Today, we had guests coming over. My dad wanted me to make some bacon, but I refused because I'm a vegetarian, and don't like to touch meat. His response? 'Good joke honey, now make the bacon.' FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML
Today, I was struck at home with a stomach virus. My dad, being an occasional insensitive smart-ass, decided to cook some bacon, sit right in front of the couch I was lying on, and eat the bacon. Last time I tried to eat bacon with a stomach virus... Not pretty. FML
Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML
Today, my girlfriend's parents wanted to cook dinner for me. After a whole day of cooking up a storm, her parents cooked an elaborate meal of roast lamb, pork chops and grilled chicken. Rejecting a meal is like spitting in ones face in Chinese culture. I'm vegetarian. FML
Today, I realized my father-in-law is basically Ron Swanson, when at a barbecue he ate some of my daughter's vegan sausages by mistake. When I told him they were vegan, he went to the bathroom, forced himself to throw them up, then sat and demolished 4 burgers, 8 sausages, and 6 chicken thighs, "LIKE A REAL MAN!" FML
Today, my loving but absent-minded father gave me a packet of ham for my birthday, which would be pretty shit even if I hadn't been a strict vegetarian for the last 27 years. FML
Today, I woke up to the smell of bacon. It smelled so good, and made me very hungry. Then I realized it was my neighbor cooking. I have no money or bacon. FML
Today, my dad opened my fridge, let rip a horrible fart into it, then closed it and said "There ya go, a little somethin' for supper." FML
Today, my mom told me that when my sister and I were born, the first thing my dad said was, "I hope they don't turn out vegetarian." I did. FML
Today, my dad announced to the whole family that we will be having a vegetarian dinner this Christmas to make my step-mum happy. FML
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Top comments
DemonChicken 0
or maybe the,"good joke honey" was sarcasm for,"I know you've given a million handjobs,just touch it" think about it!!
tencentsakiss 19
or your dad knows you are a vegetarian but assumed that you could still at least touch meat. refusing to touch it seems extreme.
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Comments (571)
7g23 0
Cegetarianism is just unnatural, the easiest and most natural way to survive is how humans instinctively eat. And if you think you're doing what's morally right, tell me this, where does it say in your religion's book that it's bad to eat meat. Given the book of Leviticus in the holy bible restricts certain types of meat, but only to the extentthat would makes sense, foods that often cause illness if not cooked properly. All you vegetarians can eat what you want, but let me tell you, your missing out.
SaturnE_fml 0
If you had to hunt, kill, clean and prepare your meat, would you still say it's more natural? I'd be more inclined to pull the nearest thing off a tree or out of the ground and eat.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
315: Please refer to comment 435 (currently on page 6 in the app). If you examine the principles behind some of the OT Hebrew dietary laws, you can certainly build a case for 'Christian' vegan- or vegetarianism. The modern meat industry does not generally value or respect animal life at all. The Hebrews *did*; after all, animal life was considered valuable enough to atone for their sins, even if it wasn't considered equal to human life.
tencentsakiss 19
haha saying not to plant your field with two kinds of seed sounds more like it's trying to tell you in a discrete way not to have sex with two men at once.
OverBlossomed 22
Missing out? Really? It's meat. Who cares? I prefer fruit. Tastes sweeter.
TanyaKJC 9
#315 really? Who said being vegetarian had ANYTHING to do with a religion? I was atheist when I chose to become a vegetarian. I sure as hell never used a stupid book or religion to tell me what to do. I did so because I didn't wanna partake in the way they get treated just for consumption. Will I shove that down others throats? Not as long as they show the same respect. I'm not missing out on anything. Vegetarian companies are making meatless meat that I love more than I ever did with the real stuff. Open your mind and quit judging, please. Let me live my life and you live yours
pieface01 0
LMFAO #38...Yeah vegitarians and vegans are extremely stupid. obviously it is against the natural order, but one more thing (well, I could go on for hours but here it one). Vegetarians have a much shorter life expectancy than people who eat meat in moderation (and no, not that type of meat #38 lol. Plus it tastes good. So not only are you missing out (sucker), but you are killing yourself.
katplayer 4
I'm vegetarian and the one argument against veggies I can't stand is "its unnaturl lul". Do a bit of research to see how many chemicals they pump into farm animals to make them grow faster and bigger and see how natural it is to eat the kind of meat most of us do. I'd understand if you still want to eat meat from a local, more respectable farm or something (it was a bit hard to give up at first for me) but hell, half the burgers people eat today are FAR from natural. And FYI, vegetarians actually tack on a few more years to their lives. And if we're still talking about that kind of meat here, they taste better too. ;D
SaturnE_fml 0
Can I taste you and see if you really do?
OverBlossomed 22
Lots of food tastes good, idiot. Dairy tastes good. Pasta tastes good. Fruit tastes good. I eat meat, but I'd pick either of the first three over meat any day if I had the option.
TanyaKJC 9
#317. Please, research before you speak. You would look a lot less dumb. Vegetarians are proven to live longer, healthier lives. Don't believe me? Look it up and be enlightened by the truth
SaturnE_fml 0
No, they can't get everything they need from"vitamins & soy beans", etc. You need "source" foods. First - Vegetables are filled with Vitamins. If you really eat that much vegetable matter -- **** the vitamins. Second, you need more protein. So NUTS. And lots of nuts. Eat nuts.
pieface01 0
LMFAO
TrueRaiderFan22 0
it's always a chick that is vegan
Ghostfire258 3
vegietarians r stupidd
McVexen 0
#317, etc. As a vegitarian, I don't make judgments on you. If I feel like I don't want to eat meat, for health, religious, or purely personal reasons then it's my business, not yours. And I don't know where you have been getting your information, because vegitarians actually have a longer life expectancy and overall better health. However, unlike you I don't feel the need to force other people to live the same way I do.
Soniclover3 0
You go Veggie Girl
JulzKay 0
OP, I understand the annoyance. I wouldn't say its an FML, but it's definitely irritating. I'm a Vegan, because I have an intolerance to Meat and Dairy, and my dad keeps forgetting and offering me meat dishes. But, when they get older, they just, tend to brain-fart on these things occasionally. Don't let him get to you, just kindly remind him. Besides, he was busy getting ready to have people over, so his mind wasn't exactly focussed in the way it normally is.
binkybaby 3
I took this more as your dad making an inappropriate joke...ya know...you saying "I don't touch meat" and your dad referring to "penis" which is sometimes referred to as "meat"...that's just how I took it. I may be waaay off however.