Today, we had guests coming over. My dad wanted me to make some bacon, but I refused because I'm a vegetarian, and don't like to touch meat. His response? 'Good joke honey, now make the bacon.' FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML
Today, I was struck at home with a stomach virus. My dad, being an occasional insensitive smart-ass, decided to cook some bacon, sit right in front of the couch I was lying on, and eat the bacon. Last time I tried to eat bacon with a stomach virus... Not pretty. FML
Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML
Today, my girlfriend's parents wanted to cook dinner for me. After a whole day of cooking up a storm, her parents cooked an elaborate meal of roast lamb, pork chops and grilled chicken. Rejecting a meal is like spitting in ones face in Chinese culture. I'm vegetarian. FML
Today, I realized my father-in-law is basically Ron Swanson, when at a barbecue he ate some of my daughter's vegan sausages by mistake. When I told him they were vegan, he went to the bathroom, forced himself to throw them up, then sat and demolished 4 burgers, 8 sausages, and 6 chicken thighs, "LIKE A REAL MAN!" FML
Today, my loving but absent-minded father gave me a packet of ham for my birthday, which would be pretty shit even if I hadn't been a strict vegetarian for the last 27 years. FML
Today, I woke up to the smell of bacon. It smelled so good, and made me very hungry. Then I realized it was my neighbor cooking. I have no money or bacon. FML
Today, my dad opened my fridge, let rip a horrible fart into it, then closed it and said "There ya go, a little somethin' for supper." FML
Today, my mom told me that when my sister and I were born, the first thing my dad said was, "I hope they don't turn out vegetarian." I did. FML
Today, my dad announced to the whole family that we will be having a vegetarian dinner this Christmas to make my step-mum happy. FML
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Top comments
DemonChicken 0
or maybe the,"good joke honey" was sarcasm for,"I know you've given a million handjobs,just touch it" think about it!!
tencentsakiss 19
or your dad knows you are a vegetarian but assumed that you could still at least touch meat. refusing to touch it seems extreme.
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Comments (571)
stinkykitty 0
#163- it is outrages to state that our "digestive system is not meant to digest meat" of course it is, the evidence is our teeth, **** sapiens (modern humans) are meant to have both veggies and meat combain. plus, meat carries the fatty acids that restore nerve tissue.
SaturnE_fml 0
OK. You rage out your combain. However, your proof is contradicted by proof that meat inflames your colon, stomach and other tissues. See Chron's disease. Yes, fiber and vegetables make it worse, but it's because of the inflammation meat products caused. Also, meat sits around in your digestive track, thus intestinal cleansing fasts. * Nerves don't repair, muscle and other tissue is what protein and fatty acids repair. These are found in almonds and other sources.
chapachristina4 0
idk if #352 said this cuz he used alot of words lol but when you don't eat meat for a long time then your stomach is not used to digesting it, so it can lead to severe constipation.
Spenny1515 0
The bacon is already dead. Cooking it won't make it, or any other animal, less dead. Besides, it was going to get cooked anyway. What's the problem here? Btw, meat is awesome.
aardvarkish 17
I think Ali G said it best: If some one killed a chicken in front of you, and then said, "Eat this chicken, or I'll kill another chicken, what would you do?"
Raddaya 3
I'd let him kill the other chicken, then eat them both.
Houndourpup 0
ydi for being rediculous youre not eating it
NickK49 0
52 I'll think of your profile pic so I last longer *shudder*
Jstarks 0
I have no respect for all the veggies who say meat us unatural now. I go hunting every year and I get the best meat possible so SHUT UP!
OverBlossomed 22
Attitudes like yours are why I think hunting should be outlawed.
lalala098 0
you veggie haters can SUCK IT. I'm a veg and I think your dad might be stupid if ya haven't figured it out xD stick with who you are and be a veg forever!!! :D VEGETARIANS ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
pyromcr 3
you fail for being q vegitarian. go shoot something!!!
skyeyez9 25
I dont care what you choose to eat, as long as I don't preached at about why I should eat a certain way by anybody. Vegan? yay, I'm happy for you, but don't act like you're superior cause the food you eat is different and vice versa.
ilikepieanddylan 0
if he/she doesn't want to slit the throat of innocent animals and be a borderline cannibal he's a bad person that makes sence you say that murder is wrong but by the way humans are animals too so apperantly slaughterhouses are not killing people just animals that makes sence so there's a diffrence between stringing up your cat sliting it's throat than a cows you people make me sick