-mum happy. FML
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Top comments
DemonChicken 0
or maybe the,"good joke honey" was sarcasm for,"I know you've given a million handjobs,just touch it" think about it!!
tencentsakiss 19
or your dad knows you are a vegetarian but assumed that you could still at least touch meat. refusing to touch it seems extreme.
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Comments (571)
MaxSnacks 0
darwinian theory states that lesser beings will be weeded out for the purpose of advancing the gene pool. lesser beasts - cows chickens pigs etc. - are eaten because we humans, as the dominant race, and being genetically superior, keep the lesser animals' populations in check by eating them. it's the way of the universe; **** all of you who think " omg thats so mean!" you are just trying to seem intellectual when you are really just a whiny douche trying to fit in with some indy hippie crowd.
tb15 0
Think about this scenario person A could gain from murdering person B using that "darwinian theory" logic, killing person B would help person A advance and would simply be the weak being destroyed by the strong, survival of the fittest, which you stated is not immoral. I strongly believe in Evolution, but I also believe that Darwinian theory cannot be applied to morals.
VSEPR 0
It is important to understand that the theory of natural selection is not some sort of moral code, but rather (like everything in science) a description of natural events. Tb15 is correct: you simply cannot try to apply it to morals. As has been said somewhere else in the comments, lots of things that we would not do as humans happen in nature - such as black widow spiders eating their mates. If I published a paper stating that black widow spiders eat their mates, this would in no way be suggesting that it is moral for humans to start eating their sexual partners. It is also a common misunderstanding of the theory of evolution that humans are somehow superior to or even descended from other races on earth. Each and every species on earth is the product of its own path of natural selection, and no one is "genetically superior". I could easily argue that, based on how well they have propagated (the benchmark of success in natural selection) insects are genetically superior to humans. Ditto for bacteria, and plants. Evolution is a science. It does nothing to justify the actions of humans, or to rebuff them. It merely tries to explain how the world works. And just so I don't get a personal attack as a reply, for the record, I eat meat. Probably too much.
Chocolate_Chunk 2
VSEPR is right. But MaxSnacks is obviously an anti-evolution troll. They are easy to spot, everytime you read "darwinian" or "darwinist", you know you're dealing with a fundie. @VSEPR: Just two things.. Firstly, bacterias, at least a big part of them, aren't superior. To be successfull in an evolutionary sense, you have to be really well adapted to your surrounding. The bacterias that kill or otherwise threaten their host are obviously not well adapted, because they'll die with the host. Of course, there are many well adapted bacterias, like the ones we need for digestion. Secondly, you have to rule in that our morals diddn't just spring up one day but were also built by evolution. For example, "helping others" came from the simple fact that your survival rate was higher when the rest of your tribe was alive and well. (It probably developed way before humans formed tribes, before humans as we know em even existed, but I think you'll know what I'm trying to say)
rent_hearts_love 0
Idk how your life sucks because of this but............. Vote 4 Shane Dawson in the Teen Choice Awards!! :)
ChocolateEclaire 0
337 Actually vegetarians don't live as long. My mom worked on a study to see if they really do, and no, they don't.
OverBlossomed 22
One study doesn't mean a damn thing.
girly_boi 3
Hm. Just for the record, not all vegetarians choose to not eat meat because they feel for the things with big brown eyes. I'm vegetarian, and my brother is vegan. He does it as a challenge to himself - to see if he can maintain a healthy body while severely limiting his options for food. I do it because I feel like crap when I eat meat. Yeah, it tastes great at the time, but the next day or so, my stomach hurts and I have trouble waking up in the morning. I do know that people who are worried about the feelings of the animals should just shut up, get a therapist, and get over it. I grew up on a farm - most of those animals are dumber than a box of rocks. Especially chickens, cows, sheep, and dogs (and no, I don't know anyone who eats dogs.) The only animals I would consider granting as having some intelligence would have to be horses and goats. Horses - they are really really really easily trained, meaning they can make mental connections, cause and effect, but still adjust their reactions to fit different situations, meaning they aren't just lame little ***** like dogs are. Goats - they don't have to be trained, they can get into and out of any space you can possibly put them in. Especially pygmies. I even used to have one goat that enjoyed the taste of white wine (never red, he'd turn up his nose at that.) I have nothing to say about fish. I couldn't care less unless they look good in an aquarium.
elmucks 0
Just suck it up and cook the goddamn bacon. It's not like he's making you EAT it.
me_sanchez 0
what kind of people feed bacon to their guests?
Geor12 0
not hating on vegetarians but where to we find people like this afraid to cook some bacon, if u chose to do smthg weird thats ur choice but to not cook bacon for your man and friends that just funny. my girl friend tried to pull that stuff on me and now i have her eating salami when she wants a snack.... Good man gave good answer, instead of engaging in stupid debate.
molil_4810 0
hentai!!!
Mylees 0
bacon for guest? how hospitable!!!
kathira120 3
hey, OP, I know exactly where you're coming from...I'm a vegetarian too, and it's hard to get by without people criticizing you (point and case, above!) but yeah, next time, get vegetarian bacon. that'll show him!!