Today, we had guests coming over. My dad wanted me to make some bacon, but I refused because I'm a vegetarian, and don't like to touch meat. His response? 'Good joke honey, now make the bacon.' FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML
Today, I was struck at home with a stomach virus. My dad, being an occasional insensitive smart-ass, decided to cook some bacon, sit right in front of the couch I was lying on, and eat the bacon. Last time I tried to eat bacon with a stomach virus... Not pretty. FML
Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML
Today, my girlfriend's parents wanted to cook dinner for me. After a whole day of cooking up a storm, her parents cooked an elaborate meal of roast lamb, pork chops and grilled chicken. Rejecting a meal is like spitting in ones face in Chinese culture. I'm vegetarian. FML
Today, I realized my father-in-law is basically Ron Swanson, when at a barbecue he ate some of my daughter's vegan sausages by mistake. When I told him they were vegan, he went to the bathroom, forced himself to throw them up, then sat and demolished 4 burgers, 8 sausages, and 6 chicken thighs, "LIKE A REAL MAN!" FML
Today, my loving but absent-minded father gave me a packet of ham for my birthday, which would be pretty shit even if I hadn't been a strict vegetarian for the last 27 years. FML
Today, I woke up to the smell of bacon. It smelled so good, and made me very hungry. Then I realized it was my neighbor cooking. I have no money or bacon. FML
Today, my dad opened my fridge, let rip a horrible fart into it, then closed it and said "There ya go, a little somethin' for supper." FML
Today, my mom told me that when my sister and I were born, the first thing my dad said was, "I hope they don't turn out vegetarian." I did. FML
Today, my dad announced to the whole family that we will be having a vegetarian dinner this Christmas to make my step-mum happy. FML
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Top comments
DemonChicken 0
or maybe the,"good joke honey" was sarcasm for,"I know you've given a million handjobs,just touch it" think about it!!
tencentsakiss 19
or your dad knows you are a vegetarian but assumed that you could still at least touch meat. refusing to touch it seems extreme.
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Comments (571)
carross21 0
If you actually did research you would know that most people agree meat is bad for humans
blueocean43 2
Uh, no, meat in LARGE QUANTITIES is bad for humans. A slice or two of bacon one day is not. Also, by being vegetarian you are not supporting your countries local animal farmers. Areas who's main economies are based on meat and dairy farming tend to be some of the poorest areas in the country, and no, they could not just change over to the more profitable veg farming as they ground is usually too poor. It is farm animals or let their family starve for most of them.
untitledmofo 0
LISTEN! human beings are not supposed to be vegetarians.. or vegans for that matter! (to those of you who don't know the difference - look it up). Let's take a look at the facts, shall we? we have canine teeth, that are made for ripping and tearing meat, we have eyes in the front of our heads, made so we can calculate the distance of pray. Also, we have finger and toe nails, that used to be claws (or at the very least, clawlike).
nicholiepolie1 0
Yeah, cuz our "claws" and "teeth" can totally take down a whole cow.
OverBlossomed 22
Human beings aren't supposed to wear clothes either, but we do it.
kwinters 5
ydi for being a dumbass. since when did being a vegetarian mean you weren't allowed to touch meat? wtf op.
meavey 0
it's not about what she's ALLOWED to do, it's about what she wants to do, that's just how she feels, who are you to judge her?and how does that make her a dumbass? it doesn't. people like you are dumbasses because you go around putting people down over internet. you're pathetic
kwinters 5
thanks 416, i realise it's something she doesn't want to do and she's allowed to. but i'll give you that point since she clearly said 'i don't like it'. and that's all fine and dandy, but i think it's stupid. i am perfectly within my rights to judge, just like everyone else on FML. just like you judged me, and i'm judging you now. if you post a whiny 'my dad asked me to touch meat waaa waa my life is ******' fml, you're going to get judged. because her life is far from ****** because her dad ask her to help him out with his guests, and made a joke about bacon. therefore i think she sounds like a whiny dramatic dumbass. also, it's the internet. if you can't handle strangers commenting negatively on your sad excuse for an fml, then don't post one and gtfo the net.
alorra 0
This. ^ OP's a whiny bitch, get the **** over it and help out your dad. Seriously.
meavey 0
good point, well made.
tiannnna 0
You might want to read her fml again. It's not the fact that her dad asked her to prepare the bacon, it's the fact her dad failed to notice that she's been a vegetarian for two years. READ, PEOPLE, READ.
OverBlossomed 22
Why couldn't her dad get off his ass and make the bacon himself?
LeoFML 1
Vegatarians are pussys! Man up, grow a ****, and eat some meat. 'nuff said.
Anaxes 5
The funny thing is the OP is a woman.
alorra 0
AGREED.
RedPillSucks 33
Maybe he likes chicks with dicks...
SaturnE_fml 0
She was only _asked_ to cook the bacon, or she left the toast and eggs out to be more concise.
hopewm 0
If it's your dad's guests, he should make his own bacon regardless of whether you're a vegetarian. What, men can't cook?
SaturnE_fml 0
Parents don't need to when you're old enough. They cooked for her a minimum of 13 yrs (Guesstimate). What, she can't have respect?
OverBlossomed 22
But the cooking was for guests, not her. He should've cooked it himself.
aksnowrida 0
god you veggies are stupid. Animals are not tortured or abused in any way. there is nothing done to hurt them, until they are killed. and since the animals we eat are specifically raised to be killed and eaten, there is nothing wrong with it. they don't have thoughts or feelings anyway. they only have instinct, and all that does is tell them to eat and poop
tiannnna 0
I legit hope you're kidding.
sleeper88 0
i think any man that pays that little attention to his wife deserves to be cheated on ...... what you doin saturday night?
sleeper88 0
oh your dad ...sorry i didnt find the post worth paying much attention to im just a blood thirsty carnivore thats allergic to whine asses if god didnt want us to eat animals they wouldnt be made of meat get over it
OverBlossomed 22
OP may not be religious, idiot.
Tabzz 7
Firstly why is everyone calling the OP 'stupid'? All we know about the OP is that they are a vegetarian... Secondly, it's personal choice on whether YOU want to eat meat or not. Not anyone elses. I personally don't eat meat, other people's opinions will differ from mine. But calling someone stupid simply because they are vegetarian is ridiculous. Oh and, I understand where the OP is coming from, I wouldnt want to touch bacon...why would she/he want to help her family do something she/he dosent feel is right? Some peoples 'viewpoints' nowadays are absolutely idiotic.